How To Make Babies

How To Make Babies

A Poem by Earl Schumacker

Making babies is easy. Here is how.


How To Make Babies

Never bake them in an oven

That would be wrong

Making babies should never be a mistake

Rub two sticks together in a rain-forest

Use a flashlight under the cover of night

If you get lost use matches not rocks

Babies hate rocks and friction

They prefer hugs and kisses

Don’t expect to discover them under cabbage leaves

If you find them dancing with leprechauns stop!

Take a picture and develop it in the womb

It is advised to use parents in making babies

Have them face in the same direction for best results

If you must use a parachute open it. Pull the cord

If you want babies to work get them visas

Give birth first. Cut the umbilical cord

And feed them soft foods. Avoid bazookas

Avoid contraception and asteroids from space

Hospitals are safer for the newborn

Babies come out easy on their own

The ones from Madagascar grow wild

Rumor has it they come from rubber trees

Some are on sale wrapped in plastic

Found in isle four at the supermarket

Because there is a clean up in isle sex….six

You cannot always believe what you read

Some say they come from factories in China

From under tables in Indonesia

From tanks in Afghanistan loaded with ammo

It is easier to make babies at home when you can

Behind closed doors and loud noises

We understand Madagascar has a sale on rubber walls

Which sounds delightful to install and to have more fun

And to protect the other children from sounds

From things they can’t understand

Making a baby is easier than you think

But you should do it before you sleep

© 2020 Earl Schumacker

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Added on July 27, 2020
Last Updated on July 27, 2020
Tags: How to, babies, experience


Earl Schumacker
Earl Schumacker

Atlantic City, NJ

B.A. Degree in Literature and Language. I enjoy writing short stories, poetry, novels and keeping up with new scientific discoveries. I enjoy philosophy and Art appreciation. more..