They Say

They Say

A Poem by Evelynn

They say to be silent

And tell me to sing

They tell me to fly

But then clip my wings

They call me liar

When I repeat what they say

They say to not be seen

Then put me on display

They tell me to dance

But to not move my feet

They break my heart

Then ask it to beat

They break me down

Then expect me to touch the sky

They cut me into pieces

And are shocked when I die

© 2018 Evelynn


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Holy kwap! Not only is this fantastic, I hear you! I feel you! I relate to this wholeheartedly! Story of my life! Wow! Powerful and profound.
If you'd excuse mind my nitpicking (I can't resist when I see something that could be better, and these suggestions are legit):

-The musicality flows beautifully with the narrative, except in lines 3 and 4 of the second quatrain which in Line 3 "to" and "not" should be "not to" (because the down beat sounds better on "not" than on "to"), while in Line 4, though "put on a display" is ok, and the line still reads well, saying "put on display" is also grammatically correct, and it also helps the musicality a little. The musicality is especially wonky in Line 2 of the las quatrain. Too many words are trying to be recited in a short amount of time. To help the musicality and still say what you want to say, might I suggest something like this: "They break me down, then say 'aim for the sky'.

- "put to don't move my feet"?? I think you're meaning to say simply "not" and not "don't", correct?

This is otherwise marvellous. You prove to have a gift for the written word. Don't stop what you're doing (only be careful as you're doing it). Well done!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you, and I tend to just write in the moment and not edit until after I post so most of my writ.. read more



Reviews

wow so well written simple words with deep meaning. I often feel this way too.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you!
This is the best poem I’ve read all week & I read many every day. This is an amazing creation. Your statements are so simply stated, but the premise of each is powerful to the point of being painfully true. The way your selections start out minor & then gradually grow, line by line, in the level of outrageousness revealed, yet all the while your delivery stays matter-of-fact & understated. This is truly deceiving in how it seems like a simple poem, but there are layers & layers of s**t here that anyone will be reeling from, after reading this. This is the kind of poem we all wish we could think of. This is a product of your mind more than your writing. The way you THINK is amazing, as much as your poetry (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 2 Years Ago


Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much! That means a lot to me!
This is the second poem that you've written that I've read so far, and I must say you are one of my favorite writers/poets I have come across recently. I don't write in exactly the same tone/style as you but I really relate to your themes and your somewhat raw approach to poetry. I also understand and relate to all the emotion and conflicts present in this piece. I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!
I love how this poem is very very accurate, but uses so few words to get the point across. Really great job

Posted 2 Years Ago


Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much
Hmm- they never know what they want- controllingbwanting everything but needing nothing- fantastic write- the uncertanty of mankind- making money a God , controlling fellow acquaintances as if puppets🌹

Posted 2 Years Ago


because they're controlling hypocrites. expressed emphatically well. very relatable. nice job ... :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you!
No never stay silent, make a commotion you are full of emotion. beat feet to the rythem of your heart

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is amazing, love the rhymes. Well done!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you!
Amazing, beautiful. I love this!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you!
Nice poem and it really reflects my current state :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Evelynn

2 Years Ago

Thank you :)
T.K.F

2 Years Ago

Welcome :)

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16 Reviews
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Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on February 27, 2018
Last Updated on February 28, 2018

Author

Evelynn
Evelynn

Roanoke, VA



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