Beneath my beautiful

My adaptation of the song Beneath your beautiful

A moment of peace feels like eternity knowing my life in is the weeds

Taking care of everything and everyone else's needs

Afraid to let someone in and see the darkness beneath my beautiful

A moment of peace feels like eternity knowing my life in is the weeds

My beautiful smile is alluring to many

The fear of being cast away is greater than the desire for love

A moment of peace feels like eternity knowing my life in is the weeds

Taking care of everything and everyone else's needs

Reviews

[The Silver Tongued Devi..]

That is Exactly like i feel since my Wife Passed Away in April. Life is Difficult to Put Back On Track.
Excellent Writing.

[pia]

some parts of this poem are reflection of who i am as a person.
developed trust issues over some reasons leading me a point where i dont get attached to anyone, i feel its a trait thats important yet dangerous.
i too feel afraid to let people in, concerns me whether theyll accept me as a person or not.
yet im willing to go beyond my lines to help out others.
this was beautiful. you showed what really goes on beneath the layers of a woman's protective layers where she shields insecurities from others to put up a smile and continue with her day.

[EileenMarie]

Thank you for reviewing. I understand trust issues all so well. I hope you can learn to build trust in time. I am :)

[Mary]

beautiful and true. I remember being her a long long time ago. Touches many heartstrings. Has a beautiful flow and rhythm, and I love the repetition throughout.

[EileenMarie]

Thank you!

[William Liston]

I usually don't like unmetered, rhyming poetry, especially when the line lengths are pretty long (as it is in yours), but for some reason, I like this poem. I think it has more to do with the message than the technical stuff. Anyways, I like the phrase "her life is in the weeds;" it's such a simple yet impactful image that illustrates a female's hardships, and the repeitition of the line "A moment of peace feels like an eternity knowing her life is in the weeds" really adds hopelessness to this peace. I've never heard the song you alluded to, but I'll definitely check it out. Thanks for sharing this.

-William Liston

[EileenMarie]

This is somewhat of a Triolet. I'm not a fan of rhyming & I don't do it well.
Thank you for your review, I'm glad you like it :)

[Richard🖌]

Congratulations, EileenMarie, on your win with this amazingly lovely poem in Helena's "Poem Prompt" challenge!
Your words paint the portrait of a most wonderful woman, giving of herself to others, despite that her life is less than it could otherwise be, trying to hold onto the closeness she's built from her unselfish giving, even to the point of sacrificing love in her efforts.
Beautifully heart touching, emotionally sad, and skillfully rendered … it is easy to discern why Helena selected your submission as one of the lucky winners.

Thank you for sharing this fine piece with us, EileenMarie! ⁓ Richard

[EileenMarie]

Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it!! I had fun writing it

[Richard🖌]

Oh, great!

[angelina neves]

beautiful sad poem...
I didn't know the music and it is lovely!

[EileenMarie]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)

[Helena]

Oh well done EileenMarie. I had to look up that particular song as it was unknown to me. Your adaption was unique and creative....."her life in is the weeds". Thank you for submitting this to my contest!

~Helena~

[EileenMarie]

Thank you Helena! The song resonated with me 1st time I heard it. After my divorce I was asked out by many men, yet feeling so unloved and imperfect I am still afraid to let anyone get too close. I have many responsiblities making my life chaos at times feeling as if I'm in the weeds. I love your contests as they challenge me so thank you 😊

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we always think beautiful means happy...but underneath, the struggle...the wishing that someone would take care of our needs for once...and yet for her...to be accepted, she must put her own happiness aside...
very sad write...and i have known so many women like this...and have tried to make them feel important...let them know someone recognizes how valuable is there love.

j.

[EileenMarie]

Thank you! Crazy to say but when I first heard the song I felt relief. It is spot on with how I feel. Divorced & dating at 50.. Writing soothes my pain & when people see me they see a very happy person.. Only I know the truth!

[EileenMarie]

This is an adaption of a song...

[highonwords]

please don't ever burn out from too much responsibility - please do not overburden yourself - there is fear of abandonment in this poem - but if someone loves you, they wouldn't abandon you at all - please be well, always

regards,
steph

[EileenMarie]

Thank you Steph for the review! Although there is some truth to this I wrote it for a contest. Am adaptation of the song "Beneath your Beautiful" I hope some day I do meet someone to love me all of me 😊

[highonwords]

you are most welcome, my friend - i do hope so that you meet someone who'll love you truly and completely :)

best,
steph