Untitled

Untitled

A Poem by 外人 (Gaijin)

How much i envy that glass,
So luckly blessed by her fingers' touch,
Enjoy, greedy glass, in your short life
What my senses can barely dream.

How much i envy that singer
For getting her attention so easily,
Conquering her look at every song,
Anything i'd do for much less.

Play, music, play eternally
And let her steps, her graceful body,
Outstage your syncopated rhythm,
One day i shall forget you but she

Shall rule forever my memories,
Light forever my desire,
Warm forever my heart
Remember me i once loved a goddess.

© 2013 外人 (Gaijin)


Author's Note

外人 (Gaijin)
Written this (don't know if i should call it poetry, i couldn't write rhymes, i tried so hard but i failed, guess i lost the gift of writing rhymes) for a wonderful girl i met at a show in Rio de janeiro, i simply fell in love with her ... For the way she dances.

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Reviews

This speaks of such sweet feelings.I hope you got the girl.This was very nice:)

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this piece was absolutely beautiful, I loved it! you portrayed such emotion so vividly, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh, how lovely. I like the way you lead the second last verse into the last verse. You talk about 'forever' and the flow between verses reflects this!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

10 Years Ago

Thank you very much, i appreciate your feedback :)
Third stanza rocks. The whole poem does as well. Great job.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

10 Years Ago

Thank you very much
a stunning poem. i find that great poems don't rhyme at all, it becomes more personal and intimate. an excellent way of writing. great job.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A amazing poem. I like how you used strong description to give life and vision to your goddess. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A poet I know well, one who never fails to delight ; this is great, South American passion fused with European literature ; well written; a great way to start a Sunday morning for me !

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

10 Years Ago

South American passion fused with European literature? =D Thank you, thank you, thank you :) you mak.. read more
This is really good! You captured a moment perfectly and that isn't easy to do. Great job!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautifully written, thank you for sharing.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Sweet and wistful...I truly felt your love for the goddess in each line! Wonderful poem.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 29, 2013
Last Updated on August 29, 2013

Author

外人 (Gaijin)
外人 (Gaijin)

London, United Kingdom



About
Why do I call myself 外人? 外人 is a foreigner, an outsider, therefore we're all, no matter what, 外人. We all live as foreigners in-between two worlds: The wor.. more..

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