That Time in the Afternoon

                                     

             That Time in the Afternoon

 

   That afternoon in time,

   Encapsulated,

   As in amber

   The hard perfect jewel

   That keeps imperfect memory

   In perfected time

   Preserver of the soft, the perishable

   That so unlike a clock,

   Keeps time as it should be

   The jewel hard pivot of

   That perfect time

   In that perfect afternoon

                   When she first said...

Reviews

[Vera Anne Wolf]

The fact that the word "perfect" is used five times in this kinda stands out in a bad way for me, but I liked the image of an amber jewel that has captured something within. (Mind went to Jurassic Park here). But Amber can capture anything.

The fact that you leave us hanging at the end stumps me a bit. Why? I'm sure you have your reasons, but as a reader, I feel a bit deflated.

[Delmar Cooper]

Repetitive? Moi? Yeah absolutely. I assumed a reader would supply the perfect statement from the reader's own experience, but you know how assumptions work. For instance, I assumed a writer of novels would have read a story of mine rather than a cheesy poem. Drat.

[Vera Anne Wolf]

Ahh, I'd be happy to do that. I think I "assumed" based on the number of poems I saw on your profile that they were all you had xD

[Delmar Cooper]

Poetry (or poemlike mishmash) is a sideline. I wanna write stories when I grow up.

[Anastasia]

We need something hard to protect something lovable and precious and I picture that jewel protecting the softly perfect memories when something unforgettable ws exchanged. Memories like that are specialy to be protected in time always.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank you for reading and for your gracious comment.

[T.S. Ulmus]

Everyone wants to comment on the repetition, I didn't even notice, I was caught up in the imagery of freezing time, a moment cast and Amber. What an amazing love poem that you get the reader to say "I love you", without saying it yourself.

[Delmar Cooper]

Relaxing in the shade of the towering elm tree I bask in the sunshine of your flattering remark. I think the first criticism set the pace of comments and drove this repetitious conversation along a single path. In my day time was configured by watches and the best of them had jeweled pivots for the parts that relentlessly moved time through their tiny guts. That a 21 jewel watch had no " amber" pivots is just a technicality when a writer needs an analogy.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I'm a HUGE fan of repetitive writing in a poem. There are times when nothing more is needed...and this is one of them. Such a beautiful syntax of words and emotion. So glad we've met!

[Delmar Cooper]

The pleasure is mine. So glad you didn't mind the echo.

[Dave]

I , like you, often you the repeated phrase for emphasis. In your case it seems that the "perfect" whatever it is comes so infrequently that when we find it or experience it, there is something to be cherished about it.
I enjoyed this and thank you .

Take care - Dave

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank you for reading. Perfection is overrated. I think I prefer the electric friction of flaws.

[PandaPeaceful]

The perfect moment. Something about this fascinates me.
I suppose you too are in the center of the universe.

[Cory Barrett]

I have a dust covered box of these amber moments. hell a couple of them even have a girl of the same jewel in them.

[Lyn Anderson]

Perfect. Just the way it is. :)

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for reading.

[Chris Shaw]

The repetition added emphasis for me. I liked it. Something this precious, this special afternoon, to be preserved for all time like a fossil of a small,once soft insect, encased in amber. Nice work. Thank you for an enjoyable read.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for reading and taking a moment to comment. I appreciate your insight.

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem. I liked how you gave time purpose and reason. You brought the reader into your thoughts and memories. Thank you Delmar for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Delmar Cooper]

You bet. thanks for reading.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Delmar.

[Ana Papaya]

like a fossilized memory perhaps.
we can recall and feel people, places and things.
they are etched within our minds.
but they are no longer there.
this memory here has the feel of something special and special memories are timeless.
forever young in spirit

[Delmar Cooper]

Ah memory. I remember having one of those.

[Ana Papaya]

lol : )