Dearest Angel 2

When you love someone deeply and separeted from them.

You are the day,
Me the night,
Intersecting at twilight as the world admires to our unique beauty.
A streak of fate however, so violently tears our curtain of glory revealing us to the stars.
As we know,
The constellation of stars between us is crossed
And like repelling magnets,
Drifted apart.
Maybe someday its alignment will change.
Perhaps like a phoenix which awakens from its ashes,
Our love will
blossom stronger than ever from the shattered pieces of our hearts.
Together then shall we be of one accord.
And if that day never comes,
I believe in soul an invisible
ray of light shimmers from
the consolation of stars interwoving our hearts together
and binding them with our cherishable memories,
For our love is pure and divine

Author's Note

Whats your take?

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Starcrossed lovers... This reminds me of mythology, and the stories that show how day and night fall in love and yet can never meet save for in the few moments that twilight allows. I really enjoy all of the "star imagery" as well; constellations, ray of light shimmers, consolation of stars, etc. You hold your metaphor throughout this one and that is quite nice.

The only suggestions that I have are with flow...there are some places where you repeat yourself a little bit, and I think cutting things down just slighly in terms of wordiness and evening up the lines would help. Overall, though, I truly enjoyed your words and look forward to reading more.

[Nkosana B Masuku]

Thank you so much Sarah for the review and suggestions.I'm rily glad you liked it.Do u hav any specific areas u wuld like to c these suggestions implemented?.Appreciate your time :)

[Nkosana B Masuku]

Thank you so much Sarah for the review and suggestions.I'm rily glad you liked it.Do u hav any specific areas u wuld like to c these suggestions implemented?.Appreciate your time :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I think it is just a matter of the long and short lines...

Here's an example of what i would do with the first half:

You are the day, me the night,
intersecting at twilight -- as the world
admires our unique beauty.

A streak of fate - however -
so violently tears our curtain of glory,
revealing us to the (delicate?) stars. --just an adjective to modify stars

We already know our constellations
are crossed, like repelling magnets,
we are forced to drift apart.

So, that's what I mean in terms of the flow...there are natural line breaks in your piece where your thoughts shift slightly here and there, and so I would create stanzas when that happens and cut the lines down a little. Of course, this is just my opinion...the poem is still lovely :)

[Nkosana B Masuku]

Thank you so much Sarah for the feedback,will polish it up :)

[Lydia Shutter]

Ah, star crossed lovers...never meant to be, but the magnetic force of desire pulls them ever closer. Perhaps it will never be, but both will always remember the desire....the emotion....and carry it with them. Such a bittersweet romantic poem, Niko. Very good! Lydi**

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Romantic. Nice choice of words. You are a sweet person.
Great!

[Nkosana B Masuku]

Thank you Dhaye,im glad you liked it :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

You're welcome. :)

[Cassie]

Loved your choice of words. Nicely penned

[Nkosana B Masuku]

Thank you Cassie for reading :)

[SyberRose]

Exquisite write...loved it...Rose:)

[Nkosana B Masuku]

Thank you Rose for takin the time to read :)