My Addiction

A poem about my addiction to pornography and how God rescued me from it.

Porn Kills.
Truer words were never spoken.
It may not literally kill you but deep down you will always feel damaged and broken.

The first time I looked the last thing on my mind was that this would turn into an addiction.
But soon it took hold of me and controlled my life.

And one look at an image, even just a glance of two seconds, burns that image into your mind and will be there for a good twenty years.

Sometimes you don't even have to look at a picture.
It begins as a thought; just a small sexual thought.
And that thought plants itself like a seed in your mind.
It grows and grows and gets bigger and bigger until you can not take it anymore and then you end up giving in.

I would find myself walking around and not being able to picture a girl as a princess anymore, but as some object in the centerfold of a magazine to masturbate to.
I couldn't even talk to a girl without picturing her naked; I couldn't help it, there was nothing I could do.

I tried SO MANY TIMES to stop.
But no matter what method I used I just couldn't give it up.

Every day I would tell myself, after I had finished, that this would be the last time.
But no matter what I did those thoughts would always find a way to burrow back into my mind.

Oh I searched and I searched for help or a way to stop.
But this wasn't something that I could just give up.

I prayed to a god, that I didn't even believe existed, every day.
But I was never sincere and deep down my heart knew it wasn't ready to stop feeding this addiction.

I was lost for a long time and I feared I would never change.
But then that god that I didn't believe in found me in the darkness and broke my chains.
I cried out and confessed to him and he told me that in my sin I no longer remained.

The purpose of me writing this poem is for you to know that there is hope.
And with your addiction you will no longer have to cope.

Call out to God, my friends, and your sins will be forgiven.
And by your addiction no longer will you be imprisoned.

Reviews

[The Spirit Chaser]

Nothing can become an addiction unless you completely devote yourself to it. Letting your urges control you leads to addiction. Everything considered to be bad is just a part of growing up, and we grow up throughout our entire life. Don't let yourself be led by the routine. That is what breaks you.

[Erik Daniel]

I did devote myself to it. But there is such a thing as addiction. Sometimes no matter how much you want to stop, you can't. It's not something you can explain to someone who hasn't experienced it.

[The Spirit Chaser]

No, I completely understand what you're saying. I never said there is no such thing, I only said it cannot happen if you don't fall into a routine it usually sucks you into. If you don't give yourself fully, it is impossible for it to become your addiction. Far from saying there is no such thing. I know there is.

[Erik Daniel]

Okay. I get what you are saying. Sorry I misread you.

[The Spirit Chaser]

It's fine. :)

[RichGee]

There are so many things that can lead one to addiction...what's important is that
You always knew your fault and that means you always had a conscience.
It was a matter of time before God touched you....great work and stay blessed

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you!

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

This was so inspiring. You sometimes don't even realize what some people are going through and what they are into. I know I've had addictions before and hardly anyone knows, but I came out of them finally. But it wasn't on my own, not at all. I admire your courage to put your personal story out there. :) Great job with this.

[❤ Maggie ❤]

*and hardly anybody knows I had them

[Erik Daniel]

Thank you so much! It takes a lot of courage for me to post things like this, but I feel I can help people through my past mistakes.

[❤ Maggie ❤]

Yes! And that is amazing :)

[Tarella]

There are so many people who are going through these things today and they want to stop but are not aware of the fact that they can't do it by their strength..His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses....great write..