Red Paper Stars

a girl i loved once

You are so many things all at once

Leaning against a crumbling wall, eyes closed against something I don’t know about

Hair tied back in a different way every time I look at you

You’re kneeling down to tie your shoe and all of you is focused on that one tiny point of contact.

Red

You pay everything equal attention,

A oblong pebble leaving a mark on the floor,

The way you position your feet in class,

The sky

It all seems to matter so much when you look at it.

Steampunk, muted burgundy, hand-cut jeans,

Combat boots or paint-stained converse,

Tiny cut-out paper stars strung along the top of a window in November,

You’re maybe a little less than the smoke from an extinguished birthday candle,

Maybe a little more that the faraway glow of a forest fire,

The kind that looks like dragon-fire and spreads so slowly in your vision.

Pale skin and freckles,

A sort of foggy morning nonchalance in the lowering of your lashes

Red

Lit from one side by harsh theatre lights,

Light spills over from the edge and everything is quiet

It’s faded green and oversized sweaters borrowed from someone else,

Sitting the wrong way in the chair, on the counter, the floor, anywhere but where you should

One hand thrust towards the sky, blindfolded, searching for something that you left there

Maybe

Red

Falling into a bed of yellow flowers and laughing, hands tangled in the grass,

Spontaneous drives to the beach out of nowhere, packed close in the backseat

Ocean spread like a wrinkled carpet somewhere nearby

Everything has great importance-

Jagged sea glass, forgotten tire buoy, a black pebble

You are part of the landscape and you make it perfect

Red

Careful steps into somewhere new

Turning of a kiln-fired mug in your hands,

Rasp of ceramic against your palms,

The perfect medium in which to listen

You run a finger down the curve of a graphite feather

Walking towards a window if blue light,

Daisy chain taking shape in your hands,

The future can put sadness in your voice like nothing else

Delicate sorting of tiny silver charms, cautious delight over one in a hundred,

Reflection of it all in your eyes even as they turn away

Red

Borrowed phrases, touches, laughs,

So much of it is you, but I sometimes see you in the words others and wonder

How much of it was yours

Or theirs

Or if you picked up that look in a subway, collected it like a leaf and added it to your collection,

Scraped it off like the label of an empty perfume bottle,

Are these mannerisms even yours to give?

Pieces of you everywhere

You’re a patchwork of beauty, stitched with something resembling melancholy

The last nasturtium in the planter, the moment in between the fall and the impact,

The call of a red-winged blackbird.

You always seem to be in some variation of a crescendo

Bon Jovi animates you in the courtyard,  

Arms spread wide to accept this moment that you recognize as unique

Love it even as it is over

Red

Thyme, dill, an unnamed spice that smells like summer,

Careful offering into a void,

Light mist of water in a place I cannot see, rush of sound

In a place I cannot see,

Touch of your fingertips as you press a maple leaf into my hand

In a place I cannot see.

Red.

Author's Note

I'm hoping for suggestions on improvement? Like maybe line breaks, word choice, etc.
Thanks!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This seems like free verse to a structured poet like me. So I’m not sure what Juliespenhere means by her comment (as if this is NOT free verse!?!?!) Anyhooo . . . she did read request me, so I’m glad she shared your talent with me *smile* The thing I look for most in poetry is originality & you’ve got a ton of it here in spades. Another thing I look for is “SHOW instead of tell” – again, strongly executed in your lines. You’ve gathered a ton of unusual details to paint a word picture of how another person seems/feels to the narrator. There are two lines which are general, tho & do not add much to the sparkling imagery in the rest of your message: (1) first line . . . and (2) “everything has great importance” . . . it’s OK to keep these lines, but I just wanted to point out how these lines “tell” when the rest of your poem “shows”. I like using colors & your repeated “red” along with a different color sprinkled here & there – this is intriguing, but I’m not sure how it adds to your poem. I like using a more complex color palette, such as scarlet, ruby, crimson . . . instead of repeating “red” to the point of almost no meaning. This is just my opinion & many poets use the primary colors. But since you asked for input, I’m just showing you some other possibilities that I think of. All in all, a completely solid message with vivid playful sweet imagery (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

thanks for entering this very descriptive in detail lovepoem into my romantic competition
its awesome, i loved every word good luck
i cannot give advice on punctuation etc as i write free style myself but loved it, thanks