breathless

another walk

I feel you closer.

Colorful flashes

of brilliant light

haunt waking hours.

The vagaries

of your nearness

are too much to whisper

except

you make me breathless.

Reviews

[KUFU]

Oh this is beautiful. A pleasant surprise after dem lukewarm pieces...hehe ;-)
Seems as though although the moon is no longer shining, the dawn simply brings insomniac induced visions of the last evenings activities. The leaping Cheshire leopard! The hypnotic spooks, made magical by alluring moonbeams! A poets memories. And shooting stars. Ahh, yes. A quote may rouse me, but trepidation seems to be your breathless aphrodisiac!
A great contemplative piece!

[Leslie Philibert]

A poem that with simple but subtle impressions transports how it is ; you always manage to compress complex feelings without removing depth; this is the essence of a loving relationship in a few lines, written with the skill of a fine poet.

[Corset]

Emily , If I was a guy this poem would make me blush in all the right colors , this poem is so romantic, (an ad just came on for "snickers peanut butter squared" haha, it feels a little like that yeah, eating chocolate when your starving for it.) love it , magic in ten lines or less, that's our Em :)

[blueseeker]

this was honestly a powerful read for me.
your words seem to be correctly chosen and placed perfectly. thank you.

[theludus]

I like this Emily. Sometimes always it's dangerous writing love poems or
romantic poems or poems that are emotionally motivated. I mean that,
there can often be too much momentum, momentum enough to make something too pretty it doesn't stick enough. like if i came up to you and told you you were the most beautiful girl in the world. or if you told me....
but, if i told you you know what emily, sometimes your smile really makes my day
then this has validity, and for me, it's that much more personal
that way, and because it is dressed down.

poetry can do things other things can't. a tree is always a tree until it is chopped down or made into.... but generally, you get the picture.... a tree is a tree. poetry isn't like that.

so i have one suggestion:

I feel you closer.

Color flashes

its brilliant light

haunts the waking hours.

The vagaries

of your nearness

are too much to whisper

except

you make me breathless.


and i guess i like that because there is casuality without explanation.
you feel closer to him. this causes colour to do something it isn't supposed to do.
that is a specific something and i think that plays into the next line about vagarie so well.
each thing has a relationship.

the plain statement at the end works well. you're saying i don't understand: i know. there is a mile a difference and there's something quite lovely in that sentiment.

[Desert Dreamer]

Our bodies sense the nearness of those we share our lives with...those vagaries are something aren't they? A perfect word to use, vagaries, love the way you used it.

[WindSong]

Love and passion breathe in your poem. Beautiful!

[Tony]

Stunningly sensual Sweet Emily

[kmartell]

spirit is closer, that is what it seems, we wonder at it while it is not there and there...what is it?! that is what i saw reading this poem.

[Allen Smuckler]

so does this poem....breathless from the ride....beautifully penned, Emily
and so emotive....just goes to show...you can say and feel much ... without clutter.
I loved its simplicity and passion...
allen