My old Da said

My old Da Said

“There’s now’t unner yer blasted bed.”
But down he went and shined a light
And he made me look to prove him right
“The only monsters livin' here are livin' in yer head.”
Ma looked the wardrobe up and down
There weren't no ghouls, or ghosties found
“Those rough tenants we canna afford,
N’less you charge em' bed and board.”
Out in the hallway floorboards creaked
And back in the corner a mousie squeaked.
While I in the dark, inside my ear.
Felt muffled footsteps drawin' near.
Thumping hard, most hard as fear.
But I held to what my old Da said
And burrowed down into the bed.
My uncle he slid in beside,
I told him what I'd heard.
He dinna say he thought I lied,
Or found these fears absurd.
But held me tight, and held me dear
And breathed his whiskey in my ear,
"Sush lad,  never a word and we nae be fed
"To the thing that's livin' beneath your bed."

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for pointing me to this excellent poem Delmar. Your use of dialect is quite gentle and should be accessible to anyone. Most of us can think back to childhood when our vivid imagination can create all manner of scary creatures. Adults can light up the dark corners and let us sleep. I agree that the entrance of uncle is a bit sinister but left to our adult imaginations.
All the best,
Alan

[rew]

the first four line are envelope rhyme aka sandwich rhyme.
the rest, rhyming couplets, more or less!
as for the dialect - there's no problems there - easily read.
and as for the '' uncle '' in your bed - he merely breathed whiskey fumes in your ear. although there might be sinister intent seeing how older
'' gays'' refer to their paramours as '' nephews.''
I think it could've been easily all envelope rhyme - but the problem with that is the reader's ability to recognise such.
if a reader stops by to read such a poem, unaware of such, they'd be stopped dead in the first two lines.


regards from rew.

[Delmar Cooper]

Well, you must be wicked smart to know that there is such a thing as "envelope" rhyme. I didn't and still don't quite get it. I suppose you mean ABBA although I found a half dozen other definitions. Let it pass, I'll never know everything about anything so I'll be content to know almost nothing about something. Thank you for reading, what you say means almost as much as what you don't and both mean a lot.

[Samuel Dickens]

I really like this. It's folky, a bit quirky, and is easy to visualize. Rings of truth, too--at least when compared to my own experiences. You don't need to hear the stories, but the young me slept with Dad, who kept the monsters away, although one almost got me a time or two. So fitting for this season, I enjoyed it muchly.

[Delmar Cooper]

Sam, so glad they didn't "get" you. To protect my little sister my mother sprayed air freshener at night in the closet and under the bed cause as everybody knows monsters hate lavender.

[Neville]

I am inclined to think this is something a whole lot bigger and more important that it might first appear ... it does of course depend on how it first hits ya .. On the one hand I love the accent/dialect which lends a dated feel .. and your examples of just how far our beloved Da's and our Ma's will go to reassure and comfort us as wee kiddies of our night frets and fears is remarkable and heart-warming ..

But then ... bang the uncle comes onto the scene and everything seems to go pear-shaped .. and the whole thing takes on a completely different, somewhat sinister feel .. and like I mentioned before .. I think this is something bigger and more important than one might at first imagine it to be ..

Neville

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank you for your insight Neville. Children know more about monsters than adults. Did we forget, or did we become?

[Neville]

that my friend is still open to much debate but in the meantime, you a more than welcome my friend ..

[Dave Brown]

I was always afraid of what was under my bed
To get off, I used to jump away from it
I don't worry any longer because I have it all boarded up!!
Just kidding!
No I'm not.............

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank you for reading and for your comments.

[barleygirl]

Very well-done rhyme, rhythm, & dialect. Easy to read & follow, fun, imaginative! I love how you make a "Halloween poem" out of everyday life . . . no embellishment needed, when you pick the right details from life, it makes an everyday story scream! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Delmar Cooper]

So glad you read this one . Thanks.

Love the hugs too.

[CD Campbell]

Those last 8 lines creeped me the fuc* out! That is not a subject to bring up lightly, unless the intent was to shine a lamp on old world sins. Can i say i loved the dialect without sounding callous? Im going to say the poem is a masterwork, but ill have you know I still feel like i am in a daze. It took balls to write.

[Delmar Cooper]

I thought it was a rite of passage that every child had a monster lurking in his/her memory. Well maybe not every child, but lots and lots. Dialect compliments of Burns, Robert, not George. The meter is not right and inability to handle meter is the main reason I eschew rhymed poems. Anybody can find a rhyme for moon, or orange.

[CD Campbell]

Not every poem has to have perfect iamb's. Thats a myth. Spondees are everywhere.

[Zoya]

Ah, that monster though, never gave a visit to my room, I waited, still wait in fact. A creepy, fun poem. Enjoyable read!

[Delmar Cooper]

This is a terribly ineffective poem where I sacrificed clarity for tone and effect. Out of about twelve reviews one took my point that the story was not about imagined terror but real terror. I read it now and again to squash the sin of pride.

[Zoya]

Ah, I can understand. Been there several times, sacrificing clarity just to establish good rhymes. Though I think you did a good job maintaining the balance.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Fears during childhood are sometimes difficult to conquer. I was shivering when I read of the uncle with the whiskey breath, it reminds me of a book I've read, he was a monster too. I hope in this case it wasn't so. Your poem reads very fluently and it was, for me as a Belgian, a bit difficult to understand the folk language but I find the sound very smooth and refreshing. Here in Belgium we have also many sorts of folk languages. Very well done.

[Delmar Cooper]

Yes, it is in a dialect and the dialect is an artificial character in the poem. I'm glad you gave me your unique perspective.

[TL Boehm]

The monsters are real - I had a different take on this one that gave it a special chill for me - sometimes we superimpose our own experiences on a poem that hits a bit of resonance. The uncle with whiskey breath - to me brings terrifying memories - things I experienced as a child and things my parents told me they experienced.
I went through a phase where I actually slept under my bed because I was afraid of things in my closet.
A fine poem. well crafted.

[Delmar Cooper]

Congratulations, you are of eleven commentators, the only one who realizes the poem is about child abuse. Now this probably means you have a warped and depraved mind, like me. It almost certainly means my poem is too abstruse or subtle or flat out stupid. But since that certainty would implicate you, I would prefer to believe you are a genius reader.

thanks for the comment and observation.