Chapter 1: No Life, No Time

Our story begins on a violent path.

A woman runs through the streets. Crossing empty intersections. Screaming for help. She is met with her own echo as she continues to run. Her blood soaked blouse flowing in the cool night air. Thoughts keep popping into her mind. Why me, why now? I had just got a promotion at work, the guy I have been crushing on finally took me out to dinner, and the... Oh God. She remembers their dinner date. It went so good until that thing showed up. Looking around there is no place to find shelter in sight. Suddenly a lit sign comes into view, Loft Lane Apartments. The feeling of relief comes over her.

"Oh my God yes! Yes! Hey! I need help!" She yells.

Suddenly, she is hit in the back. The wind is completely knocked out of her as she hits the ground hard, face first. Blood flows from her head as she looks up. Fear wraps itself around her body and she scrambles for anything. Taking in deep breaths, she looks around like a wild animal on all fours. Tears form in her eyes as her mind races. She tries to get up but a crunching sound rings out and it feels like someone stuck a hot iron into her back. She yells out in pain as she realizes her legs won't move. The pain erupting from her back becomes excruciating. She reaches to feel what is wrong and her hand touches warm liquid and bone. Her spine is almost pulled out. She crawls over the ground, wreathing in blood and agony.

"I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Please! God somebody help me!" She screams.

She starts to pull her body forward with her arms. Her nails breaking and bleeding as she scraps at concrete to move. The constant crunching and snapping sound coming from her back steals her strength. The blood and tears mix in her eyes and she can't see.

"No! No! I have to go! I can't die! I can't!" she screams.

Her last bit of strength fails her as she becomes exhausted. She lays her head against the cold surface. For a moment, she feels nothing. Her vision blurred, her heartbeat slowing, memories of her mother's last words to come to mind.

"Anna, I am so proud of you" her mother said on the day she was leaving. "Please do more than me and go far. Start a family. Be a better mother than I ever was. I love you."

She smiles through the blood, tears, and pain. "I'm sorry momma. I wasn't strong enough."

She feels pressure on her head as her face is scraped against the ground. The grit of the concrete peeling back her face and breaking her teeth. Her screams become gurgled echos as she swallows blood and pieces of teeth. The grinding stops as she hears heavy breathing and growls. She pulls her head up weakly and sees the sign again. Loft Lane.

She reaches out with a blood soaked hand. Trying to speak, nothing but creature like sounds come out. Her arm gets pulled and she is flipped around. The sound of her back finally snapping as she is put back down. Silence falls as her wheezing breaths fade. She lays there sprawled as her vision becomes blurred and a dark figure stands over her. Yellow silver eyes reflecting her agony. It leans over her and takes large sniffs of her hair. It moves down to lick her raw face. She makes more gurgle sounds as she tries to scream. It was embracing this moment. Massive jaws open as it sinks its teeth into her face. The sounds of growls and bones breaking fill the silence of the night as she is ripped apart.

A cellphone's alarm goes off and a hand reaches over in bed to turn it off. He sits up and rubs his curly hair around. He falls back down. Life sucks, he thinks to himself. He gets up and hears some commotion outside. He looks out the window, and sees a mixture of cops and people in the apartment parking lot area.

"Now what. It's like break in central over here" he says while rubbing his eyes and walking to the bathroom.

He looks in the mirror at himself and shakes his head.

"Crazy f*****g world. Just feels like life doesn't get any better."

He brushes his teeth when he gets a knock at the door.

"Now what?" he says between brushes. "It better not be those damn bible heroes again or I swear.."

He opens the door and drops his toothbrush. A beautiful woman in jean shorts and a pink tank top stands at the door. Her curly brown hair and caramel skin glistening in the sunlight. She shined like gold. What captured him most, was her eyes. They were of a hazel, yellowish tone. With a mysterious hint of silver.

Author's Note

First Chapter of a tale I am not so sure where to take. Please review what you like and don't like. Thank you!

Reviews

[C.J. Holmes]

You had my interest, but now you have my attention.
Gods, this opening sequence was SO vivid. I was wincing with vicarious pain the whole time I was reading. Don't be afraid to drag this scene out a little longer with some more sensory language. What does the woman notice through her frightened haze as she runs? How does she feel when she realizes that she has been mutilated beyond repair? What does the beast smell like as it crouches over her? I don't particularly care about this nameless woman's backstory, but more details about her grisly murder? Yes please!
I think I get that you wanted sort of a cliffhanger before transitioning to a more calm, mundane scene with the young man waking up. Maybe consider using this as an opportunity to break to a new chapter. Right now, the jump from death-and-carnage to normal-morning-routine is very jarring.
PLEASE make Chapter Two accessible soon!

[Final-Karma]

Thank you so much. To be completely honest this is a serious work in progress and everything I release is basically concept. I have no idea exactly where I want to take it, but I am just writing it out. Thank you for the advice. I am still fairly new to writing but I have a tone of ideas that I want to get out. A lot more difficult said that done of course. I will definitely take any tips or pointers you give me. The more crucial the better! I am actually releasing chapter 2 in a little bit.

[C.J. Holmes]

The only way to get better is to practice!