The Last Englishman

Something I wrote a while ago

The Last Englishman

Johnny stood there,

Gun in his hand.

A misled stranger

In an unknown land.

x

The opposition stood there,

Quiet, unarmed and in pain.

He was not looking forward

To a bullet in the brain.

x

Johnny pointed the gun.

“Run for the hills!

Run for the hills, Johnny,

You could be killed.”

x

His mam’s trembling back at home,

Bombing overhead.

Shells falling like raindrops.

She shivers in the shed.

x

She sees him in her mind,

And she cries out in despair.

Reaches out for his shadow,

But finds nothing there

x

Johnny did not know

Of a sniper coming close.

Johnny cried out as the bullet struck-

Cried for his mam the most.

x

To the left of the front line,

The doctor stops and pauses.

Puts his clipboard away and says:

“This boy died of unnatural causes.”

x

Author's Note

I wrote this in year 11 when I was hooked on Pink Floyd. What did you guys think?

Reviews

[Constance]

OOh. This one has a nice rhyme scheme, that flows perfectly. I think this is your best rhyming piece. I love the last line most of all. While your "youthfulness" is evident, as someone else pointed out, so is your talent. Quite the eleven year old, definitely. You better keep writing. You'll go wonderful places.

[Celtic Cat]

I think you were quite the 11 y/o. I was busy smoking cigarettes, playing barbies, and having my first "social" beers in the woods. In fact, what went on in the world outside my little part of it never interested me....until lately. I love this piece at it's the simple truth, and reminds me of a great old Scottish song called "Scottish Soldier". All about fighting a war on someone else's turf and I think dying there as well. That tune always brings tears to my eyes.
I loved the "unnatural causes" part. It really drives the nail in the coffin for me. It's the statement of the piece in my eyes. It's unnatural, unnecessary. I'd say as unnatural as war...but it seems man has been warring for as long as we've inhabited this earth so perhaps it is natural. ugh. I shudder to think, but think it I did.
The mam part was the hardest to take because I imagine that shadow to be her son stopping off to say goodbye on his way to heaven. Also....a parent losing a child is always a rough ordeal. Excellent work.

[JohnL]

Hello Emily Elizabeth,
Look up on this site the work of Ron B. He is a Viet Nam Veteran and knows sniping from both ends of the gun. His work is a powerful inditement of the horrors of sniping. He has two relevent pieces, both short, both well worth looking at.
I see the 'youthfulness' in your poem and applaud the sentiments, thinking beyond your years at that time. A worthy piece.
'A misled stranger In an unknown land.' Now, in today's world, where would tat remind you of? Perhaps Messrs. Bush and Blair coukd tell us!


John

[Lily1111]

The rhythm of this really sings and carries the reader along through the end. I happen to like narrative poetry very much. I thought the lines:

She sees him in her mind,
And she cries out in despair.
Reaches out for his shadow,
But finds nothing there

were very well written and creative.

[Jonathan Ballam]

its sounds along the lines of Wilfred Owen (WWI poet). I like it...although the rhyme might need some tightening.

[Sarah]

I really enjoyed reading this. Great story, kinda sad, yet kinda light-hearted at parts? Atleast that's what I took away. Great job, particularly for year 11. :o!

[A.Blasphemy]

Ah, now that was enjoyable! An all-around well written poem. It has quite the story to tell and holds the reader fixed on what the next image will bring.

I might criticize a bit about the starts of your first two stanzas, however. You've got:

"Johnny stood there"
and
"The opposition stood there"

The repetition is slightly awkward. The word "there" leaves the reader thinking "where is there", which can actually be quite beneficial, though using the word back to back hinders your poem, since the want for knowing where THERE is tends to overcome the desire for more of the poem itself.

I've kind of read it over, and it seems like it may be awkward to alter the second stanza to make it fit, though perhaps you could start it out with something such as:

"Johnny stood,
Gun in hand..."

Anyway, just a quick observation/suggestion. And well done again! Keep up the great work!

[Legion]

Pretty good for year 11. I liked it. Kudos.

[Sanyore]

It's got a really good sense of spoken rhythm to the piece; and it's got a great cadence in terms of the last line, because it just seems to differ, in terms of the rhythm. I'm also curious about the little "x"s, though, I tried imagining the poem without them, and they did seem to sort of have a "start/end-scene" effect. Well, on me, anyway.

[The Outlaws' Song]

This is excellent. And it sounds like a song to me...they could as well be lyrics!!!
Long live Pink Floyd for bringing such great inspiration to you!!

keep the poetry coming!

"To the left of the front line,

The doctor stops and pauses.

Puts his clipboard away and says:

"This boy died of unnatural causes.""