Threading The man

Threading The man

A Story by ettorney
"

Living in Abu Dhabi

"
Holy S**t!! I just had my ears threaded! I had no idea it was coming. Rubber-banded more like!

I walked into an Arab Gentleman's Saloon today to have my hair trimmed short because I was feeling a bit long on the head. Yes, it was a saloon because Men (notice the capital M) cannot go to a salon. No sir, so it's an extra "o" for us.

Here I was getting a nice trim followed by a straight edge shave and the Egyptian Barber guy, a young man with slick hair and in need of shave and some less rumpled clothes, pulls out a spool of something and wraps it around his fingers. Then he makes a triangle of the thread with two fingers of his right hand and sticks the other end in his mouth. At the base of the triangle was a length of dangling string that he wrapped around his index finger on his left hand. Did I mention he licked the thread first? He goes right up to my ear lobe and WHAM! Pain. Wow that sucked.

I gritted my teeth but only in my mind as I was determined not to let the shriek of WTF?!?!? pass my lips. His English was limited to Wash yes? Shave yes? No? Good? You Like? Is Okay? so I didn't bother saying, "Hold on brother but that s**t hurts and why the f**k didn't you say anything before you attacked me?" I just dealt with it and prayed it would be over soon.

I could see in the mirror his mouth and the head attached to it were inches from my ear and he was bobbing his neck back and forth as he guided the rubber band of follicle torture across my skin. If I wasn't so surprised and fighting back the pain I would have thought it was funny. It was like he was giving me an ear job or something.

The snap and twang of the string as he rrrrippped, rrrrippped, rrrrippped was so loud I imagined each little follicle screaming in agony as it was torn from my skin. All I could think of was, what if he starts to do my chest? What other grooming techniques of pain will he inflict on me next? All I wanted was a shave and hair cut!

Thankfully, other than a healthy dose of the fresh and clean sting of good old fashioned aftershave and a couple of light face slaps that was the end of it.

Before today I couldn't imagine ever getting threaded any more than I could have believed a black man as president 30 years ago. That's just not something that happened in my world. Until today. So here I am, threaded and groomed while Obama is President. In spite of the painful journey, I guess we both look good.

© 2010 ettorney


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' .. bobbing his neck back and forth as he guided the rubber band of follicle torture across my skin ..'

Should I have cringed then wryly smiled?! Trying hard not to imagine your terror and pain, trying to to think of other extraordinary applications in this or that salon or saloon - happens, especially in the East. Yours is a recommended read, unsure whether it was or not meant as a gift, challenge or just reward. ' Can only say that sharing the story was a act of bravura on my part, but appreciated as a well written, economically laid tale. As to Obama, a fine fellow now given way to another man.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Thank goodness ,my hospital hadn't resorted to such methods of depilation prior to my recent heart operation,, even though the surgeon was Egyptian.
Although, sympathetic toward your ordeal, I enjoyed the excruciating descriptive details in this story. All good humour requires a measure of pathos.😉

N.


Posted 1 Year Ago


' .. bobbing his neck back and forth as he guided the rubber band of follicle torture across my skin ..'

Should I have cringed then wryly smiled?! Trying hard not to imagine your terror and pain, trying to to think of other extraordinary applications in this or that salon or saloon - happens, especially in the East. Yours is a recommended read, unsure whether it was or not meant as a gift, challenge or just reward. ' Can only say that sharing the story was a act of bravura on my part, but appreciated as a well written, economically laid tale. As to Obama, a fine fellow now given way to another man.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I got really got some good chuckles reading your story. I guess it was so funny because it was happening to you and not to me! This kind of humor is right up my ally and I was fully entertained. Thanks for the journey, sorry about the pain.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Ettorney,

Threading The Man made me laugh! It definitely stuck a chord. I've been there! I'm retired ex-Air Force and have traveled the globe getting haircuts from the world's barbers in Korea, Iraq, Italy, and Oman. Some good, some, well, far less than the really good ones.

Sharp and witty. Great verbal visualization and a great read too.

TGIF is just around the corner and it will be time to head to the SALOON again soon. Once there we can all lament the state of the economy over a tall one and what the president is/isn't doing to fix it.

Cheers,

Dutch



Posted 9 Years Ago


And not a singing barber in sight. I haven't a clue as to this process, so I'll let you, the storyteller, remain my proxy. If you don't mind.
Good luck with all your writing.
ATB
Alex.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I'll never complain about tweezing again. You wrote this so well I could feel your pain!

Posted 10 Years Ago


When it comes to odd barber shop experiences, I think I prefer the impromptu back-attack slap-job massage they give you in Japan when your haircut is finished.

Posted 10 Years Ago


An amusing story (though I'm sure it wasn't amusing at the time). I used to know a guy who would shave that way. Seemed like torture to me; but, then again women get coated in hot wax and have the hairs ripped out. You tell the story of slow torture quite well. This was a great write.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Threading.. I don't know about other than your wonderful description which sounds painful!
I can see the Saloon guy.. no Salon hmm? I see where that would seem less masculine though masculinity is not defined by an extra O .. lol

Customs are different i know ..

Obama... people always say our first black president.. he is actually our first bi-racial president, which is not of importance in reality.. as long as he can do his job. I guess we have come a ways in the race issues department...

He does look nice and now, so do you!

Enjoyed your thoughts..

Chloe

Posted 10 Years Ago


I love how the flow of the piece has an intense momentum that forces me to keep reading at a speedy pace! You've somehow made a barbershop experience exciting and entertaining!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on May 2, 2010
Last Updated on May 4, 2010

Author

ettorney
ettorney

Chicago, IL



About
I love to write. I love the process of writing. I’ve been gone from writing for a decade! Time to get back on the horse, don’t ya think? Although not perfect myself, I hate bad gra.. more..

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