Put on Some Pants, America (5.26.2011)

This is an assignment that I had to do for AP US History, but I loved what I wrote.

Put On Some Pants, America

 

            Robert E. Wood, the top Sears executive, chaired the America First Committee and became president of the United States in 1940.That’s right, Wood beat Roosevelt in a surprising victory. Wood’s first inaugural address started as so: “Thank you for electing me president of this great nation. With me as president, America will always come FIRST! My first act as president is to make sure the United States is kept out of the tragic war...”

This Was The Beginning of the END!

            A bomb is dropped on Pearl Harbor, but we are not defeated. Perhaps, this is the time we should had entered the war, which being America, we could had quickly ended it, but instead, imagine this: You wake up, yawn, put on some pants, walk out into the beautiful morning to receive your newspaper from the fake grass of your lawn, look up and you see this silver in the sky. That silver is a piece of the defensive dome that is visible through the artificial blue sky. That dome is the president’s idea of neutrality from this Great War taken place outside the United States, but he let them have Hawaii and Alaska and what not. You live in New England; it’s supposed to be too wet in the spring, a sauna in the summer, emm fall and Antarctica in the winter. But, it never rains or snows; it’s just artificial sunshine shinning on your face all day.     

            On top of the dome is a giant bowl that collects water, which the government filters and distributes according to need. Farms, of course, get more water than say a family of four. This created new jobs inside the government and new water centers to help filter and distribute. The economy is blooming! Except for the fact that half the things people want aren’t made in the United States. See, your TV is broken and the parts needed are only made in China and China was taken over by Japan, who were then taken over by Nazis after they decided that those Japanese companies weren’t good enough for them, the fact that they were Asian and the probability of them having blue eyes and blonde hair was probably as low as the probability of a British person not liking tea. Sooooo, you’ll just have to wait till Americans are smart enough to make the parts. BUT that doesn’t grantee that they’ll have the supply for it because you see, that dome that is over your head blocks the transport of natural recourses from other countries. Oh and the British, they aren’t allowed to drink tea anymore, Germans thought it would be funny to take it away and many of those British people had tea withdrawals and went insane, you know no big deal or anything.

            Anywho, you’re probably wondering why no one stopped Germany. Well, they tried, to say the least. The French? Yeah, they went down pretty quickly. Those poor Frenchies. The British and Russians put up some fight, but in the end they both trembled under the wrath of the Germans. Japan took over Asia and finally succeeded at imperialism! Yeah, I guess they felt all great and mighty until the Nazis came and destroyed all of them. Germany eventually came for Africa, Canada and South and Central America. Australia was the last to be taken over because their kangaroo army was so hard to defeat. Now, most of the war’s focus is on America, but what can they really do? With this dome over our heads and everything.

            Oh, you’re probably wondering how that even got there. Well, you see, it was made under water, like submarines went done there with the metal and what not and put it together, yeah. Then, when the president decided that he wanted a dome over the United States, he had like fifty planes or so help pick it up and put it over America. True story.

            You hear that noise?! The Germans have finally broken into our unbreakable defensive dome, it’s like the titanic all over again! At least half the population will die and because the creator never took account for the obvious iceberg that was going to be in the water or in this case, the Germans taken over every single other country and then having the intelligence to know how to break down the dome. So, I guess what you have to do, America, is put on some pants and fight!