You See That Little Girl?

You See That Little Girl?

A Poem by Nicole Cruz

Okay sooo.. It sounds better when i readit out loud.. Like it flows better. Its meant to be spoken not read, and its pretty long ... but whatever.

 

 

Enjoy~

 

 

 

 

You see, I was the girl that was never noticed. Tiny, vulnerable, and weak, I was exposed to the world. I could never stand proud, I always hunched over. My insecurities beating me down, my legs and back always faltered me.

 

You see, I was that girl that the guys never liked and the girls always picked on. “Ugly, freak, lesbian, four-eyed, nasty, freak”, their words pierced through me like blades; leaving me feeling like I was nothing to this world.

 

You see, I was the girl that got molested at the age of 8. Almost raped when she was 10 but he didn’t get deep enough. So I still carried my innocence; my dirty and filthy innocence. I was used, I was disgusting, no one would ever want a girl like me.

 

You see, I had this friend. He was sharp. Whenever I was down, he would bring me up with pain. He sliced me open and let me bleed out. He knew I wanted to die. I wanted to die. I wanted to close my eyes and see blackness. Feel that numbness I always went after.

 

You see, I was always surrounded by creatures; Evil creatures whose words were filled with venom. They called me an “Attention W***e” and pushed me down. My personal demons, these evil creatures, I wished for their death, I wished for the death of humanity.

You see, I was never an Atheist; I was a faithful little girl. I thought one day the big man in the sky would swoop down and save me. So I always got on my knees and prayed. I prayed and worshipped the big man but he never saved me. So I got up from knees, done with the bullshit, and raised my middle finger to the sky, walked away from every lie I ever believed in.

 

You see, I was never happy. I despised the world with all I had left. But I always thought that there are people worse off than me. So I made it my life purpose to keep moving forward and help those who needed love in their life. That hiatus in my heart, in my soul, it was filled when I saw the smile of a broken person. I know I had found my true calling. I would never give up; I would always give people the happiness I never found.

 

In all this you may wonder, where the hell my parents were. You see, my parents were very complicated creatures. Daddy was gay; mommy told me I was a mistake, a cover up to his true self. Daddy used mommy, put a sad little girl in the world, and watched her grow up never knowing the curse she had in her life. Daddy was never there, mommy was always there. But it never meant that mommy was any better. Yelling, hitting, fighting, and crying. Mommy never understood her little girl. Mommy didn’t know; she will never know that her little girl wasn’t so innocent anymore.

 

You see, that little girl.. that little girl hasn’t changed much. She grew up physically but she was always an adult emotionally. That little girl, that’s who I am..Who I was. I am that little girl that’s seen what the world can be. I don’t complain, I haven’t given up, because I know somewhere, someday, I’ll find my place. Are things better? Not fully. But I’m getting stronger each day.

 

 

© 2012 Nicole Cruz


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Reviews

i really liked this ,there is a great style while writing all your emotional truama
i like the strong spirit and how you analyze your life..and the way you chose
to go from there ,standing on the cliff you knew its never wise to really let
all go ,but to get wise to it ,and try to make the best of it,great attitude
to look at some stupid life that did not go well,if it did not go well
we make it bend as best as we could,be a superman or you are never alive
really loved this,
lovely write..

Posted 11 Years Ago


Wow this is really good, so compelling you have to read it all ad take it all in and i think the end is great, nothings ever perfect in life but we can keep fighting and hope each day gets better and we get stronger xox

Posted 11 Years Ago


Wow this is really good, so compelling you have to read it all ad take it all in and i think the end is great, nothings ever perfect in life but we can keep fighting and hope each day gets better and we get stronger xox

Posted 11 Years Ago


A story in a cold painful tragic poem. It is real and the pain can be felt between the lines. Bitterness and frustration ring throughout the poem/story. But strength can be felt coming alive. Yes, life can seem so bleak and harsh but with a flip of a coin it can be so wonderful. It all depends on perception. Well written work of anguish and sorrow. Some of the best works of literature came from great writers in this state. Well done.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I admire your blunt and outward use of spoken word for an outlet. I read this out-loud and pictured it at a slam and agree it is better when spoken. It is simple yet effective, bravo.

Posted 11 Years Ago


This is real story and poetry. Strong and powerful words brought anger and disappointment out in force. I like the description and reasons for the girl desire to grow up and leave her weakness behind. No weakness in this story. Just a outstanding story with a very good ending.
Coyote

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on January 26, 2012
Last Updated on January 26, 2012

Author

Nicole Cruz
Nicole Cruz

Lawrence , MA



About
Peeka- Boo O_O I see you My name is Nicole. Atheist Anarchist Writing is my passion Music is my drug im shy Anti social Fear of people Random I guess i'm nice I'm straightfoward Coffe.. more..

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