War is over, if you want.

A small excerpt from something I am attempting to write.

I stood on the sidewalk, watching him drive off towards the city. There was nothing to do. I had no way of navigating through this unfamiliar state. For all I knew, I was in a different country. I knew I had to walk, find something; a place to rest, a person who could help, anything. Resentfully, I dragged myself down the street, away from the direction he had driven off in.

I don’t know how long I was walking before I arrived at a bridge. Cars zoomed by as I waited to cross the street. The bridge would take me into the next town over. From what I could see, there seemed to be no one walking across, only a few people sitting on the ground. As I moved closer, I realized they were all homeless. They lined each side with only some intervals of space unoccupied. I felt a poignant pang of guilt. I had nothing to give, and yet I felt as though I had to. I wanted to give them my clothes, my dead cell phone, my empty wallet, every item I had on me. I didn’t deserve any of it, anyway. Who was I to have anything, while there were people with nothing at all? 

I looked at the ground as I crossed. A glance to the left, a mother with two sleeping children and a sign pleading unemployment and foreclosure. A glance to the right, a man with a three-legged dog. I walked quicker. I couldn’t breathe. I passed a man with one arm, singing, playing the guitar, strumming with his stump that ended at the elbow. 

“...So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun...”

I felt sick. The short bridge seemed to go on for miles; no matter how fast I walked, it only got longer, I only moved further from the other side. The man’s singing only grew louder as I distanced myself from him.

“...A very merry Christmas, and a happy new year. Let’s hope it’s a good one, without any fear...”

I didn’t realize I was crying until I couldn’t see, my vision blurred by the tears. I started to run.

“...War is over, if you want it.”

I fell to the ground as soon as I reached the other side, overwhelmed. It hit me head on. I cried, I coughed, I couldn’t breathe. I felt helpless, lying in the cold in a pathetic heap. I was sobbing, and even when I had no tears left in me, I continued. There was nothing else I could do. If I moved, I would vomit. I couldn’t feel my legs, I couldn’t even bring myself to stand.  

Time passes. That is what time does. And even if you are removed from reality, it goes on. I don’t remember when I stopped sobbing, when I finally fell asleep out there. I woke up after what seemed like a mere minute of unconsciousness, but, judging from the rising sun in the east, I knew I had been out for at least a few hours. After a minute, I stood up and dusted off my dress. There was nothing else to do, after all, but keep going. I walked on. 

Author's Note

Any comments are appreciated. Go easy on me, it's a work in progress, a rough draft.