Once

Sea is shallow where I swim

Five six feet or four plus some

Just few meters from shore

Where you stand and wave

Finger combing my sea hairs

i smiled back too and rushed

my hands to swim back to you.

Out of breath, i take a pause.

Sea is shallow where i stand

Still chest high and tidy wild

Few meters from dry sand

Where once you stood tanned

and waved wearing white

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Overall, I love the way you craft an extended metaphor about being some distance from shore & how it feels out there. There's a strong analogy about being in shallow/deep water, in life, in love. My only drawback is how, at the start, you quibble too long over how many meters. Boring. Who cares? Measuring in terms of meters doesn't paint pictures in the reader's mind. Why not say: if an elephant snorted water from the muddy shore, I would be hit. I know this sounds ridiculous, but sometimes we need to let our minds roam to the farther places, even if we reel it back in a little bit later. SHOW me the depth of the water, the distance from shore WITHOUT using boring scientific measurements. SHOW by comparing to something from life or nature. Sorry to hammer on this becuz after line 3, I really love your poem (((HUGS))) Fondly Margie

[Lorry]

The memory of those no longer there to share these moments with, always feels so bittersweet. But at least we survived and can still see and feel them, and maybe learn a little about ourselves too.
The ending, where she once stood, makes this a beautiful memory, rather than being in the moment. Nicely done.

[Lorry]

The memory of those no longer there to share these moments with, always feels so bittersweet. But at least we survived and can still see and feel them, and maybe learn a little about ourselves too.
The ending, where she once stood, makes this a beautiful memory, rather than being in the moment. Nicely done.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

It's a blessing to swim through memories of the mind, that swim through our hearts. The visions heartbreakingly beautiful like the glimmer of a tear.

[Edie Blue Starfish]

I enjoyed the read. It leads me to thinking how we swim in shallow waters and too often those waiting for us on solid ground leave before we realize what we're swimming to.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and life itself gets shallower when our love has left us...
this brings back memories of my high school days...and my high school sweetheart...
now the water is very cold.
j.

[Digvijay Singh]

Thanks for the read jacob and I'm sure summer is not very far. Haha

[Kelly Scheppers]

It's good to remember the smallest details...its like a puzzle coming into view, piece by piece.

[Digvijay Singh]

Thank you for reading Kelly

[Kelly Scheppers]

My pleasure!