Sorry

It is time to face

What I fear the most-

Loneliness.

 

The only one who ever cared to know me

I’m cutting loose.

 

I wonder if this is a self-inflicted, masochistic punishment

For some sin even I’m not aware of?

 

His eyes seem to always be searching,

Almost defeated,

For an answer to a question I am grateful he is too afraid to ask

But it’s breaking me.

 

What do I tell him?

 

That I’ve lied?

 

That I’ve replaced the flesh he loves with steel,

Stainless and strong to withstand his advances,

And that I am now a fortress of resistance?

That, no, after so many years, he cannot come in?

 

Love= Destruction= Ruins= Work= Blood= Strife

 

And I, for one, am not strong enough to love right now.

 

How can I form the words to say

That for the first time in my life,

I am going to be

What I need to be:

 

Selfish.

 

I can’t give of myself anymore.

It’s killing me.

Somewhere we lost middle ground.

 

And I know my words aren’t enough,

But I hope he knows me well enough,

To know how sorry I am.

 

Reviews

[Tom Q]

I read your poems and this one moved me.


I suck at reviews

[Babbette Francis]

Oh goodness... This is so touching.
I can feel your sincerity. I feel your need for courage and strength as well as your pain and foreseen isolation and yet knowing it's isolation that is need for your own survival. Your message is beautifully painful, but above all- It's sincerity shines.