Metamorphosis

a silly poem about poetry woke up as this one day. some of the words are mine. some I can't claim.

Poetry is a place

outside
under blue skies

breezes trickle by
clouds wink
hills look on

 

Poetry is a place

where I am more than the chains

that tie me to my desk

during lunch
I'll slip them off with my shoes

arrive barefoot
and free


 

Reviews

[An Ordinary Woman]

That simple metamorphosis can sometimes keep us sane. It sounds so simple but isn't always that easy. We make our escapes as we're able to and reap the bennies from it. This is a delightful reminder Emily, and you often give me the little reminders I need and I'm so thankful for you.

[garrett]

cool

[garrett]

good

[Wolfwind Words]

Oh the cage of the desk, and the freedom of bare feet!
Wonderfull little piece of crafted art!
I loved it! :)
Great Job!

[R J Askew]

I love the first line as if it is a place we can go to it right? Verses two and three paint a real picture of real nature in benign mood, with big skies. Very optimistic. Verse four offers the prospect of actual escape from a more mundane reality. And then in five and six, you make the escape ... simple and charming. I would love to make that escape, but rarely seem to. But your poem shows it IS possible and is thus most uplifting. One day!

[Jane Doe]

This poem makes me want to take off my shoes and walk through the grass. I can almost feel it tickling my feet. Very vivid imagery. I really liked this piece. Great job!

[Raef C. Boylan]

Wh00p...lunchtime poetry...technically getting paid to write...even better than using the toilet during work hours and getting paid to...well, y'know haha.
Great metaphor. This piece really has a sense of being trapped inside away from beautiful things...and then returning to them.

Good write. Thanks for sharing it.

[J. Hampton]

Whimsy ...can get us over the drudge and hump of the chains...Emily
couldn't have penned it better
clever personification
I can picture this ...actually

Blessssssssss

[Boris]

oh yes, the liberating force of poetry, it's magical, isn't it!

wonderul imagery here Emily, of the constraints that everyday life puts on us and the ways we can escape them with our imaginations.

[Travis Lawrence]

Hehe I thought you weren't allowed to claim any of the words? Don't they belong to the wind ;-)

No, but seriously, I love this, from the first three lines. Honestly though I think I'd like it better if you took out the "under"...

"Poetry is a place

outside
blue skies"

Actually I misread it this way the first time through (silly me!) but I loved thinking that poetry was outside of blue skies, above and beyond the vastness we see ahead, making it unapproachable but so big anyone would be able to see or try to reach for it.

Two more things...

I dislike the use of "wink" in front of clouds. I'm not sure why, but I have an inkling that wink doesn't belong in the poem, though I wish I had a better explanation than that!

And also the phrase "during lunch" doesn't set well with me. It's there to show that you're at a desk all workday, but I think we can imply that from the stanza before. Plus doesn't "I'll slip them off with my shoes" work so much stronger as a single line?

But haha, those are just my humble opinions, take them for what they are worth.

Have a nice day!

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

Beautifully simple! I'm at my desk right now and would love to slip those chains (that sounds vaguely erotic, I know). I think that being liberated from the office is very much like a metamorphosis, though it never dawned on me before. There is a physical change, certainly. But your piece really captures the freedom and the escape. I shall remind myself of this throughout the day as I tackle this pile of papers on my desk.

James x.