In love with a memory

some times life takes us places and we dont understand why

once upon a time, paul and i met in the mall

jc pennies near the ear rings

we shared our first hug and glance in person

march 1, 2008 we began dating

many things we endured

yet we were so happy and things were ok

but now what has happened to us?

we now have a beautiful baby girl together

we argue every day, and each day i wonder why

why do i love him so much?

why do i even care?

why cant i just move on?

why cant i forget all the times we've shared?

i dont understand the bond i have to him...

and i wish it didnt exist

right now im hurting so much

over so many things that have happened

yet in the hurt, i cant force myself to leave

i cant turn and forget the love i have for him

tho i wish i could, i cant

and it kills me...

i know there is better out there

but when he asks for another chance

it is something i cant deny him

no matter how i feel

i love him so much, and i just dont know why

i wish i could just leave

stop allowing myself to believe

all the things he tells me

allow myself to get into something with

another guy who sounds so sweet

a guy who might be better than he

but the thing is i wont let myself get to know

any one else...

paul is the only one i want

even if he continuously hurts me

breaks my heart every day

he is still the lover of my soul

and the one that i will die for

but why...

why do i stick with this

rather than try for better?

why dont i let myself have anything good in life?

i feel i dont deserve it, i dont deserve to be happy

i dont deserve to be treated good

and i will never end up finding

"mr. right" anyways

so i guess ill just sit here

continue hurting

allow my heart to continue breaking

swallow my fate, and just wait

hopefully one day what he says

will come true,

maybe one day i will be happy

and if not, well i guess i will never know

 

 

 

I hate that i am always so sad, i dont even want to write anymore, i have a few stories im trying to work on, but my emotions are blocking my writing rather than enhancing them as usual, my heart is breaking within me, and i can only sit here and let it bleed.... i love him, and i dont know what to do, i live with him and have no place else to go, if so i might be able to better move on, but even then my heart would explode inside my chest. and i would never get better, unless he was back to me, and even tho i feel he loves another, i feel he loves me as well.. and i just have no idea what to do, i feel so lonely even tho im surrounded by people, i feel so helpless, though he says i help him stay alive... i feel so worthless, tho he says he is all i want... i dont know what to do anymore, i dont know who i am anymore.... has anyone else experienced this? this man is my first love, and the one that though i hate to love him, and love to hate him, i cant be without.... i need someone, but i dont know who it is that i need, i feel all alone in this big cold world, and i ponder if things will ever get better????

Reviews

[*Evelen*]

I've experienced something like this. To feel worthless, sad, alone, and always empty. To love someone who you know is bad for you. To stay by his side even though you know he's lieing. Forgetting who you are in the process. Yah it sucks, but everything will turn out better. My motto is just get through the crap, and live for the next experience. Yah life can be harsh, but it's life. You can get through it. Your an amazing writer, and keep up the good work! I hope I helped a little. Thanks for sharing your poem.