A Chapter by H.C.

Emperor Neptune's journal which he named "Triton"


 “If you're reading this right now, I have forfeited my thoughts and given up the ghost. I have forfeited myself and my mind to the outside world. My flowers have withered away, my ladder has been strewn aside, the hurricane is raging over my head, and I have turned to glass. I am a stranger, a ghost, a specter lost within time and space, someone who is overlooked and never seen or named because my efforts at this point have been futile.

If you're reading this right now, may God help you.”

I'm not sure how to start this or I should write this all down, but my name is Neptune and I hurt myself trying to impress someone who hates me because I failed to listen to my better judgment and now my back really hurts and I have the incessant feeling I'm going to watch myself grow and pack on the weight. I'm such an idiot. What the hell was I thinking? I'm not sure if you would understand, however you won't judge or scold me, you'll only listen, which is good, I need someone to listen without dismissing me or putting a plate of food in front of me. I just need a place to put down my thoughts without the obsequious passive aggressive behavior of one side of everyone and away from the devil may care nonsense of the other side of people.

Sometimes people don't realize the destructiveness and the damage they're causing by taking advantage of other people and in the most backhanded ways possible, and sometimes it gets to be too much, and sometimes I feel as though I'm the only merman alive who gets it and sees through it all and thus I feel so alone as a result. No offense to either of my parents or my sister Juno, but it's all the truth. It's happened so much all throughout my childhood that it's become habitual of me to seek aloneness�"and I wonder why I often find myself in that situation. I'll make it a habit to talk to you every day, I promise. I trust you with my words.

I think I'll call you Triton.”

I always used to be so outgoing and extraverted. But then I was bullied into nonsensery and it shut my mouth. There are always times when my body seems to attack my skin, but it seems to happening more so than ever. I can feel my senses closing the outside out. I have only myself to blame. I should have stopped them in their tracks, I should have been ballsier, I should have made a name for myself, but I didn't. I let them walk all over me because they know I'm vulnerable. They know. They know but they don't care. Apathy is the downfall of young merpeople

But what I would like to know is what makes someone who's vocal so special? When did silence become a bad thing? Sometimes silence is the best answer you can give. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. But the problem with silence is it's often misinterpreted. It's assumed that those who remain silent are the ones who quit. The only thing the silent quit is wasting their words on people who refuse to understand.”

Time really is a double-edged sword: you can either make it your best friend, or you can let it destroy you. When you let it ruin you, you become monotonous, repeating the same repetitive algorithms as the last person, and it will harden you until you're left with nothing more than a heart light that could have shone brighter. When you befriend it and use it to your advantage, you will be faced with the dilemma of attending to an adventure, an adventure of which you will enjoy and love. And when it's done, you'll be fine because you did what you were supposed to do.”

In so much pain right now. I can't even lay on my back anymore, it hurts so much. I either lay perfectly still on my left or GOD THIS HURTS!”

On the ocean, overlooking the riptides, by the darkening pier, I lost myself in the reflection, on the waves, of whale's tears, sitting there, it'll be me, kissing the salty water so sweetly.

Don't stop me from bereaving this earth.

I'll watch for the sharks, so they won't bleed for me.

They don't bite, there's no teeth, but they sting nonetheless.

Give me my gills and wonder on with a tail...

On the harbor, I watch the boats and barges, like a sailor's mistress, a sinner without a cause, a shadow's advocate, a clown skewed in warpaint.

The crests, they know why I'm here, to trough the noise in my mind.

Don't watch the sharks, they won't bleed for me.

They don't bite, they only decree with their stings and arrows.

Give me my gills and wonder on without tale…”

Triton, I have literally watched my waistline get really big. My mom's been taking really good care of me, nursing me and my Lumbar region back to health, but… I got. So fat. I feel really heavy, too, like whenever I lay on my side, I can feel it pulling me down. Twenty pounds, maybe? I think that's what it is, it feels like twenty pounds.”

Remember when I said it felt as though I gained twenty pounds? I tacked on another seven. I'm going to be really big before we're done here, Triton.”

When in doubt, swim in circles and scream and shout.”

I've come to the point now in which I glance down at the rest of my body and I see my deep chest, a protruding stomach, big hips, and my tail. It's so strange to me, too, like I don't even recognize myself when I'm laying in bed. The doctor says I'll be able to swim again in a couple of days. It won't be for another two weeks before my Lumbar region is completely healed. But there's nothing time can't heal, though, Triton.”

I'm either going to be a fat writer or a fat poet, it doesn't matter so as long as I'm fat and I'm writing things down.”

'Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth.'”

The mask is one of duality. On the one side, you have a strange comfort, a comfort in hiding away from the world, a comfort in not revealing the truth and the supposed weakness of personality. The other side of the coin shows the very same but with a disadvantage on the world's part. The world will never know the flesh beneath the comfort that is the mask unless the trust is attained, the trust within the self as well as your panoramic vision.”

Forty pounds!”

Triton, I have to tell you and you only about this. Never in my life have I felt so alone and so used and so alien to the young merpeople of the colony. Never in my life have I been so socially maladaptive and been so exiled from everyone I ever knew. All of my friends don't recognize me anymore and they assume I'm this weird new kid who looks very similar to Neptune and yet it can't be him, it just can't be him. I just came home from my first day back at school after being cleared and I have never felt so alone in my life. I was laughed at because I don't behave like the old Neptune. The new Neptune is to be avoided at all costs.

How many times does someone have to fall before someone becomes a friend to them? How many people have to do just that before the others understand the damage they're causing? How many times does someone have to be checked out head to toe because they might, just might live up to a defunct standard? How many times does someone have to be so egotistical that others are left standing in their wake with tears in their eyes and a break in their heart? How many times does someone have to be pushed to the fringes of everything only to find themselves and have someone say, 'No. You're not good enough. You need to do this because it's expected of you, not because you feel it to be the right thing. You need to do this to look good to other people because who cares about what you think? You need to do this because, you know?'

Why did the doctor have to clear me? Why can't I just curl back up into my bed and be alone and go to sleep for the rest of my life?”


How many licks does it take to reach the center of a Neptune lollipop? The answer when I wake up from my nap.”

I met a new friend today. He saved my life and now we're acquainted with one another on Pluto. I guess Pluto-Charon is a penal colony now and the government can't keep its grubby greedy hands off of the rest of the solar system. Honestly, I'm disappointed and I can see why so many people on Earth are discontented. But this guy's cool, though. He won't tell me his first name, though, I can only call him Wilson, Archer Wilson, he's from the coast of California and he's an orphan. His mom died from some affliction with the lungs and now he's all alone. He used to be a lieutenant for the army but he was fired because he saved my life. If that fails to say more about the people who hired him more than him, then there is something terribly wrong in the world.”

I met another friend, and it's a girl. She's sweet, intelligent, a fierce rights advocate, and… beautiful. She's really beautiful, Triton: she has luscious violet hair, real pale skin, a sweet little nose, big dark eyes, soft round face, and she's quite the looker. Her hips are nice and full, she's good up top, curvaceous as they come, and it's nice to see a girl with a belly on her, too. Like Wilson, she won't tell me her name, just her nickname, Madame Pluto.

The people of Pluto call her that because she planted apple trees and rosebushes here to give the planet a permanent atmosphere. She also fights back against the imperialists from Earth who came here to colonize Pluto Charon and claim it as a part of the supercontinent down below.

I introduced myself to her and before I knew it, she and I gelled. I'm not sure where this is going, but I am sure it will go well.”

The imperialists kicked us off of Pluto-Charon. Pluto's brothers Hamilton and Siegfried warned us that something bad was going to happen if we refused to leave, so they came and picked us up and brought us to their hotel on Uranus' moon Titania�"very lovely place, too. And they, too, have trees and bushes because Titania has no air otherwise. They set up a pool for me so I can swim and keep up the strength in my tail. Although I gained another ten pounds: I am sooooo big, Triton, but… I actually feel good for once. I'm not sick. I'm not experiencing problems with my heart or my stomach or anything. I'm at the healthiest I've ever been, but I'm big, though. I never believed a herbivorous way of eating would make me this big, either. I think I just needed a change of pace. No offense to my mom and dad, never any offense to my mom and dad, but I simply could not take it on Bikini anymore. I'm forever Emperor, too: as long as I have my trident and I keep my crown close to me, I'm always Emperor.”

Wilson was telling me about this kid down on Earth. He sounds pretty cool, too. He's uncannily well read and even has his own newspaper outside of the regime's control on media, and he's still in high school. His name is Lewis, and he's from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, which from what Wilson says used to be a really friendly town full of like minded people and people who love to read and think for themselves, until the regime took over and it all went away. I guess it's hell on Earth right now and Wilson and I left when we did. Things are falling apart down there and there's word that the regime will be taken over by Great Britain and Europe. We have to go to Earth, anyways: I want to meet Lewis and show him some poems I wrote. Wilson says he has an open mind and he's open to submissions from anyone with a mind.”

I feel so weird in human clothes, but at the same time, I feel so comfortable. I can get acquainted with wearing shirts and pants and nice jackets, especially if it's black on black. I feel sexy.”

I love Lewis. That is all.”

I fell asleep and the world outside my window exploded. I don't know what to say other than 'we're toast' and I don't know where everyone is. My trident's missing, too. I'm hungry.”

I found my trident and I'm eating a whole pie by myself. Those feelings of being alone have returned. I actually miss Bikini, too. I miss our house and the comfort of Mom. Triton, you understand, don't you? Don't you?”

Lewis, if you're reading this right now, the world has gone insane. The world is absorbed in neon, so obsessed that it's all adjunct to their bodies and anyone or anything with heart is cast aside. Everyone know has a heart light that shines weakly. If I self destruct, I want you to read Triton and decide if the world must know that there was still a voice, there was still someone who saw the end.
To answer your question: when I was fifteen, I cartwheeled onto a sharp boulder and compressed the Lumbar region of my back, leaving me bedridden for six weeks, gained forty pounds and lost all the color in my skin. Three years later and I still feel like an idiot. Luckily, Triton entered my life. But I still feel alone.
Aloneness is not always bad: I think more clearly when I'm by myself. But there are times it creeps up on me again, and I'm back to my room with just my journal and my pen. There are times I feel so alone that all I feel like doing is sleeping. (You know the pitfalls of overthinking.) Aloneness will make you daftly aware of everything. You can see things before they happen.
I know the detriment of the sun more than anyone. All greats fall, all small ones rise, all those who are alike are given undisclosed attention, and all those who are different are cast aside. Your newspaper, September Son, is in grave danger, Lewis. Don't let those heart lights burn into you. They want to make you one of them. Save the Son.
The end destroyed me and then brought me back to life with a trident in my hand. I know you are intelligent, so I won't tell you an ending is a new beginning. But you are a rarity, with the mindless bandwagoning on either side, the end will come like a rock to a glass mirror.
It's bad luck to look into a shattered mirror because of broken souls. A broken soul, an outlier, on the fine line between life and death forever, someone who brought the end unto themselves.
Keep Triton close to you. Make it so that the world prepare. Or, set Triton free, because life as it is and where it's going, who will want to know?
Take care, friend. I will always love you.”

There are a number of things I would like to tell you but it's unsure of how to write them down for you. This is such a strange place to be in, and I'm heading to an even stranger place now. Such an alien sensation and I wonder when or if the collective mind will catch on, because it's now or never for the human race, but regardless of everything, hey Arthur!

All that does not cast shadow is obliterated by nothingness. You and I, we know the shadow more than anyone.

Sometimes I feel so nauseous and sick to my stomach whenever I think about what's happening here on Earth and I just want to help the five of you. When they exile and red card you, though, you can't go any further than the Moon. I would be able to see the Earth, but I would not be able to come to Earth because of the force field surrounding it. But, I wonder if there was a way I could harness the power of my trident onto the Earth's magnetic field and create a disturbance so great all electronics will fall to their knees and bring it all down from the high point.

I'll leave Triton with Lewis so you can read this.

Remember I will always love you.”

My dear Pluto, beautiful as Charon rising above the horizon, as full as Jupiter, as sweet as the rock candy surrounding my namesake, I just want you to know that I adore you with everything I am. I have no other words to say because I'm not sure how to say it but I like you. A lot. Your brothers are wonderful and you are like no other woman I've ever met.

If you need me, I'll be on the surface of the Moon. I'm going there out of choice: I was caught nicking a blueberry tart from a nearby bakery and they're sending me to the man on the Moon, but I embrace the departure, though. I don't like it here. I don't like what Earth has become and it frightens me. When you five reunite and notice I'm not around, look up at the Moon and you just might see a big beautiful potbellied merman in all black with a bag of apples, a tart, and a violet rose to keep his heart alive smiling back at you.

You can come up to save me, but they'll be ruthless to you unless you leave at the right time and you leave quietly.

And if you can, bring Triton with you. If you can't, that's okay. I can always find a new Triton to spill out my innermost thoughts and feelings. I'll have my pen with me so don't worry about that.

But if I never see you again, I just want to tell you: I like you. I will always like you. Always.


© 2016 H.C.

Author's Note

Okay! so this is the first chapter of Stardust Dolls (which, I can't help but feel to be a tentative title) - if you don't like it, that's okay. If it tickles your curiosity, even better.

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Added on May 1, 2016
Last Updated on May 1, 2016
Tags: emperor neptune, stardust dolls, journal, science fiction, fantasy, science fantasy, merman, merpeople



Safe Haven Away from the Nonsense

Artist, Renaissance person, and student (both academically and lifelong). I love writing because it fills in where my visuals leave off, and there are just some things that are better written than sho.. more..

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