Return of The Sun

Return of The Sun

A Poem by Dinali Sathma

Strength been spread by your long extended arms
Men smile in green pasture farms
Joy lights in down-trodden hearts
after the long fight with down-sky darts

When you crept from behind the cloud
My voice swept from behind out loud
Farther, far, I couldn't hug
Round rabble did only shrug
- Dinali Jayasuriya 

© 2012 Dinali Sathma


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*strength has been

"down-sky darts" i like what you are attempting here, but it isn't quite working. "down-sky" just sounds too forced, too heavy.

thanks for sharing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

I wanted it to mean rain ... seems as if it hadn't been a good approach.
Your welcome
this is a beautiful peice, short, but beautiful, nice use of words, i love this! thanks for the opportunity to read this

Posted 9 Years Ago


Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

Thankyou for the review
This has some good vocabulary and definitely has an edge of curiosity and mystery. I think you did wonderfully. At first I wasn't so sure if rhyming fit this poem or not...it actually gives it quite an edge of uncertainty. Some serene point of view. Nice work.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

I didn't understand what you said about the rhyming. And I used a thesaurus to help me its always us.. read more
Phillitup

9 Years Ago

I meant that I wasn't sure if rhyming made the poem good or not in the end, it does.
Dinali Sathma

9 Years Ago

Oh. I get you now :) Could decipher what " down-sky darts " meant

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3 Reviews
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Added on December 11, 2012
Last Updated on December 11, 2012

Author

Dinali Sathma
Dinali Sathma

Negombo, Gampaha, Sri Lanka



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