I Knew Something Wasn't Right

I havent really read over this again to pick out parts to be fixed so I'm hoping someone may have some good criticism for this piece :D As usual, hope you enjoy!

 Three months. We had known each other for three whole wonderful months. Time seemed to fly out the window while we knew each other, but each moment we spent together seemed to last a lifetime.

Everyday. I saw you almost everyday. It’d start in the morning when you’d drive past me freezing in the autumn morning’s crisp and chilly air, listening to the same old song every time. I’d always wait, knowing at some point around 8:10AM that white van would speed around the corner and I’d get a wave and a beaming smile from behind the fogged up windows. I’d see the happiness on your face and my day was already brighter. Only a few hours after the morning flurry of a hello would I see you again. And I could not wait to see you.

Those days at the park, where we laughed and talked and just spent time together, too coy to admit our feelings but from the looks we secretly gave each other, we knew there was something between us. An invisible electricity every time we came close to touching but too nervous to do anything, not even reach out to hold each others hand. We were shy, but we were happy in each other’s presence.

You were so beautiful to me. The way you became nervous and fiddled with the back of your dark hair and toyed thoughtlessly with objects to which you pretended to be so deeply amused with. The way your cheeks turned pink as you looked away when I discovered the pen marked onto your grey jeans with my name. You were so peculiar and I was curious to unearth every piece of information about you. Your favourite band, your pets, your past. Accidentally I became so deeply involved in you.

Time passed and we began to bloom, became open to one another. You’d share your secrets and I shared mine. We became closer like magnets to one another, but never close enough, something was blocking us from falling completely for one another. I knew you cared about me a lot, time and time again you ran to my aid, dropped everything for me, I felt so loved, so wanted. I adored you for that, but my heart was unwilling to let me fall freely for you, I was held up by an invisible string of my past, I couldn't cut it it from me, I was still attached by this thin thread of guilt.

Another month, and you kissed me. But I was scared. I was still 15 and you were so much older. What did I do with all these emotions, all this confusion, all these unmade decisions. I couldn't cope with the pressure of our evolving relationship, for I wasn't even certain of my own feelings.

Time flew past again with not much change, things became dull as winter approached, the colour left the park in which we had spent so many days, it all became bleak.

I knew something wasn’t right, that day during class in May when you messaged me. Something had changed in you, you were quiet, not your usual shy quiet I was used to, but a quietness I knew meant something was being unsaid. It was that day that I’ll never forget. The day I truly realised how I felt, how I had felt all along but had never known until that moment. When you told me your feelings had slipped. It became a blur of apologies and ignored texts about another girl. I just didn’t want to hear it. Not then when I knew I had fallen for you, when my string had finally been cut.

Two months.  Two months since you called it off. Since I became heart broken. Time did not exist, it was only arguments, lonely nights and tear stained pillows. Listening to the same old song every time. But you didn't care. I felt unwanted, like I never meant anything. Those dark days when I only existed as a cold, hollow shell of a human. Running it all over and over like a broken record stuck on repeat in my head. Picking and sifting, trying to figure out what went wrong, leading myself to believe it was my fault. I had never felt so much regret and guilt for anything in my life. But it was too late.

Two years. Its been two years and the rope you tied around me is only just beginning to loosen, but I'm not ready to let go yet. Days come and go and you float through my mind, when I remember that park, when I hear that song, when a white van drives by. You are everywhere, but you are not with me anymore. The years since have just slipped away, I think of you less and less as time goes on, but you will never be gone. I often wonder what it would be like if we never ended, if there was still a you and me. I like to imagine we would still be happy, that you’d still smile the way you used to and those butterflies would fill my stomach as I grew excited just seeing you. But I guess I will never know what could have happened. You let it go too easily. Time faded and so did we.

Author's Note

sorry for my continual use of repetition hahah I think somewhere around the middle needs fixing the most...

Reviews

[Nick.B]

Interesting concept, love the use of "time" how it elapsed...great job

[Monochrome Person]

Thank you :)