Moonlit Tears

A flash fiction piece a wrote for creative writing class

 

Moonlit Tears

     Moonlight illuminated the air as James ran into the deserted park. Feeling the heaviness of his lungs as they worked to keep up with him, he dropped down at a tree not ten feet from where he stood. With tears flowing steadily down his face, a wave of heat rushed from his chest to his limbs mixing sweat with tears on his scarred flesh. Trying to cool off, James took off his jacket and stared at the thousands of tiny stars that flashed across the sky.

     Before the war he never saw them with such beauty. During those miserable nights on that godforsaken island in the Pacific, he would find himself staring up at the stars in the midst of exploding flares and thunderous artillery fire. They became his only sanctuary; the only place he had to escape his mind from the hell that surrounded him. And tonight they will do just that.

     “James?” The sudden call startled James out of his relaxed daze. Slowly turning around he saw that it was Will, his best friend from before the war.

     “Yeah?”

     “What's goin' on? I saw you runnin' past my house.”

     “It's nothin',” James replied, trying to hide the fact that he was crying.

     Will shivered before replying. “Why don't you have a jacket?”

     “I'm not cold,” James responded, still staring at the sky. Out of his pocket he pulled a cigarette and lit it up. As he took the first pull Will sat down beside him and looked over with slight unease.

     “I haven't seen you since you got back,” he said, “and when you start smokin'?”

     “A while ago, “ James said while taking another deep puff and eyes still not leaving their focus.

     Suddenly Will noticed that James had been crying. A feeling of confusion and worry filled his mind as he tried to say something, but he couldn't find the right words to say. He knew James had completely changed, but he didn't know how much. He'd seen veterans from the war come home all big and proud, but James was different. And he didn't know why.

     “It's not the same without you at church," Will noted softly, "even Father has asked about you." Instead of responding, James simply lowered his eyes toward the ground and kept them there. Will felt the awkwardness of the silence and looked away from James, trying to think of what to do.

     “You know, everyone's been worried about you,” Will finally said. But James didn't respond at all.

     “James,” he said after another moment, “you can talk about-”

     “There's nothing to talk about!” James snapped, throwing his now charred cigarette on the ground and staring into Will's eyes. Lowering his voice even further he repeated the outburst.

     What happened, James?” Will whispered after a moment of hesitation. “What was it like?”

     James closed his eyes and looked back at the sky. With his voice laced with irritation, he replied, “Nothing. It was nothing.”

     “How could somethin' like that be-”

     “Because it was! That's all there is to it! It's not worth anything. It's nothing!” James screamed, staring into Will's eyes again.

     Will hated seeing James like this, but he knew he needed to let everything out, and he thought that this would be the time for it. “Come on, James. You have to tell me.”

     “Okay, you really wanna know? You really wanna know how those f*****g kids died on that hot, ugly piece of s**t island while calling for their mommas and God to save them? They died because those f*****g yellow-bellied Japs shot 'em all up and I couldn't do anything about it! They cried and prayed, then f*****g died! I couldn't help them Will! I couldn't...”

     James was sobbing now. Will reached over and held him in his arms. “It's okay, James. I know, I know,” he whispered into his best friend's ear, trying to calm him down. But there was no use. James didn't let up.

     “I couldn't save them Will! I tried and prayed but they kept dying! Why, why did they keep dying?” The sobs were coming in hushed cries now, which came to the relief of Will.

     “It's okay, it's okay now. It's all over James. We can-”

     “No, it's not over!” James sobbed, “they're still dead and-”

     “Yeah, James, they're dead. There's nothing you can do now. They're dead. Let's go home.”

     “No, Will, I can't.” His sobs had greatly slowed and began talking in a rough whisper that sent chills down Will's spine.

     “Why not?” asked Will.

     “Because everyone sees me as a wreck and always pushes me to tell them what happened and I cant' Will. I can't. It'll break their hearts.”

     Will knew that was true. He'd just heard part of what James had been trying so hard to hold inside, and he knew that it was all James could possibly say for the time being. The only thing that worried him is how long it would be before he could say more. No one has the moral strength to hold something like that for too long, and Will knew that James' strength will run out soon. Only one question remained in his mind as he looked at the clear starry sky.

     What will he say?

Reviews

[Jim Parson]

A nice piece, but I think it could use a bit of tweaking. I'm not certain what the term "flash fiction" means, but I'm guessing this was something you had to do, spur of the moment, sitting in class with no preparation? If that's the case, then well done! You write well, there is no issue there, you just have some holes in your plot that I would like to see filled.

I would have liked to know why he was running in the beginning. The story started off with me thinking he was running to escape something and perhaps he was trying to escape the demons of his own mind, but I would have liked to see the explanation.

I would change up their initial meeting a bit. Will was his best friend before the war and their first meeting was as if they just saw each other yesterday. Wouldn't there have been a bit more emotional of a first meeting? Their interaction improved as the story progressed, but the initial exchange didn't feel believable to me. Also, Will says he hasn't seen James since he got back and then says he hasn't seen him in church lately, which is obvious if he hasn't seen him since he got back. Reading the repetition was a bit distracting.

You start the story from James' point of view, but change it to Will's once he's introduced in the story. This was also a bit distracting and I would suggest one consistent POV.

I found just one typo... "No noe has the moral strength to hold something like that for too long..." Should be No one.