King of Flawed Reason

Festering molestation of achin'...

I'm separated by my own demons, my own feelings leapt alive with meanin'...

I'm crowning myself king of flawed reason...

For the reason I stand alone most the time...

Is I'm not feeling very grown at the time...

Like a seed with no warmth, a man outta lines, my rhymes are not good enough...

I stow it under and keep grumblin', actin' tough, mining away and wondering if it will ever be true...

Will I follow a shining path or break hollow and used...

Blasted by traces of iced gas, leaving me numb and bruised...

A rats uncle I'm stuffy and masked, you are sultry and out of grasp...

So I gasp and raise myself above the bar, I raise my own bar...

The imperfection flawed is tar that stops and harms...

Will I garner enough force to engulf mars...

Or will I fall hard and overwhelmed...

Just scars...

Author's Note

Sometimes depression is crippling... Hope everyone reading this remembers they are not alone in the fight... Keep living day-to-day, and know you are valued... Have a good one

Reviews

[Vasilees Sybissyl]

This is so abstract, and so beautiful, just as always. I specially love the lines,

"The imperfection flawed is tar that stops and harms...
Will I garner enough force to engulf mars...
Or will I fall hard and overwhelmed...
Just scars..."

Just so beautiful.

Love,
Vasilees

[Chase Dylan]

As always, a beautiful review, Vasilees, thank you, and am glad you enjoyed

[Anjali]

Ha ha you yourself wrote in the poem that my rhymes aren't good enough! Well the truth is you rhyme beautifully. Anyway I liked your poem. Depression is crippling however we must remember when everything seems dark light is always there albiet hidden. So fight back the depression as you said "So I gasp and raise myself above the bar, I raise my own bar..."
Good job Silente. :)

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you very much, Anjali, it means a lot to hear your kind words. Depression IS crippling... But you are right, I will keep raising my own bar... The only thing I have to do better is each moment before me...!

[.]

With an inbox full of your requests, i thought it was time to have another crack.

And here i find a piece that is very relatable and definitely easier on the synapses.

I enjoyed your idea; struggling with depression and anxiety. And i can also see a relation of such emotional states to the effects they have on the writing process. While many poets thrive on melancholic emotions, many others find themselves artistically stunted and in such states the words cannot flow as is the norm. Was wondering if certain rhymes here, that appear slightly off beat, were intentional to relate back to your idea of 'imperfection'?

Whatever your reason, you have written a very authentic piece with a theme and emotional narrative that many of us poets can relate to. So, nicely executed work. Well Done.

[Chase Dylan]

Erhm, well thank you, Doodley.

I try my best to limit RR's, and get to LOTS of them in return, in-between sending any out.
Unless it is a collab or something, I try to limit to maybe one or two RR's a week... Dunno how you would have an "inbox full of RR's..."
Heh, just saying, I guess that was quite the buildup you had...
Anyways...
I am very glad you found this more relatable, and thus, marked progress has been made!
Thanks so much for letting me know how you felt, and like always, a keen attention for detail and meaning is felt behind your review.
Aye, I wanted to be "imperfect" so the average Joe at rhyming, would perhaps like it more, was an experiment. Again, thank you, and amazing grasp of innate details...

[.]

I was absent for three months. Hence, the build up of RR's. I have no problem with receiving them. Was just saying that it was time to have another look at your work.

[Chase Dylan]

Sounds good, Doodley, I hope your absence found you in good health...
I was just surprised, is all, I think... Hah
Def' tried to give this one the 'ol scientific approach...
It is with yours, and many others words in mind, that I attempt a more streamlined stream of thought...
Much thanks, again, your writing is gorgeous...
A very much sought after, but never attained style... I would know... I have tried it...! Nuh -uh... No thanks, too hard, haha...
You are an inspiration, take care

[KWP]

I think everyone has thoughts such as this from time to time - it's because we are human, with the capacity to not only think, but over think, then think some more, our monkey minds are always exploring this avenue and that and yes even the dark ones - but in the darkness there is always a chance to find the light if we allow it X

[Chase Dylan]

Aye, KWP, thanks for the time, and I agree... Am very glad you shared these inspirational words... I hope more people realize we are not just animals, but humans capable of complex emotional "thought"

[Kesha]

Wonderful piece, I have always loved your rhymes! Sick piece really!

[Chase Dylan]

D'aw, if it is not one of my favorite horror writers... Thank you, Kesha...!

[Kesha]

You are very welcome :D and thanks :)

[Chase Dylan]

Mhm, no worries

[andrew mitchell]

Debilitating is depression and the factors which feed the problem, a fine write again Silente.

[Chase Dylan]

Aye, that they are, Andrew, thank you for visiting, friend

[The Iron Horseman]

Self-doubt is a b*****d, my friend. Am I correct in deducing that there is a lady at the bottom of your blues? Never mind, it happens to us all at some point in our lives. The best advice I can offer you is that it is all in how you talk to yourself. Reinforce your optimism and strength of character by your internal dialogue. God, that sounds so trite, but it is actually the truth, so I guess I'll let it stand.
The poem itself is great - it might be your best yet, so there is one good thing you get from your blues, right there! :)

[Chase Dylan]

There is always a lady somewhere, I think, when men create projects of woe... A feeling and inspiration I think is universally shared... Always reinforce your own positive image, trite, it does sound... But that is all life is, trite moments comprising bigger, more important ones... Thank you, Iron, your wise words mean much

[The Iron Horseman]

You are very welcome, my friend, but I assure you I am by no means wise! :)

[Chase Dylan]

Wiser than I, that is for sure

[Einstein Noodle]

great title for a poem on depression! it cuts to the quick and doesn't allow claiming irresponsibility for our feelings and thoughts processes .. so i love this line:
"I'm crowning myself king of flawed reason..." there is also a touch of humor in it .. at ones own expense .. so i like it ;)
the language is mixed ..on one hand words like "achin' ...outta ...grumblin' ...actin' ..." etc. hint (to me) of uneducated and streety .. but the rest is not so ... so i am unsure of your speakers identity
some other lines i am drawn to:
"Is I'm not feeling very grown at the time..." emotive and genuine
"Like a seed with no warmth..." kind of brilliant to me
a little bit of the manic in your second half or so ... and acceptance/resignation in last 3 lines ..
the free verse and free rhyming are fine co-partners for me ..i gravitate to that kind of thing ..the importance and sensitivity of the theme can not be ignored, in my opinion ... i venture to guess that it is a high percentage of people that experience or know someone diagnosed with depression .. an exaggerated form of feeling that we all encounter ...loved reading ..hope you do not mind my dissection ..something i don't often do ..peace and joy always
E.

[Chase Dylan]

Exactly, if something is flawed, most of the times... It is yourself at fault, not some outside force, or some unexplained phenomenon... That is one of my fav' things to do, use "street" words combined with fancy terms and phrases... I DEF' do not mind the dissection, in fact it is welcome, and treasured... Hearing you say this stuff, and how it affected you, and all that jazz... It warms me, truly... I believe a large percentage, as well, has felt at least a shadow of this beast in there lives at one point... My genuine hope is we can all keep making it... Day by bloody day, if needed... Thank you so much again, Noodle, means then world

[Einstein Noodle]

you are very welcome .. i agree...we all feel it to one extent or another ;} one day at a time for sure ..

[Krutika]

If imperfection can be put in such imbibing words it doesn't look that bad coz it becomes motivation to improve. And depression seems only a way to let us know that we want to improve! Depression is a state of confusion. i feel expressing is the only way of getting over it. Good work😊✌️

[Chase Dylan]

Why thank you, Krutika, I believe that as well... If it is horrible but makes you improve... How horrible was it really, to begin with...

[Priyanshi]

Hmm..am understanding what the poem says...really a wonderful poem.

[Chase Dylan]

Heh, a surprise, I know... I actually made it understandable... Whatever is becoming of me... Thank you, Priyanshi, means a lot

[Priyanshi]

yeah, and this poem is superb, friend.
My pleasure.