Suffocate

I am in love

A most repellant, repulsive love

I crave a person who may as well be dead.

I haven't heard her voice in what seems like a lifetime.

I am no longer the person she loved,

And I can sure as hell say the same of her.

And yet...

Cruel love reminds me

"You've never been happy since her"

"You were never happy before her"

"You can never love another

Because you love her,

Or you're too afraid of what your next lover will do to you."

Because loving her almost killed me,

I allowed myself to fade away

Almost to oblivion.

I ignored myself until I had dug a pit so deep I still haven't climbed out.

In nearly 3 years.

3 years 

And I have yet to heal.

She destroyed me, 

I destroyed myself.

Still, even now, I haven't put the pieces back together.

It is that love that I crave again,

The love that left me broken,

The love from which I still haven't fully recovered.

It is that love that I crave again.

A repellant, repulsive, pernicious love.

Ah, but a love nonetheless.

Somehow I convince myself it's worth it.

That kissing her on the mouth will erase the anger.

That telling her I love her will bring back the beautiful days.

I am a fool

Dangerously naive

Suffocating in my own stupidity.

She may kill me yet.

Reviews

[Evita]

I quite like this. Especially the last line; "she may kill me yet" really makes me smile. Actually, the whole poem seems like you are poking fun at your predicament. I was drawn in by your description that the love is "repulsive, repellant". And it's the adjectives that show a broken and warped love that make the poem different and attractive. My personal feeling though is that the poem is based too much in reality (not saying it is describing your reality, per se). I would like it to be more over the top!