One more time, before I die.

(just to see you)

JUST TO FIND YOU ONE MORE TIME BEFORE I DIE.

Human skin cells regenerate at an average rate


of about every seven years. in 2022, my skin won’t be


the skin you touched anymore and


maybe I’ll stop looking for your fingerprints all over me


on the nights that I feel like you never really happened


and I’m just wanting proof


because you won’t look at me or talk to me and


right now you’re just as real as any day dream


as any night terror.



Did you know that a majority of dust is just made up of dead skin cells?
 I’ll be like 70 and my kids will be yelling at me about my dusty house but 
I still won’t know how to wash away the cells that contain you
 and i’ll leave you on my furniture
 just to find a few cells
 just to find you 

one more time 


before I die.
 

I’ll carry you my whole life.

The average human body has about 75 trillion cells, 
all of which regenerate over a given amount of time. 
White blood cells live for as long as a year but 
colon cells only live for about four days. 
I don’t know why different parts of our bodies get over s**t 
at different rates of time but you and I do too so whatever.
 That’s bullshit, but whats more bullshit is the fact that 
the only cells in the human body that don’t regenerate 
are our brain cells
. like how f****n’ fair is that? 
that i’ll be thirty years old and there will be no proof of you 
left on any strand of my DNA or on a single cell of 
my skin or hair or anywhere 
but stuck in all of the cracks and corners of my brain
where you will stay until I die but I won’t be able to find you
 anywhere else in my existence and that is not cool cause
 i’ll be smashing my head on a wall just to show my
 grandkids a cell or two when they ask about you.


Just to find a few cells, 
just to find you 

one more time


before I die.


I’ll carry you my whole life.



When you die, some cells stay alive longer than others.
 Some survive for weeks, others die right there with you and 
I think i’ll be smashing my head on the side of my coffin just 
to find a few cells 
just to find you one more time 
after I die

I’ll carry you my whole life.




Reviews

[Salem Fitzgerald]

You're so f*****g good at writing. I love this so much because you took something as overlooked as dust or cells and made them really significant.

[Elizabeth]

Man oh man, this is a gut kicker. Your style is irreverent and brash and f*****g raw and I love it. I felt this piece in my guts. I recently lost someone who used to be someone to me and this piece hit every note of my grief. Outstanding work.

[Dulcie]

thank you :)