In the yolk of existence

In the yolk of existence

the germs of self-destruction

softly drill their way

through the hardness

of an everyday consumption

slipping away too heavily while

draining the soul out smoothly,

far too slowly while

dragging itself timelessly.

Drips from all sides

an urge to contain

the unspoken, the unspeakable,

so much to express

in such an irretrievably short time.

Thus,

an illumination:

epiphany of an inner nature unseen

since cherishingly kept

as in an abandoned manor.

Thus,

a long gagged revelation:

desperate to fall in love

once and forever

and then die,

so to save for eternity

our earthly struggle

for heavenly harmony.

Finally,

an irrefutable conviction:

do not believe the prophets of self-assertion,

'cause you are nothing

out of coupled perfection.

 

 

Reviews

[Lesley]

Although it is metaphorically sound, I feel conflicted by your mixed descriptions. You speak of hardness and dripping, and although you are not necessarily discussing the characteristics of one specific thing, at first glance it makes it difficult to pass over into the deeper meaning.

Upon reading it a second time I discover your rhyme scheme. It is subtle so not at once obviouos, but there, and in being there shows the craftmanship of a well thought out piece.

You speak very verbose, and I feel like in some parts that traps your poem into a constricted meaning, but on the whole your word choice is very fitting.

My favorite part of the poem is your sequence of events.

thus,
thus,
finally

original, desperate, beautiful, and very true. Certainly revelation and illumination lead to conviction. I appreciated the final three stanzas immensly.

On the whole I find your piece to be whole without being overbearing.

well done!

[Doctor JKC]

I truly believe this myself, although I'm
pretty much out of gas.
This whole way of life is obscene.
It is a robber.
I am a recluse to most.
I go to martial arts class 3 times a week.
Spend one night drinking fine beer
and reading on this site, plus writing.

"of an everyday consumption

slipping away too heavily while

draining the soul out smoothly,"

I live far outside society.

Excellent work,
Jack

[Last Lying Look]

I really like this.
I admire how you used an egg as a comparison.
My favorite part is:
"Thus,
a long gagged revelation:
desperate to fall in love
once and forever
and then die,
so to save for eternity
what is our earthly struggle
for heavenly harmony."
That piece really struck me hard.
Amazing work!
-Elissa :)

[Margaret Barton-Wahl]

I get the metaphors as well as the mixing of the descriptions. Sometimes life is an oxymoron. This a strong emotionally evocative piece of work. But it does let the reader know that through the suffering that can come with living there is also progress to be made. I found this a bit harsh for myself to get through yet words that needed to be said. Good work, keep it up no matter what I or anyone else says! Peace&Love be with you...~M~