Building a Boat

Building a boat,

Building my raft,

To keep me afloat,

‘Keep me from drowning’

 

She laughed.

 

Hush, hush,

 

The veil of sanity blows freely, unwieldy

On the beckoning wind,

Who whispers ‘unhinge’,

To the tear-stained, pristine, rushing bride.

 

But time elapsed.

 

And died.

 

Too late…

 

I glance across the room;

There’s an elephant staring at me from the other side.

Bright pink…

I think…

Eyes wide on me,

Eyes scream at me,

Screaming ‘someone died!!’.

 

No it is not real,

It is the fantasy you would write,

If you were a realist,

That self entitled pessimist…

Pragmatist

(Liar - shhh)

And half the writer… It’s the writing that you might.

 

So me, only me,

Sailing my Wide Sargasso Sea,

Alone,

Forever,

To an attic somewhere,

To be tortured by the girl I longed to be…

Row

Row

Row

Your boat...

Reviews

[Antonio Valentino]

how funny i just wrote about an attic..

maybe our words are the sails to our boat

they let us drift where we otherwise cant go

wonderfully done, thanks for sharing!
Antonio :)

[Mic]

Dashed my thoughts of "hope floats' rather quickly. lol. Merry-go-round of thought here that makes me want to hurry and do...something. :)

[rnuff]

love this wonderful imagery as well.

[Pete Langley]

The mistakes we make don`t cause as much trauma as the realisation of them. The boat carries us to....an island of sanctuary or another mistake? This piece is an interesting analogy. P.

[sharonlee]

Great imagery and wordplay...

[Sami Khalil]

I glance across the room;

There’s an elephant staring at me from the other side.

Bright pink…

I think…

Eyes wide on me,

Eyes scream at me,

Screaming ‘someone died!!’.
My faves in this nice poem...:)

[Carolann Dowsett]

Wow this is haunting and captures the readers attention brilliantly. Loved it.

[Michael X]

The writing hinges on wordplay and swings freely as the poetic rule, is a great example of creativity and insight that reflects the writer's thoughts through imagery. I enjoyed the shadowy feeling invoked.

[Cole Hayley]

The veil of sanity blows freely, unwieldy
On the beckoning wind,
Who whispers ‘unhinge’,

I love that line. Also, the ending is incredible.

I have seemingly gotten out of long form, story arched poetry, but man, this makes me want to write it again.

Great Job.

[zainul]

Captured the process of building a boat very nicely.
Then set the readers in a state of suspense while the poet sailed alone
"To an attic somewhere,
To be tortured by the girl I longed to be…"
Amazing piece!