Hallies Story

A story of confusion.

Hallie's Story
by Greta


Hallie steadily opened her heavy eyes into the blue morning twilight that
shone through her window. She felt something heavy wrapped around
the small of her back. Whose arms was she in this time? She turned
over to caress the smooth and muscular figure, and as the tingling
sensation spread throughout her body didn’t have to look at his face to
know it wasn’t her fiancé that lay next to her. Last night began coming
back to her, the dancing, the passion, the feelings …and the hiding.

Hallie looked upon Christians sleeping face. She clasped his hand to
her heart. She couldn’t believe she had known him almost 20 years now,
her childhood sweetheart. They had been through so much, especially
the past few months. He had been in her life ever since she could
remember. And also out of it. He was always the one she ran back to,
but he had commitment issues so it was a constant on and off ordeal. It
was the story of her life, their lives.

He looked so innocent when he slept, which was ironic knowing the
things she did with him last night. She started to reminisce about the
pounding of the music. The pounding of their bodies against one
another in the dark shadows of the nightclub… the sly smirk that had
formed on her face quickly disappeared when she realized she had
better check to see if she had any missed calls.

She raced to pull the cell phone off the charger: Three missed calls, all
from David. She clutched the cell to her ear and raced into the bathroom
to listen to her voicemail. Her fiancés steady yet suspecting voice
immediately entered her ear: “Hey babe, just seein’ what you’re up to,
you said you’d call last night…you must have been having fun.…Anyway
call me before you start your drive back up here. I hope you and your
sister had a good time, I’m dyin’ to see ya. Love you Hal.”

It wasn’t that she was a heartless b***h, she felt guilty knowing damn
well it was wrong that she completely lied to him. She felt guilty not only
for cheating on David, but for sleeping with the man who was also his
greatest rival. Christian and David went back since high school. Always
competing against each other whether it was sports, career, women... it
was a game among them. The two were such polar opposites she
couldn’t believe she was in love with both of them.

David came from a wealthy family. He was successful, stable,
handsome, and would make the perfect husband to any girl. But he had
chosen her because they were exactly the same. The same meaning
they both came from wealthy families that could only associate with other
wealthy families. Hallie’s daddy wouldn’t dream of letting her marry
Christian.

Christian had been an orphan since he was seven years old. He grew
up moving from place to place, a real troubled kid. Because of this
Christian had problems trusting people, even her. They could never
make a relationship work. It didn’t help that Hallie’s parents constantly
frowned upon him any chance they got. They even went so far as to
nickname him “street rat” and had been proudly calling him that to his
face since he was a child.

But despite his turbulent life Christian had blossomed into something
beautiful. He was a gifted and successful artist and was the fantasy of
any girl he saw. While he didn’t make enough money to impress Hallie’s
stuck up family, he had always been enough to impress her. Whenever
she was with him it was always exciting, a relief from her stifled life of
yachting and taunting the poor.

Suddenly Hallie heard the springs in Christians cheap bed squeaking
as he stirred in his sleep. She wondered if he was having another
nightmare. She crept into his room softly, his back was to her. He
harshly turned over and then again, shakily mumbling incomprehensible
words. Yes definitely a nightmare.

She carefully laid herself down by his side. He had a tendency to
accidentally smack her during one of his nightmares. She raised the
back of her hand gently smoothing his golden sweat-drenched hair. She
whispered soothingly into his ear, “Christian shhh honey I’m here. It’s me
Hallie.”

He quickly opened his brilliant blue eyes. They were still wide with fear.
A few tears spilled out of them. She continued to comfort him resting her
head onto his bare chest she said, “Yes it’s me sweetheart, no one here
to hurt you.” He looked around realizing he was awake.

“Hallie..? Hallie I’m sorry…s**t...” He swiftly rose, pushing her head off
him and rushed to the bathroom. He proceeded to the sink and washed
his face with cold water. Hallie followed after him and watched him
closely. His chest was heaving so forcefully. This must have been a bad
one.

“Honey are you alright?” she asked concerned rubbing his gorgeous
back. “I’m fine”, he said rising up to look at himself in the mirror. He
gained control of himself and stopped crying. “What time is it?”, he
asked wearily. She checked her phone remembering she was
supposed to meet David for breakfast at 9am. “It’s 7:54”, she replied,
her voice frantic. It took at least an hour to drive from Christian’s house
to see David.

Christian sensed the worry in her voice. Insulted, he turned around to
look at her, his glare searing into her and threw her hand off his back. He
quickly went back to the bedroom. She knew what was coming and she
didn’t want to face it, didn’t want to hurt him again.

By the time Hallie came back in the room Christian already had her
bag open on the bed. He was rushing around picking up her things she
had packed for the weekend and stuffed them into the duffle bag.

“Christian, stop what are you doing?” Hallie asked. His face was red as
if the tears might start again.

“I’m packing up your clothes David is expecting you isn’t he? You better
get out of this s**t hole.” He said, his voice trembling.

She sighed. She knew that to him she was just another person to hurt
him, to leave him.

“I love you Christian, so much,” pleaded Hallie.

“Then tell him”, he sternly replied.

“I can’t yet.”

“Then get the f**k out of my house.”

She looked down at her feet, ashamed. She was sick of having him on
the side but she couldn’t do anything about it yet. She didn’t want to start
a fight between David and Christian that could get ugly.

She gathered the rest of her belongings and headed to the car.
Christian tossed her bag into the back seat.

It was hard for Hallie to look at him, but she slowly raised her eyes and
whispered, “I’m sorry, we’ll work this out soon I swear”.

He shook his head as she got into the car. “Just go” he said as he
rolled his eyes.

He slammed the door hard and simply went back inside. She knew she
couldn’t say or do anything else so she just drove. She knew the drive
would clear her head.

As she stared down the long road ahead of her she thought about
David, she thought about her family and how they would disown her if
she even thought about marrying Christian. Then she thought about
Christian when he was a boy. She tried to remember what Christian’s
parents looked like. She hadn’t seen them since she was very young.
She remembered how kind they were. Warm tears suddenly soaked her
face.

“What am I doing to this poor guy?” Hallie thought as she sobbed.
Through her tears the road was starting to get blurry.

She wiped them away and gained control of herself so she could drive
properly. She jumped as she heard the familiar tune of her cell phone.
She reached back to grab it she knew who it would be, and it was so not
who she wanted it to be.

“Babe! You drivin’? Still comin’ over for breakfast right?”

“Right”, she replied to her fiancé trying to hide that she had been crying.

“Ok well I’ll get off the phone and let you drive. See ya soon hun. I love
you”, David said in almost a question. There was a long pause. “Babe?”
he asked.

She tried to say the words back but they wouldn’t come out. This just
wasn’t the right person. He could hear her breathing.

“I love you…” he said annoyed. “Nothing?” he asked now angry.

Hallie panicked and hung up. She couldn’t believe what she had just
done. She figured she could just tell him the phone cut out. Damn she’d
become such the little liar throughout this whole secret. She needed to
stop though. She hadn’t told one person about this affair she had going
with Christian.

If she couldn’t tell her friends or family how could she tell David? What
was she to say? David I am sleeping with my ex boyfriend Christian, the
man you hate the most. Maybe she could go on Jerry Springer and
break it to everyone.

She hated herself for not having the courage. Did that mean she would
end up marrying David? She looked at the rock on her finger. It was so
beautiful, and looking at it she realized David wasn’t half the man
Christian was. She knew who she really loved deep inside as she saw
Christian’s angel face inside the ring David had given her. And she was
killing him. She was killing both of them.

Again she stared at the long road ahead of her, and what a long road it
was. It felt like she hadn’t moved at all. She turned on her car radio and
sang along to the songs she knew. How could she sing with what was
going on? She quickly shut it off and continued to stare at the road.

It was so endless, no signs no hints. She looked out her side window.
The sun danced across the blue ocean as she drove. She noticed how
the sun made the ocean’s blue color appear so bright. Christian’s
gorgeous face floated into her mind. She smiled. He surrounded her.
And one day she would shine upon him and make him whole again. She
didn’t know when or how she would sort out this mess, but she kept
driving the long road ahead of her, and he was with her the whole way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Looking forward to any feedback you may have for me. I plan to elaborate on this story and create more complexity in the characters.

Reviews

[Alex J. Griffin]

The characters are fine for now, send me a message if you want me to point out some of the more obvious grammar errors.
I think the clich� factor is rising. I'm not a huge romance reader, but most of the romance I have read the woman always goes for the poor man, the guy they love more. See if you can lead us somewhere else. Somewhere new.

[Serendipity]

How difficult.

Being torn apart by two. The one that is right, the one that is wrong; the one you love, the one you don't. But its not as easy as that sounds. Love is so much more complicated. You will never get anywhere if you listen to others and not to yourself.

I'd do like how you've started this story. I would like to know more. Looking forward to a happy ending.

[Rogue Daffodil]

A very nice tale of love and betrayal. It definatley has the potential to become a full-length novel. I'll check out your book when you post it to the group page. Thanks for joining, by the way.

[Mysteral - Night Prowle..]

As I read, I only assumed that this was the same Hallie and Christian from the previous chapters of your novel. Almost as if Hallie has become more mature, or perhaps your style of writing has changed. Don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to de-rate your previous writing, but I felt more in tune with this; it had greater impact on me. Well done, and I look forward to seeing further development in the story.

[M. Amphet Salt]

I fell like I am actually crying. This is a good story. I don't notice any edit pointers which is causing to jump for joy cause your story was good enough for me not to notice. Good Job. Good characters, good structure, lovly story.

[MorganLyn]

I enjoyed this story very much. I'm was sad when it ended... it left me wanting more and wondering if she'll turn around and run back to Christian? That would make a great twist! Thanks so much for sharing and for entering my contest!
great write!
-D

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is beautiful and intense..
But most of all its sad :(
And I loved it since it touched my heart.
Yet, I found that at few places you still need to work upon this piece.
But still overall, its very emotional and a great write :)

[Steffi]

I think this has good potential.
There are a few parts that need to be worked on
There were spots where it had a tendency to be a little bit awkward with the sentence structure
Then there was a section where the dialouge sounded a little forced.
But it really was a good read and i enjoyed it
Keep up the good work.

[thecoolone52]

yeah that was a good... kind of a girl write.... kind of liek the notebook....... not that i have seen that or anything............. hahahaha i mean it was nice creavity and the imagrey was good... i would read another chapter!!! Fo sho

[Jamie Fantasy]

I love it! This has the potential to be a great story. I see that you've already started working on a book with this character so I'm going pick that up. :)

Very well written and the characters are real. Great job!

[Deidre A. H.]

Pretty good, though I personally have a hard time feeling sorry for Hallie. But that's entirely based on the town I grew up in, where girls like her were prominent--not wealth-wise, but the manner she chose to deal with the two guys.

Still, it's a solid piece. You have a paragraph of dialogue between Hallie and Christian that needs to be worked on. Every time someone else speaks, it begins a new paragraph. Just some basic minor tweaking is all this needs.

Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck.