White Chapel

The Dobsons are buying a country house. That's all there is to it.

The weather forecast had predicted rain and foul weather. So far, only a handful of little fluffy white lambs were gambolling in a bright blue sky, watched over by a cheeky November sun.

The Dobsons had just finished their visit of the country house they intended to buy. Father Mc Kenzie, who’d picked up the rice in the church where a wedding had been, had shown them around and delighted in their gleeful excitement. It turned out to be more than their dream house. Everything was just perfect. It had taste and class with an eye for comfort. Father Mc Kenzie, who’d darned his socks for the occasion, was selling it furnished and Jim Dobson and his wife Janey did not intend to change a thing. Their bedroom and that of the twins both had picture windows that overlooked the driveway and a manicured garden. The parents’ was soft blue and the girls’ pink. The kitchen was any housewife’s dream. Janey could not stop drooling over the cooker range, the hanging pots, the cabinets and the island. The sitting room was equipped with a huge fireplace and the couch and armchairs looked comfy enough. On the wall, there was a large painting of a ship, sailing to sea with a lone seagull riding on a thermal.

                     

                                 **************************************

“I can’t believe our luck, darling,” said Janey with a big smile. 

The twins were sitting in the back playing 'I spy with my little eye'.

“It sure is a stroke of luck, honey. Steep price, though. But it’s well worth it.”

“S**t!” exclaimed Janey.            

“Muuum! Language,” admonished Lily, the cheekier of the two girls while her sister Emmy was giggling behind her hands. (or is it the other way round? Damn, they look so much alike)

“Sorry sweetheart.”

“What is it?” enquired Jim with a raised eyebrow. 

He shifted gear and followed a bend in the road.

“We saw the bathroom, right?”

“Yes, gorgeous, wasn’t it?”

“I know, but I didn’t see any toilet seat. Did you?”

“Blimey! You’re right. It must be in a separate part and father Mc Kenzie forgot to show it to us.”

“Yes, I’m sure, but I’m annoyed that it has slipped his mind.”

“Not to worry. We’ll write him a quick mail and ask where it is.”

 

Back home, Janey logged on and wrote:

Dear Father Mc Kenzie,

Thank you very much again for showing us around today. However, and I’m sure it was an oversight on your part, we didn’t see the WC. Could you please tell us where it is?

Thanking you in advance,

Yours truly

J & J Dobson

 

On reading the Email, Father Mc Kenzie, not familiar with the abbreviation WC that stood for water closet, took it to mean White Chapel, the church where he preached. He wrote back:

Dear Mr. and Mrs Dobson,

I thank you for your enquiry and am glad you asked about the place of your interest. 

The WC is located roughly about 3 miles away from the house, which can be awkward if you intend to go there on foot. It is advisable that you go there early to be able to find seats. I am sure you will be pleased by the cleanliness of the place and the incense filling it, to drive away the nasty smells. Children can sit next to their parents and everybody can sing in chorus. The place is astutely equipped with amplifiers so the people outside can benefit from the sounds coming out. One side is a huge glass pane so people can watch from the outside. On arrival, you will be given pieces of paper. Please, remember to give yours back on leaving so they can be used by others.

I hope my explanation is to your satisfaction. It will please me no end to watch you sitting there, using your sheets of paper and singing God’s grace.

Until we meet again,

I remain respectfully yours

Father Mc Kenzie   

Author's Note

I'm sure you will have gathered that WC is an abbreviation of "Water Closet" which the French use a lot on their bathroom doors. I don't remeember seeing that anywhere during my stay in Scotland.

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Woody,

I really do not know what to say, except to say that this little tale is ingeniously, as well as sadistically some might add, hilarious, well constructed, well timed, and very well written in such a manner's fashion as to leave smile upon faces such as old farts from Texas like mine ... Bravo!

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Woody]

My dear Marvin. we must be the same age, I daresay. Been retired for over 8 years, so do the maths. Many thanks from an old fart from Tunisia. Also, I apologize for taking so long in replying. What can I say? Various things got in the way. I'm so glad you enjoyed my antics. God bless.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Love,love,love it. From the opening line, to the last period. A great read. Your little touches here and there gave it weight. I especially love the, I spy.

[Woody]

Goodness me!!! Has it really been five years? I'm so so sorry, Dear Cherrie. I swear I was never aware of your comment as I have left the site not knowing when to come back. I'm so glad you enjoyed my silly story. Here's one for you: I spy with my little eye something lovely spelt C.P.

[Cherrie Palmer]

I get it. I stumble across old reviews as well. Most of us who've been here awhile understand completely :)

[Samuel Dickens]

Oh, my. Such miscommunication! That's a really long way to the outhouse, I mean, church, er, whatever! You've got me grinning, Woody. I don't know how I missed this one.

[Woody]

hey there Sam. lovely to see you again. I'm not around much these days.
I love quid pro quos. they can be very funny.
always a joy to know you like my craziness

[Lorry]

Ha, nice one yet again Woody. I don't care how ideal the house is, there is no way I m walking three miles every time I need a good hard pray :)

[Woody]

hahaha a good hard pray!
come on Nemo, you are too capricious. think of the incence, the people watching.. would be fun really :)
thanks a lot for the visit Nemo.

[Lorry]

You're very welcome :)

[ReedWrite]

Loved this piece. Left me with a smile and a chuckle. Great pacing. Good voice. Great little story. Thank you for posting this.

[Woody]

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, Reedwrite. thanks a lot.
sorry for the late reply.

[forgotten_ghosts]

Good one, Woody. You are really funny! But I did not know that you are a Beatles fan. Eleanor Rigby is one of my favourite songs! But anyway, great story!

[Woody]

I am I am! I love the Beatles. an old love story. I made references in other stories, too. glad you picked on that and that you liked the story F.G. thanks for dropping in, mate.

[Norman 223]

Loved the twists in this. When I was a kid I used to think the smell of incense was vile, particularly as I sang in the choir and always caught the full blast of it near the altar. It was a bad as a WC as far as I was concerned.

[Woody]

hahahahaha I'm still laughing as I'm typing. thank you Norman (doubly).

[Nigel Newman]

Oh Woody! Oh my! The setup was a fraction laboured, if i had to pick holes, but the reply from the Father, who was no doubt wiping the dirt from his hands as he walked from ... had me really chuckling. You have a very gently humorous writing style. Delightful.

[Woody]

haha thank you very much Nigel. please do pick holes. that's how I can hope to improve.
I love your subtle way of telling me you noticed the Father McKenzie bit. haha wiping the dirt. excellent.
gosh what were the chances? we must've been reviewing each other at the same time.
thanks again Nigel.

[alanwgraham]

This is crazy funny - you have to suspend believe and just go along with the madness. What a hoot! We had a schoolmate whose initials were WC - we called him 'bogs' which is Scottish colloquial for toilet. I really don't want to know what your mind loks like - I suspect a bit like mine - my commiserations!
Cheers,
Alan

[Woody]

oh boy, "bogs"? I love that nickname. I agree we must have similar minds. great minds think alike? haha. thanks a lot my friend. always a pleasure to see you enjoy my craziness.

[...]

laughing...woody you are so original and generous when giving out your smiles :) I love your humor AND your creative artistry. Thank you for making me laugh!

[Woody]

pardon my late reply, Dear.
the pleasure is all mine, I assure you Lynn. and you are too generous with your reviews.
thanks heaps.

[Will Neill]

Hi Woody, I can see your still on form, we still use W.C in parts of Ireland so I picked up on it right away...loved it.
Will

[Woody]

hi will. I nearly missed your review. thanks my friend.
I didn't see a single one when I was in Scotland. it was always gents/ladies or pictures.
good to see you again Will.