Reality

I started on a different road with writing this but it ended like this. Not sure, what it really means, but I think I was trying to capture a girl's journey in the real world...

I’m just a girl

Wishing to find the key,

To my fantasies,

Haven’t seen the light,

I’m afraid I can’t breathe,

Been captured by the lions of greed

These ferocious beasts have left me blind.

Blindness --

Darkness --

Suffocation--

Can’t stand it much longer,

Feelings of isolation

Becoming a toxication

Been pushed into reality

It’s a total insanity

There’s no tranquility

Can’t find level of stability

I mean it’s a monstrosity.

 

Need to find peace

Maybe in solitude

--In the mountains

Where creatures,

Like me

Can Live!

Live without distress,

Disturbance,

Or burdens of any nature

That’s where I’ll be,

If you ever wish to find me.

Reviews

[Susanna F]

It reminds me in some parts of a rap - the almost staccato rhythm. Very well done! And it also seems to be about my home, Crown King. Deep in the mountains, we are all a little weird, but happy.

[The XYZ Writer]

Wow, your vocabulary and the whole poem just gave a feeling to me. Lots of emotion in this one. I like the second verse for some reason, it seems to bring the feelings to life. A great poem! :)

~Sumayya

[Summer D.]

Darn, they've already beat me to it.

Nice! I like the ending. Mostly because it has a dramatic feel.. You're a very talented writer and I can think of no criticism to offer this poem. Your choice of language was beautiful.


~Summer D.

[~Dragon X]

I really like the first and second stanzas :) I feel like I can rap it. XD Strongly worded, I agree with Teralyn :3
Keep it up! ;)
~ D.X

[Miss Evans]

This is really nicely written, and I like the message. The sense of uncertainty seems to be popular among teens, seemingly more with girls than not. I like the way you captured it, the girl seems determined to be undecided, knowing she's going to a place she hasn't found yet.

It's confusing but it makes sense at the same time.

Really well done.