By Myself

Your hands holding hers

As you walk down the hall

The way you look at her

As if she was your all

I wish you'd look at me

Like there was nobody else

I wish you'd hold me tight

But I'm all by myself

Reviews

[wordman]

sweet thoughts of love ,a teenager`s life

[Evelynn]

thank you!

[wordman]

you`re welcome

[AriesGirl]

Oh, how I feel the heartache here. I know the feeling of wanting to be wanted by someone you can't be with all too well. You captured this feeling soooo well with your words. I love a poem that is short but powerful. I also think that everything here flows naturally, and this was a very easy read as far as the structure is concerned (don't want you to think the emotions you present here are simple, because they so aren't). Love it!

[Evelynn]

Thank you so much

[Hailey Juliet]

Very real emotions captured here in this poem, that longing for the other, your muse. Short, but honest and sincere, thanks for sharing this poem!

[Evelynn]

Thank you!

[JJKimii]

Beautiful work! Even though I've had a crush before, I can't really relate to this, but I'm sure others can. My advice for anyone feeling this way is to focus on yourself and try liking yourself more. Good job^^

[Evelynn]

Thank you!

[aj milton]

lovely emotive snapshot of one of those moments that I think we have all experienced sometime in our lives

[Davidgeo]

You do a good job conveying a sad longing for companionship and the desire to love and be loved. You are not alone in that, even though you may feel like it. There are many just like you who feel the same way, perhaps for different reasons, but I think most introspective thinking adults have felt alone inside and longed for meaningful companionship at some point in their lives. It's part of being conscious, I think; that feeling is probably responsible for the majority of our social culture/art/etc.... the reasons we come together as a society have varied over history (starting with the basics of species propagation of course), but one of the more modern reasons is to keep the cold empty abyss of this seemingly infinite reality at bay for as long as we can. It's always easier to face the unpleasant realities of living in this universe with good companionship. I think most readers will be able to identify with this poem, loneliness kinda sucks for everyone... even just the thought of it.

[JayG]

I like it, so far as the thought and flow of idea. But...

You need a stanza break at L5 because you change from what's viewed to what's desired. Stanzas are to poetry, what paragraphs are to prose.

Next...if you're going to rhyme then rhyme, Once you establish the pattern, you need to maintain it.

In this, you establish an ABAB pattern in L1 through L4, but then abandon rhyming.

Take a look at the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It will give you a good feel for what readers expect. It's a great intro to the elements of structured poetry.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Weeping willow]

Sometimes loneliness creeps in, even when you are in a relationship. Pain always walks beside waiting for an open door to reside ;- Nicely expressed.

[Evelynn]

Thank you!