Codeine Breakfast

Red snake of lovers disgust

Black rose of disconsolate trust.

Heart no longer can feel

No longer can love real.

 

Pupils dilate, mind mutate

Read it's tortured stare.

touch the void, feel the spin

You're to tell the next of kin.

 

It was her's, so why not yours?

join the rotting stench, become

not alone, for the first & last time.

 

You'll soldier on, but not for her;

however tempting, however demure.

But who knows when, who knows where,

You're trapped inside this 'truth or dare'?

Reviews

[Jack Dawkins]

Hello lonsome traveler; I am new to this site and this is the first post that I have read and I would like to make a few queries not that I have any authority as a poet. Ido like your poem and would not have progressed this far if I didn't.
It flows well and tells a sad tale with good imagry. Now comes the part where I stick my nose in. Your line;' No longer can love real.' in my mind works better if you change real to reel. Reel suggests a whirling joyful dance.
Your poem would follow a steady rhyme scheme of aabbccdd if you change a word in this couplet; Pupils dilate, mind mutate
Read it's tortured stare. If you change stare to gape you would keep the rhyme without losing meaning.
Your third stanza only contains three lines in which none of them rhyme...You may have done this on purpose and it very well may be a specific poetic form because like I say I am a novice.

[Lonesome Traveler]

Welcome Jack, and thank you very much for the review :) I did consider 'reel', and you make a lovely point in the regards to the imagery it presents. I don't know why I chose not to in the end, perhaps to convey the idea of the possibility that love is proportionate.
It is definitely not a specific poetic form I can tell you that! I consider my writing less poetry probably more poetic prose, because I very rarely follow the rules. I very much respect those who do, they are the true poets! I found that the Rhyming patterns, iambic pentameters, caesuras, weak endings etc where what put me off writing poetry! So thank you for the feedback and I hope you enjoy WritersCafe!

[Holly Mason]

very nice to read thank you

[Dalia]

Heart no longer can feel

No longer can love real.

excellent poem, simple and powerful at the same time, I loved it.

[Lonesome Traveler]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Dalia]

welcome my friend