A Poem by Chimpy94

A young girl fights off her vicious father and his continuous abuse.




The child lay crumpled on the floor a yelp of pain escaped her lips her arm was broke she knew this. Cruel laughter echoed above her head why did he do this who does he hurt her? The thoughts swirled around in her head. He barked at her to move she could not her legs had seized her body would not. He pulled by her roots barking like a rabid dog he dragged her away


He hit her, another bruise to mark her skin crisscrossed in a patchwork pain clears her thoughts why should she do this? She stops walking and holds her ground he swings around and tries to pull her, digging her heels in she refuses to go her jaw cracks in pain as his fist connects she backs away from her attacker he runs forward as an angry bull she dodges his blows and runs for the door he roars in frustration as he spins around pure hate raging in his eyes, his target is set.

She stands tall and proud he charges

This was it the end. If she did not succeed there would not be another chance. 

© 2011 Chimpy94

Author's Note

This was written for a school assignment and was originally intended to be a sonnet

My Review

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As far as I was concerned while reading, this needed some major punctuation touch-ups. It's almost confusing, the way you have your periods placed and the way other sentences run on and on and on. Also, if you want to get technical, your syllable count was a bit off in some places. Especially the end - should be two lines (I believe it's called a couplet, yeah?). Nitpicks are annoying, I know. But if you're taking on a poem that has established rules for writing, it's to be expected. :P Anyway.

Other than that, not bad. You're off to a good start. Keep writing.

Posted 10 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on June 8, 2011
Last Updated on June 8, 2011



South Australia , Australia

I love to write, I write under a fanfiction name on unleash your imagination (luvmyangelofmusic) and have done so for a couple of years. I have recently finished my first book a short novella entitled.. more..

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A Story by Chimpy94