The Old West Upside Down And Backwards

A little girl from the year 1805 and her misadventures

The Old West Upside Down And Backwards

Preface: The author claims to have written the following story in 710 BC while being hung upside down in his cave with rope after a cave invasion from some primitive types, there to steal his rocks and stuff. His hands were also bound together so he had to write these events with his left teeth, (being that he was left toothed and the other teeth had gone missing.) He had to use a chisel on his stone wall, swinging feverishly to carve out each letter with exacting strokes, (later to be transposed onto large leaves at some undefined time and place and stored for safe keeping and future distribution.

It is a true story about a future event, (from his perspective) that would take place in 1805 AD on August 19^th. at 10:42 am. on a farm somewhere out west in another land, nowhere near Ethiopia. Every word of it is true and honest to the best of his recollection and being that it is a fantasy and fiction of the highest degree, he hopes that the reader will keep an open mind. You know, that thing between your ears where a lot of junk falls in anyway because you watch too much TV.

Here it is for your reading pleasure.

               Prissy Makes Mistakes

Prissy Winters woke up late on the farm on this particular bright red morning in a tizzy. It was already 10:42 am and the cows were about to explode with so much milk in their sad little tummies from not being attended to. She ran so fast, having forgotten her shoes, she stubbed her toe on the rickety wood porch, tumbling down the stairs head over foot like a wandering tumbleweed tossed in a storm. It was not in her constitution to use naughty words but rumor has it that she said the Lords name in vain more than once and some other choice words not permitted in Sunday school or other places where discretion is called for, words that people of tender disposition should never hear, in fact they are words that should never be spoken or heard.

She also forgot her bonnet. What is wrong with her? She is sure to catch a sunburn on her pretty little face and on her head through her thin but beautiful flowing blonde hair. If cows could milk themselves they would but they must have managed a smile at the sight of Prissy dashing there way to save the day.

When she finished her chores she realized something was wrong. Mom and dad were already long gone out in the strawberry fields that stretched forever. It was peek harvest time so they were hard at work with the colored help. She had missed the school bell and there was no one around to drive her in the carriage so she unhitched one of the horses, secured a saddle and mounted the beast at lightning speed. Half way to school she realized she had forgotten the chickens. No one likes a skinny chicken but they would have to forage for themselves for one day.

It was about high noon when she sighted the town from a high butte ridge she had just traversed. The steep precipitous sides made it difficult for her to negotiate. In her fever to get to class, she and her horse misstep-ed. She fell head first from the steed into a ravine. The horse was fine but she fell unconscious.

Hours later Prissy came to. She missed class but earned a large lump on her forehead in place of a gold star normally placed there by her teacher for her excellence as a model student. The lump would have to suffice for the time being.

A large snake, a rattler from the sounds of it, meandered by, less interested in her but it targeted the larger feast instead, being it contained more protein for its consumption designs. The young girl was not without some noble merits. She knew never to leave home without a rifle. Her daddy taught her well how to handle and shoot firearms. Without a moments hesitation but still dizzy and shaken from the fall, she reached for the weapon from the saddle holster and shot twice at the slithering creature. By the sounds of things, which was no sound at all coming from the snake, as the rattle had stopped rattling, she knew the cold blooded critter was deceased. Things would return to normal. She and her horse could be on their way back home as school was certainly over at this hour. Night was creeping up on them and then rapidly falling into place around them so she would have to beat it at its game by moving speedily through the desert rocky terrain at a faster pace.

Mom and dad must be hysterical by now not knowing her whereabouts. The chickens too must be mad as hell but thank God they have little brains so they won’t be able to rat her out for not feeding them. The cows are probably asleep by now, dreaming of eating grass, filling up with milk and waiting for the warm hands of a little girl in the morning to drain them dry.

Prissy is certainly going to get a beating from her parents for missing school and staying out late but maybe they will be lenient with her when they see the snake hide and meat she brings back from her adventures. The horse was saved because of her efforts. She formulated her case while galloping along the dusty road. Maybe they will have pity on her when they see the gigantic, mountainous, monumental lump on her forehead. She hopes they will focus on that and not her misdeeds.

Is her mom going to make burgers or chicken for dinner? She prays it is chicken. Eating the evidence to cover up one of her many mistakes is better for her from her perspective. Too many questions about skinny chickens is not in her best interest.