not figured it out yet

not figured it out yet

A Chapter by EatsRainbows

this is the first chapter and I havent finished it yet, I just need an honest opinion. Thanks


Chapter One

I remembered it like it was yesterday, the day I parted ways with my best friend, my onlyfriend and above it all my mother, who lost her four year battle to brain cancer. My mom was a fighter, she battled with the cancer for over four years, she was strong and optimistic, she never one day say the word, “never” she even forbade me from using it. My mom was an inspiration in my life, she inspired me to always stay strong and never let the biggest of fears to distract you from your goals in life and what you wanted to achieve. Mom was a heavy drinker, she drank day and night and every single time she could lay her hands on any bottle of alcohol. Though I and her father never approved of her reckless alcohol intake, we never did blame the cancer on her drinking. A year after mom had discovered she had cancer, she decided to set up and organization to educate women and men through out her cancer journey and make them realize the important things in life, in her case it was me. She was a good woman and I missed her dearly, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that mom was actually gone, I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it! I always sneaked up to her room and sniffed her Daisy by Marc Jacobs perfume off of her clothes, I sometimes even wore them and pretended that I was her. I couldn't bare to look at her beautiful pictures on the wall, so after I had came back from the hospital that day I immediately turned them over. For two weeks now, I hadn't seen moms face, I could still picture it in my head clearly and remembered her face when she wanted to have “the talk”. I lay on my bed smiling to my self and remembering her sweet calm voice. I had cried for weeks, and I cried so much that I could no longer cry any longer, I hadn't eaten in days and I hadn't stepped outside in two weeks, which made Aunt Berta cry every single day. Child services had placed me with Aunt Berta for sometime before they could get hold of my dad who lived in the States with his wife and two kids. I hadn't seen my dad in five years, he used to regularlyvisit me every summer but stopped after mom had been diagnosed with cancer which he found out through her website. I got nervous day after day by the thought of seeing dad again, I didn't know if he wanted to see me or he even cared that mom was dead. Page 2

I hated my dad for not checking on my mom after she was diagnosed with cancer or even sending his

condolences to me after mom had passed. I didn't want to move to the States, the thought about changing schools, making friends and a totally new environment really bothered me. I didn't want to think too much about it, so I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

I woke up today, by the aroma of Aunt Berta's delicious pancakes and sizzling bacon, I was really hungry, my stomach was growling and I had started to look really pale and sick, I had not been eating right and my ribs had started shooting out...I was a mess and I really looked like crap. I stood up from my bed and watched the waves hit the shore line, I was really going to miss Melbourne and its beautiful beaches, It was my life! I basically lived in the beach, and unfortunately there were no beaches in Denver, Colorado..I think. I put on my robe and my slipper and headed downstairs. Aunt Berta was sitting at the table and sipping her coffee on one hand and reading the newspaper on the other. “Mel! Darling, you're awake and you're here for breakfast” She said sounding confused and shuffling around to set my food on the table. “ I was afraid you were not going to eat again, but I still made you breakfast just in case darling” she said. I smiled at her and walked over to the table, I sat down and stared right down at the food. “Thanks Aunt Berta, I really do appreciate this, I mean keeping up with all my crap” I said. She laughed and then looked down at her hands, “Honey, don't bother, she's my sister and was your mother I'm sure you feel the same way as I do, even worse!..” She hesitated for awhile and continued on her food. “By the way Mel, your dad is going to be here first thing tomorrow morning, he's going to pick you up and take you back with him” she said. A rush of emotions flooded through my head, It was like a rush of blood to my head, and I immediately became more nervous than I ever was. I nodded and started on my food.

It was a nice cool day at the beach, the sand was pretty damp because it had just rained earlier in the

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morning, I enjoyed shuffling my feet in the mushy sand, it made me feel so happy. I remembered when I and mom always came down to the beach and looked for shells and clams, mom always loved stealing the pearls from the clams, she even began building her collection. I sat there still and slowly closed my eyes, I loved listening to the sound of the beach waves, it just cleared my senses and gave me a peaceful state of mind. I didn't feel the hours pass by, but by the time I peeked at my watch it was already past six. Dinner was in half and hour, so I picked up my backpack and took a last look at myworld. Goodbye world! The beach was my world and now it was all going to vanish forever.

After dinner, Aunt Berta and I sat around the fireplace and looked at old family pictures, it made me feel contented like I still had family with me, that I could share these beautiful memories with. Little things like that was fulfilling, and mom always told me that it was the little things that counted. I found enjoyment and happiness it things that no one else regarded, I cherished little moments and was thankful for everything in my life. My life isn't perfect and will never be I but I was happy and contented with what I had and have to offer. Mom's motto was,”Carpe Diem” It was Latin for “live the moment”, she always said to forget what other people thought or said, do the abnormal or impossible, be different and stand out from the rest of the crowd, we only live once so be stupid! Most parents will never say that to their teenage daughters, but my mom did and she never regretted saying it.

It was nine o'clock and my room was so empty, that it felt so cold and void. I was done packing all my stuff, I was ready physically but not ready emotionally, I was going to see my dad tomorrow and rather than feeling excited I was scared. I wasn't ready to face him and I wondered what we were actually going to talk about, my dad and I never had anything to talk about because we were so distant. We weren't alike and didn't share the same interests, my dad was more materialistic while I on the other hand was content with simple things. We lived in two different worlds, in my world it was all about

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contentment, love and happiness, in his world it was all about money, fame and socialites. I sat at the

eye of my bed and stared into the empty space, nothing was going through my head at that time, but I felt at ease. Before I knew it I was fast asleep and lay peacefully curled up at the corner of my bed.

It was eight o'clock in the morning, and I lay on my bed staring out at the sunset, it was beautiful and it reminded me of mom so much that a tear actually left my eye. I was very lonely, I had no friends and I never had a boyfriend, I was home schooled because I never really liked the idea of public school and mom didn't have the paycheck to put me through private school. I never went to school so I never really had the chance to make friends my age, my friends were my tutor, mom and Aunt Berta... and maybe sometimes grandma. I was lazy to getup and I didn't feel the urge to but I remembered that this is the day, the day were I'm actually going to meet my dad in person, again. I tried to remember how he looked like, but I couldn't seem to, the images were blurred and I had no memories of him that I could actually recall. Aunt Berta softly knocked on the door and walked in calmly, she had a box on her hand and a huge grin across her face. “Good morning Mel..your birthdays in a month's time and I figured I should get you a little something since I'm not going to see your for a while” she said, handing the box over to me. I took it from her and placed it on my lap, “Thanks, Aunt Berta” I said, my voice was quite raspy because I got chills from last night and I hadn't slept with a blanket. She looked around and smiled, “Well, if you want breakfast I'll be downstairs” she said, exiting my room. I got off my bed, grabbed my shower tote and headed for the showers. I stared out my window and examined the driveway, the clock were ticking and dad..Tom could be here any second. I was still dripping wet, so I grabbed my towel and wrapped in over my hair. I couldn't believe it, I was going to America, I had never been and I couldn't imagine it. Though I pictured it like in the movies, baseball, junk food, hillbilly's and pop music. I shuffled through my box and looked for a descent outfit to wear, I didn't know what to expect in America and I didn't want to look too foreign or like one of

those nosey tourists that always seemed to wear the same ugly shirts with a hideous floral pattern.

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I picked out my favourite pair of jeans that mom had gotten me last Christmas, they were lightly faded jeans that were ripped right at the knee, I loved them so much that I only saved them for special occasions. I wore my stripped American Eagle hoodie and my Converse sneakers. I wasn't big on fashion, anytime those fashion shows with the skinny models came up I always rolled my eyes and wished I actually understood, it just wasn't my criteria. I swung my damp hair into a high ballerina bun, and secured the loose flyways with bobby pins. I always had bobby pins in my hair because mom always forgot the keys to the house though they were always under the same flower pot, but it did come in handy, because I had a hard time remembering too.

© 2010 EatsRainbows

Author's Note

I am not done with this chapter yet.. I just started writing it two days ago and wanted opinions and criticism.

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Added on August 12, 2010
Last Updated on August 12, 2010
Tags: fiction, drama, sad, tragedy



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