Q+A To An FTM Transgender, from Somone Who Isn't

Q+A To An FTM Transgender, from Somone Who Isn't

A Poem by VertoAtrum
"

This is a kind of a look into my mind, and maybe the minds of other Trans men or women. These are questions I've either gotten asked, or will probably be asked. Maybe this will shed some light.

"

-A Q+A With A Trans Male, Pre-Op-

 

Q: So does this make you a lesbian? You're trying to be a strait guy, right?

A: Gay/Lesbian and Trans are NOT the same thing. I'm Pansexual. My body parts don't define who I like.

 

Q from Strait Girl: Are you still going to wear makeup? Guys don't wear makeup.

A: Guys can wear makeup too. Besides, it's only eye shadow and mascara. What's the big deal? Girls wear guy clothes and hats all the time and stuff and nobody cares.

 

Q from a bigoted parent: Don't you realize how insulting this is to your parents? They raised you to be a girl, and now you're going against that?

A: I am my parents' blueprint, not the finished product. They helped me figure out how to be an adult, but it's my choice from there on. Also, how is it insulting? If anything, it's saying "You made me, and I appreciate that, I just have to make a few changes". I'm their Prototype, but eventually there needs to be a finished product or you're in a limbo.

 

Q: So are you going to change your name to the feminine/masculine version of your name? Samantha to Samuel, Michael to Mikayla, etc?

A: Other Trans people might, but it's not for me. It's not that I'm trying to get away from who I was because I can't change that, and I'm not ashamed, but having something so close to my birth name seems like not much change is happening. I will value my birth name like another memory of my past; meaningful, but evolving, changing.

 

Q: Why can't you just be a tomboy?

A: You want to become a lawyer, why can't you just be a police officer? You want to bake a cake, why don't you just throw some ingredients into a bowl an put it into the oven? Being a tomboy means you're a girl comfortable with wearing guy things and acting like one of them. A Trans Male is a boy in a girl's body, and in no way am I okay with just wearing different clothes and hanging around men for the rest of my life.

 

Q from many guys who've hit on me in the past: Why would you want to mutilate your chest? You have sexy b***s, why get rid of them?

A: First off, f**k you. Second, put it back in your pants. Third, it's MY body, MY choice. I wasn't put on this Earth to be a sex toy or eye candy for perverted jerks. If you suddenly woke up with two disgusting, useless, ugly things on your chest that hurt you, got in your way, and made you feel absolutely gross about yourself, wouldn't you want them to come off ASAP? I've had these things for 21 YEARS. I think it's been long enough.

 

Q: So were you abused or did something happen to make you think you have to change all this stuff about you? Is it a coping mechanism?

A: No, I had a normal childhood. Better than most peoples'. There's nothing traumatic that happened I would need to cope with. The only thing that made me wish to tweak small things about myself was the hope that one day my body will match what's in my brain. It was my own choice. The day I realized who I really was is the only factor leading to my goals in the present day.

 

Q from a Guy: So what bathroom are you going to use? Still the girls', right?

A: What bathroom do you use? Well your answer is the same as mine. Last time I remember, nobody in a bathroom goes and checks everyone else's genitals to confirm their sex. If they do then I am NOT taking a leak in that bathroom, ever.

 

Q: So what pronouns are you using? Are you going to force everyone use them?

A: Male, guy, man, him, his, he. I'm not forcing anybody, I'm just genuinely asking. If you suddenly asked  someone who's known you as a girl their whole life to start calling you guy, yeah I get it, it's going to take a long time to get used to. Ignoring the request is just rude, however. As long as I see my friends and family making an effort, then I don't care how long it takes to catch on.

 

Q from parent of my friend: Why get your b***s completely removed? Just get a reduction so if you want to dress like a guy you could just bind, that way if you change your mind about being Trans you could just be a small-breasted girl?

A: Because if I'm making such an important, drastic change to my life, why would I half-a*s it? A reduction still means I have ugly breasts to deal with and look at every day. Even if they're smaller, I still can't take my shirt off, feel confident or comfortable, or complete the image of who I am on the outside. Also, if you had actually seen how many months of research, self-discovery, and pro's and con's I've done, you'd know I was sure of my choice.

 

Q: So you're going to change everything about yourself now?

A: Really, how much am I truly changing? My breasts will be gone, I will wear boxers instead of panties, I'll speak a bit lower, I'll change my name, but what should it matter to you? I'm still going to laugh at my own jokes, act like I'm on a sugar rush, dance to my heart's content, play therapist to anyone who needs a ear to listen or a should to cry onto, I'll still love everyone I know, I'll still be someone's kid/friend/lover/enemy. I am still me. Just more of who I really am, without the disguise my body's put me into since birth.

 

Q: So why did you wait until recently to come out with it? What was holding you back?

A: Only the fear that everybody I ever loved would view me like a slug on the street, a confused mess, a failure, a faker just crying for attention, or mentally unstable. I was afraid to lose everybody. I was afraid to be disowned. I was almost disowned. I was hated, misunderstood, and ridiculed. Why didn't I say something sooner? Because even I didn't know what I was feeling. When I found out I thought it was going to be a big relief. Really, it began the most difficult, painful, agonizing years of my life. Every night I would cry with these fears screaming at me from every angle.

Every. Single. Night. And every day some of these fears still come to me at night, and I feel so hopeless.

 

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Does that answer your question?

© 2014 VertoAtrum


Author's Note

VertoAtrum
I think this is the correct genre. I couldn't think of what else to put it under. Any suggestions would be welcome. Also, if you like, comment and let me know if you can identify with this. Transgenders have a tough life, and not everyone can understand why. Hoping maybe this helps them understand a bit.

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' EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. And every day some of these fears still come to me at night, and I feel so hopeless.'

I pray, trust and hope that your words are genuine and come from a heart-held mind, not an idiot climbing on a band-wagon. If it IS the former, i truly salute your courage and frankness in writing clearly, honestly and without apology. (Or there again, you might be high-lighting a sad and desperate situation on behalf of other people?) (Both... all?)

In such a messy world rife with wars and hatred, true humanity has all but flown out the window. Perhaps if we try to understand the pros and cons of each other, we'll end up understanding misconceptions about ourselves.

Posted 4 Years Ago


VertoAtrum

4 Years Ago

This piece speaks from personal, first hand experience. I've been asked all these questions and had .. read more

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Added on August 10, 2014
Last Updated on August 11, 2014
Tags: transgender, worries, troubles, confusing, men, women, stuck, questions, frustrating

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VertoAtrum
VertoAtrum

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My name is Matthias. I am 24 years old. I'm a Leo. Also an ENTP. My passions include writing, drawing, music, and psychology. I have been writing since I was very young. Sci-fi, fantasy, and horro.. more..

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