Prologue: Mom's History

Hong Kong, China, 1992

"Sarah, can you go to Beijing for a week?" Leonard, my mother's boss asked my mother.

"Sure, but what for?" my mother then asked her boss, "Where's the folder?"

"Sarah, the file's over there," he said, pointing to the coffee machine, "There's been talk of a terrorist organization starting in Beijing. We need you to join the group and tell us of their plans."

She went to grab the case folder from the coffee machine. When she came back he said, "You will go down to the floor of offices with 'W.I.L.T.' to officially recieve your mission," Leonard told my spy mother. She grabbed her ID badge off of her desk and ran towards the door to go to the 'W.I.L.T.' offices.

__*@*__

And that's where my story begins. At this time, Sarah, my mother, didn't know she was pregnant with me yet. Want to know how she was pregnant with me? Let me take you to the mission before this. The place is Shanghai, year 1993. Mission: Break E-Lizar.

She went to the Shanghai to take down the protests and the leader of the protests, Harni Shang. Harni made a group of violent protesters named E-Lizardic, which is where I got my name from, because I always kicked her while in the womb. 

Mom named me after the terrorist organization she had to join for work. She rose through the terrorists' ranks until she hit the spot of Vice President of the organization. Then she was forced to have intercourse with her fiancé,  and the only one above her, the President of the group, and also my biological dad, Wyen Wu. She didn't think she was pregnant until she was about 3 months pregnant with me.  When she was only a month pregnant, she left the group because mom, with the company's help, destroyed it.

Sarah finally left the company two weeks after her mission I somewhat told you about above. The mission to end her missions was the one where they needed Sarah to go to Beijing. The mission before mom found out she was pregnant with me. 

Before she left the Embassy, she used all their conections and found a safe place for me to be born, away from the eyes of my biological father, away from those who would try to kill us. The place, Clovers, Arkansas, a small, secluded town in an unmapable area of Arkansas. No map has ever found us, and many people won't search that hard. And now we get to my birth. 

Author's Note

Please ignore the grammar mistakes, I haven't had time to thoroughly check it.

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

Fafa, sorry to know that it gets annoying, but I have dyslexia, and it helps. After I put it up, then I'll turn off the font color.

Reviews

[compositionc]

Good start! But, there are some suggestions I'll make:

Leonard, my mother's boss[,] asked my mother[replace with 'her'].

my mother[,] then[,] asked her boss[just put 'him'. you already established he's her boss.'],

When she came back he said, "You will go down to the floor of offices with 'W.I.L.T.' to officially recieve your mission,"[two dialogue connectors? get rid of one, love] Leonard told my spy mother. [use her name once in a while, or even 'Mom']

Fiancé= fiancée

SH rose= She rose...

Embacy=Embassy

You use waaaaaayyyyy too many 'she's' in the second part. Try 'Mom' or use her name once in a while.

Overall, it's a very good beginning! I like the narration. Also, could you not use red font color? It gets kind of annoying. No offense, though. Just a suggestion.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A tight and standing introduction, mired with guilty pleasure for me personally, I read on in angst!

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[billie peach]

Great start! So far it's really good.

Other people have already pointed out most of the small mistakes, and you fixed them. I'll just add to that list a little.

In the first part of the story you said that it was 1992, but then in the second part you said it was 1993 when it was supposed to be BEFORE the one that happened in 1992. One of those needs to be either fixed or switched around.

In the fifth paragraph you put "Sarah, my mother . . ." You already established that Sarah was her mom, so you don't need to put "my mother" after Sarah.

I think those are the only things I really caught, and, since you said to ignore them, I won't mention any grammar mistakes.

Great description and the storyline seems pretty unique. I can't wait to read more and learn more about who the protagonist is.

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[Jessi Berlasty]

"which is wherre(where) I got my name from" "SH(She) rose through the terrorists' ranks" "THen(Then) she was forced to have" "And now(,) we get to my birth."

And I hate to counter Fafa's correction, but "Fiancé" is correct. Assuming it *is* a guy. If it was a girl, she would be right. But it shouldn't start with a capital letter.

Again, you're getting much better. Let me know when the next chapter is up.

[halflives]

Wow! That's a great beginning. Very plausible and interesting. You've got me interested to read more!

[Short.Nerd]

Interesting start! I really like it:)