Day 278

Day 278

A Poem by Rachel Lieberman

this is one of my series of Hobo poems. don't ask =]


Two Tales

True tales

From sky to sea

The life of the hobo is the life for me

Cardboard boxes

Who needs soxes?

Not me

Can't you see?

The dirt and the mud and the musk

Oh! The musk is a must

I don't need shopping malls

Or a galliant wedding hall

I am me

A fish in the sea

I create pictures with my words

I fly amongst the birds

I feel so free

© 2008 Rachel Lieberman

My Review

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Well this poem is interesting. I do understand the entire scope of the poem, however I am not quite sure if you can be more visual with this one. Just a suggestion, if you were going to expand on this, try working with imagery greater. Sensory imagery helps there, as well as auditory words that illustrate what's going on.
On the other side, as itself, this poem has a strong rhythm in which seems 'enthusiastic' for its topic. The rhyming scheme does help in this, but it seems that it is forced. Just a reminder, poetry doesn't always rhyme. You can experiment too.
Otherwise I think its pretty good, but it could be more vivid.

Posted 13 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on March 11, 2008


Rachel Lieberman
Rachel Lieberman


My name is Rachel.... Yeah. more..