I'm sorry mom

Just to get this off my chest

A man once asked me, aren't you scared of dyeing? 

I remember i laughed and smiled 

I told him my pops loved his bottle and his belt more than he loved me 

I shared the same batten's he gave to me and my mother 

He then asked how did i stay strong 

I told him the only thing that was keeping me going was my mom

I remember the times we couldn't pay the bills all i could do is stood there and hug here and tell her everything will be fine 

I remember having to watch her cry and all i could do is hold her and it broke me... 

Every time it broke me silently

I've always been strong for her but secretly I've always been sacred 

But i did wonder what life would be like if i wasn't put on this world 

Will she be okay? 

even if i didn't wake up in the morning can she still smile like she does when i telll her i love her 

I know we don't have much money or assets but i promised her one day ill buy her a mansion of gold 

one day shell never have to go through that pain of having to skip meals for us to eat

to never having to have fundraisers to pay our due bills 

to never see me working 2 job's behind her back when i was only 13 

and i could tell it broke her heart 

but being the only man in the house is hard

there's no instruction how to do this 

so every night i sit back and write 

i cry all the pain i keep in for so many years, and i let it go so no one can see me like this 

maybe one day my ignorance will get me killed, but not today 

today ill keep on working to make sure she gets that mansion of gold, but until then i sit here

just writing...    

      

Author's Note

This is my first time writing, it took me a long time to actually write this but please give good honest reviews