I Miss You

I Miss You

A Poem by Emily

You are becoming distant with me
And I don't think that you see
Just how hurt I am beginning to be

I don't know why
I try and try and try
to become what we used to be
But you just seem to say bye

I miss you
And I wish you would miss me too
I am lonely inside
And you seem to push me aside

© 2021 Emily


Sex Education Day
How archaic notions of sexuality and virginity are foisted primarily on girls.

Author's Note

Emily
what can I do to improve this writing and my others?

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• what can I do to improve this writing?

First, send it to the one you wrote it about. Who else knows what you’re referring to? Who else knows you, and your relationship to this person well enough to do more than shrug?

My point? In this, someone we know nothing about, is talking to someone not introduced, about unspecified events. You have both intent and context guiding you. The reader has only “Huh?”

My point? Focus on making the reader care, not just know. Make them feel your hurt, not learn of it. Without that it's what's been called a "Dismal Damsel" poem.

The writing skills we were given in school, and practiced by writing so many reports and essays, are nonfiction, and meant to provide an informational experience. They’re fact-based and author-centric. So, using them, your approach to poetry is to report and inform, which is inherently dispassionate.

But poetry and fiction have a far different goal. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” So it's techniques are emotion-based and character-centric. Our goal is to provide an emotional experience—to make the reader CARE. So turn your focus on that. Don’t tell the reader about your hurt, show them the world, and place them into it. Is it easy to do? Hell no. But that’s why they pay poets such big bucks. 😆

Seriously, one way to do that it to edit from the seat of a reader who lacks any context you don’t provide either before, or as, they read a given line. In poetry, especially, context is critical.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/


Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

• what can I do to improve this writing?

First, send it to the one you wrote it about. Who else knows what you’re referring to? Who else knows you, and your relationship to this person well enough to do more than shrug?

My point? In this, someone we know nothing about, is talking to someone not introduced, about unspecified events. You have both intent and context guiding you. The reader has only “Huh?”

My point? Focus on making the reader care, not just know. Make them feel your hurt, not learn of it. Without that it's what's been called a "Dismal Damsel" poem.

The writing skills we were given in school, and practiced by writing so many reports and essays, are nonfiction, and meant to provide an informational experience. They’re fact-based and author-centric. So, using them, your approach to poetry is to report and inform, which is inherently dispassionate.

But poetry and fiction have a far different goal. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” So it's techniques are emotion-based and character-centric. Our goal is to provide an emotional experience—to make the reader CARE. So turn your focus on that. Don’t tell the reader about your hurt, show them the world, and place them into it. Is it easy to do? Hell no. But that’s why they pay poets such big bucks. 😆

Seriously, one way to do that it to edit from the seat of a reader who lacks any context you don’t provide either before, or as, they read a given line. In poetry, especially, context is critical.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/


Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hard to improve on your heart writing

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 10, 2021
Last Updated on June 10, 2021

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Emily
Emily

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