Feels Like Forever...

Woke up this morning, feels like forever since the mourning of your name...

In shame I hid tethered to fame, a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame

I'm gaining momentum like rain, a zany feelin' bein' clean

weaning myself off the draining lifestyle, my grind paid in dreams

My time stood-still, feels like December when your clever weather was stormy

I grew gills and stormed on... 

A starship trooper in September, I ran around in embers

no space vacuum in dust, I grin and shoulder on

In my holster a wand, it sings songs about wrongs

atrocities gonged through the city, a bong hit of infinity

I stare behind me and see her one last time in the rust of spaces left between us

I know she will not see this, I'm just a bleeding creature...

So whisper feels like forever

...Leave it

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

okay I wrote a song about twenty five years ago and reading this made me remember it its a bit sketchy in my sketchy bunny mind but.....
Woke up this morning,
got out of bed
evenings pleasure
drove in my head
don't know what I'm doing
maybe Ill find a job...
oh i can see now
I'll just pack my things and go
(refrain thing)
Life would be better
these things I'm sure I'll know
the Lowcale solution

okay you can go back to your regularly scheduled program :)

I say this partly of the intention of the write and partly because this reads like a song and like my song it sounds like a very happy tune but it is full of unhappy things in a sort of sardonic looney tunes melody
like my locale solution isn't one in dieting (change your lifestyle not your caloric intake!) and (change how you live not where you live and moving) to cure your ills neither is your write of blight and you scream it as such with a sublime beauty in that wonderful voice of yours. Oh yeah I love that you use mourning like me you are one sexy writer silent:) the the the the thats all the bunny has to say:)

[Chase Dylan]

A nice ditty, my friend...
Thanks for it, aha
Morning
Mourning
...Who could resist...
Not our sexy-voiced selves
I am merely happy to be a vessel of which to ship the feelz...
All that follows is a pleasure to see

[Mari' Emeraude]

Love the line ...'in the rust of spaces left between us." Maybe she would appreciate this if she did see this. Lovely poem.

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much for the time spent, and maybe she would...

[Zuke]

December is a hard time for us all... especially one in particular.

[Chase Dylan]

Certainly, Thank you, Zuke

[Mary]

Separation, break ups with loved ones, be they others, or parts of ourselves, by death or design, are eternal, or so they seem. And I thank you for giving words to the impossible emotion :-). added to my favorites.

[Chase Dylan]

Another sweet comment, Mary, thank you so much...!
Glad you enjoyed it, and never impossible
Just farther away, sometimes

[Chris Shaw]

When you are mourning a break up it does seem like forever. So does December with its cold and grey (at least where I come from). Poignant piece, but we survive and eventually move on. Nicely conveyed lines and expression.

Chris

[Chase Dylan]

Actually re-writing this one for a national song contest i HOPE to place well in...
Thanks so much, Chris, for your poignant words...
Turtle and move, turtle and move....

[Chris Shaw]

Good luck with the contest!

[Chase Dylan]

Tank'z you!

[Diane]

Filled my heart with sadness while reading. writing with emotion doesn't mean much unless the reader is feeling it. Thumbs up.

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while.

[Diane]

no problem, i do the same thing.

[Chase Dylan]

Glad I am not the only one, then

[Fran Marie]

"just a bleeding creature"at the end ..points out the pain and just how intense the emotions truly run .a poignant piece so well expressed and written

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while.

[Dennis N. K]

I rated it high because I can feel the pain of this poem

[Chase Dylan]

The pain is what spurred it... Thank you, Dennis

[Dennis N. K]

Always welcome

[Kelly Scheppers]

"I stare behind me and see her one last time in the rust of spaces left between us."

Extraordinary line one could get lost in. This is my first of your's, and feel moved to read more.

[Chase Dylan]

Oh, well thank you, Kelly... That means a lot coming from a writer such as yourself... I liked that line as well...

[Fabian G. Franklin]

There was a sad longing written here...but then again the will of a survivor coming through. That seems to be a pervading theme in your work, that you are a survivor. Here's to making it through all the tough times to better days ahead. I enjoyed the read.

[Chase Dylan]

A keen eye, friend... Have certainly had some tough times... But what are tough times but hotter fire to burn more impurities away... Thank you so much for the insight here