Ch. 12 Why

Ch. 12 Why

A Chapter by Evil_Angel
"

Poor Kent who's been stabbed is about to have another form of pain, just not so physical. This just shows why he is the way he is to women.

"
Ch 12

Ch 12 Why

Kent tossed and turned on the couch, unconciously clutching his wound as he had a strange dream of a snake repeatedly biting and biting his stomach. He tried to squeeze it to death, smack it away, step on it, but nothing was making it go away. Finally, he sat straight up in a cold sweat panting from the dream. He knew immediately he had a fever but hoped it was just temporary because of his wound.

He looked down at the cut relieved to see it had stopped bleeding, but it was still pretty disgusting to look at. He couldn't believe Marcus had gone that apeshit, and the first thing he thought about was if Marc would ever do something like that to Erica. He hoped to God not, but lately it was like Kent didn't even know Marc anymore. Sure he was always kind of an a*****e, but never one to stab people.

"It wasn't like it was a knife," Kent tried to justify in his head. Then he remembered how Marc had pointed out the spot where his dad had died. Kent looked at the haunted spot only a few yards away, and wondered if he'd end up dying there too, in the same exact spot.

He realized that everytime he came home he had to walk through the spot, and think about it, and even look at it, because all he saw was a dying man on the ground. No one he knew, just a dying man.

"Christ, I need to get out of here," Kent said outloud. This damn house was cursed, everything bad that ever happened in his life, his mother leaving, his dad dying here, he himself0 almost dying here, twice now, it had all happened in this beautiful, unique, architectually perfect mansion. By going back he knew it would be respectful to his father to keep up the place, but he couldn't do it anymore. He needed to go back to his condo, to his old life of screwing girls, laughing at people who had to work, all of that s**t. It was painless, it made him forget anything bad that happened, which wasn't much compared to people who wern't as rich as him. How could he have forgotten who he was?

"I'm Kent f*****g Whitlock!" he yelled, enjoying his own voice echoing throughout the whole desolate house. Not exactly feeling happy, but not exactly feeling tired anymore, even after losing blood, he got up collected a few belongings from each room, and made his way downstairs ready to leave. He paused at the large silver framed photo of his father that had been at the funeral. A good son would have taken it with him, or would have said something like rest in peace, or I love you, but all Kent could think of doing was smashing the stupid thing and forgetting about it all.

"As if it's that simple," Kent thought to himself. "Damnit, it is that simple. It can be. He forgot about you, now it's your turn to forget about him."

Without thinking about it any further, he took the frame off it's nice place on the table and chucked it across the enormous f*****g house. He surpisingly felt happy when he heard the thing shatter into a million pieces.

"Good," he said solemnly, ignoring his hands trembling. He didn't ever want to look at the place again, and slammed the door behind him nearly running to his car.

He started the ignition, sped across the beach nearly running over a family picnic, and exited out of the gated community. Right as he was about to turn onto Pacific Coast Highway he blinked in disbelief, as he saw a certain pretty watiress slash paralegal slash liar walking not too far from the bus stop.

"Oh God," he groaned annoyed, but felt his heartbeat grow faster. But honestly, why was this b***h coming to see him? To see if he was okay? He could finally show her that he was more than okay, he didn't need to be taken care of like she thought. He pulled over to the curb behind where she was walking, and rolled down the window.

"Erica!" he loudly called out.

She turned around shocked that he was out and driving, but quickly jogged over to the car.

"What are you doing? You should be resting," she said leaning down towards his window, her long hair blowing backwards with the wind.

"Get in," he ordered.

She went around to the other side curious to see what was up. Immediately upon getting in she noticed he was prespiring like crazy, with little beads of sweat across his hair. She wondered if she placed some on her finger and tasted it if it would still taste like peppermint. Damn her perverted mind. She also became concerned seeing that his cheeks were flushed, and quickly raised the back of her hand to his forehead.

"Oh Kent, your head is scorching, I'm sure you must have a fever."

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, practically throwing her hand off his head.

Erica was taken aback, her eyes darted around, then frowned at him. "Well because of what you said to me earlier, and because I wanted to see if you were okay. Obviously your not."

"How the hell do know anything? You're not certified for s**t unless its serving food."

Erica's eyes widened and her jaw nearly dropped to the floor of the car. Was this the same Kent Whitlock that she knew and...well, she wasn't so sure about the last part.

"Yeah I just saved your life," she mumbled in her defense.

"I don't need you to take care of me," he continued, "Unless you are going to finally take care of that I don't see why you keep coming to see me," he said pointing at his groin, which Erica was about ready to kick him in. He knew that acting like his old self was probably a shock to her, but he honestly didn't care. He felt better than he did in a long time, and if he was going to go back to his old ways he didn't need some b***h babying him, mothering him. That had all been nice for a while, but he didn't need it, he could live without it. He lived without it as a kid, he could certainly do without it as a man. He just wanted a girl to get down to business and do what they were good for.

"What are you talking about? This isn't like you! What about what you said to me earlier?"

"What the f**k did I say to you earlier?"

Erica paused, hesistant to repeat it. She nervously twirled a lock of hair with her finger and looked down.


"I must have heard it wrong," she finally replied, her vision beginning to grow misty. She felt so incredibly stupid, she really must have heard it wrong. Or imagined it.

"Heard what wrong?" he rolled his eyes annoyed.

Erica sighed ready to get out of the car and try and forget what he said, but she knew she couldn't, not with words that important. Screw him. He was the one who said it, she wouldn't have to be the one embarassed. She wasn't the one who made herself vulnerable. And now that he was acting like a prick it would really embarass him if she told him what he said earlier. It would break his whole prickly act, and she could just leave and laugh at him for saying such an idiotic thing.

"Well what? I don't have all day waitress."

Even with him saying "waitress", even with her wanting to humiliate him, the words couldn't help but come out gently, almost as softly as he said them before: "You whispered I love you. That was the last thing you said before all this. That's why I came back."

In a quick reaction Kent gave his stuck up chuckle of disbelief, then he felt the cocky smirk on his face disappear as he turned to look at her. He saw the sun crawl through her auburn hair and across her smooth face. He saw her amber eyes illuminated by the sunset and quickly noticed the tears about to fall out of them, and he saw an uncertain and scared woman, who looked like she felt the same way. Well at least before his a*****e revelation.

"Erica I...I said that?"

She nodded biting her lip, tears beginning to scatter down her cheek perfectly. She stared noticing that his face was changing, he was becoming his old self, something was coming back into his eyes, compassion, that she knew he had.

His lips formed back into the handsome smile that she loved, God she loved him too she realized. She did. Well, maybe not all the way yet, cause she didn't exactly know everything about him, but she cared for him, and deeply. Even though she had known Marcus much longer she knew it could never compare to the way she felt about Kent right now.

Kent had stopped trying to remember when he said those words. He'd never said those words, ever, but as he was looked at her sitting next to him, loving that she was in his car with him, he knew that maybe, somewhere along the way it might have slipped out. He truly loved having her around, and was so thankful that she had been there with him at the hospital, and had ultimately saved his life by dialing 911. But then again what was her alternative? To live in that craphole of an apartment? The hospital was probably better to stay in. And of course she always hung around, she loved the mansion, she loved the rich style, she loved when he bought her those damn shoes, and that damn dress. Why wouldn't she always want to be around? Catering to his every need, tricking him into thinking she gave a damn, when really she was just trying to get away from her own s****y life.

That's what his mother had done, tricked his father into marrying her, and once she was bored with him, with her son, she left. And now Erica was trying to trick him, and Marc into loving her, marrying her. When she was bored she'd leave too, just his mom. It wasn't even a question, it was just something women did. Nobody gives a damn about eachother in this world.

"You're born alone, you die alone," Kent thought to himself.

As if the whole city went dark, Erica saw the sweet smile completely disappear from Kent's face, and back into someone else, someone different than just the cocky prick. It was someone without a heart, because someone else took it from them.

"I don't love you. I could never love someone like you, I'd be too embarassed to be seen with you, so how would that work? You are too poor, it would never work. Actually, I wish you had lied to me like you are doing with Marc. It's self depricating to even have you in this car with me."

Erica hated the feeling of more tears falling. She hated that her whole face was shaking, she hated that she was sad over him. Over such a rich stuck up a*****e that didn't give a damn about anyone except himself. How could she have fallen for him? She would mark it the dumbest thing she ever did in her life, but at least now he ended any feeling she had for him.

"God if I didn't feel so sorry for you I'd spit right in your face," Erica shouted to cease from sobbing.

"I must have been so damn delirious, to even think that for a second about you," he laughed back haughtily.

"Yeah," she cried, now unable to even raise her voice, "I must have been delirious too. To sit with you in a hospital for two days, to save your life, to defend you when other people insulted you. To completely take my precious time away from other people, who desperately needed me, more than you did, my own blood. That's why I'm doing all this damnit!"

"What? What people?"

"Nothing you'd know about. All you care about is yourself," Erica said quickly swinging open the cardoor and getting out. "You don't understand anything about the world Kent, you just have this one where you are depressed over your rich dead daddy. Big deal, there is worse stuff to deal with in this life, so stay the f**k out of mine."

"Gladly," he reached sideways and slammed the door for her, pulled out of the curb without looking and nearly got in a wreck from an oncoming car, but kept going anyway. He took one brief look at Erica in his rear view mirror, shivering her a*s off from the wind of the passing cars and probably from crying. It took only a second for him to stare straight ahead back at the road ahead.

From all of the yelling and screaming he felt his unbandaged wound begin to hurt, and lifted his shirt to see if it was bleeding, but surprisingly it was fine, not a trace of blood. Maybe because all blood flow in him had stopped, it had all turned to stone, and after this he wouldn't suffer another injury again.






© 2009 Evil_Angel


Author's Note

Evil_Angel
Ugh i think this sounds a little too rushed...but i just wanted a general layout. Tell me what you honestly think! :)

My Review

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It is difinately rushed. I would have plenty of concern here if you hadn't explained that it was a draft. I honestly think that it is a good story and the voice is good, but it is a little rough around the edges still. There is much to be cleaned up as I spotted alot of clarity issues and misuse of excessive modifiers. If there were any grammer mistakes I did not catch them and I am usually really good at that (In-College Editor-in-Training). I am going to show you what I mean about the modifier issue. I had huge problems with this until I took a seminar on the issue. I am going to use your first paragragh as an example because I feel you were really trying to get stuff out here and in the next three or four paragraphs and then you started trying to out line what you wanted to go into the piece touching up what you felt was more important along the way adding the Kens emotion to it.

After Kent woke up, which wasn't much later since the pain of his gash was enough to stir him out of sleep, the first thing he saw was the setting sun illuminating Erica's auburn hair. She lay curled up in his massage chair just staring out the window. He couldn't tell from the angle if she was asleep or awake. He rolled his eyes disgusted at himself for even admiring her. He wasn't sure why he felt the bitterness he did towards her, he just wanted her to leave, just to get the hell out and leave him alone. At least for a little while. Why did she always hang around? If she cared so damn much then why couldn't she dump Marc and be with the right guy? Maybe he just wasn't the right guy, for anyone except for Nikki, Tenille, and all those girls that only left him feeling empty.

The first line all the way the period is one huge run-on or comma splice. Taking out everything between the two commas would make the sentece more clear, as well the changing the after to when will help the verb tense. When Ken woke up the first thing seen was the sun illuminating Erica's autumn hair. The line in between the commas is a thought of its own and should be a seperate paragragh or applies subtle to Ken's awaking since the paragraph is about how he is feeling about Erica.

She lay curled up in his massage chair just staring out the window. Just is an excessive modifier and should be removed to keep the piece flowing.

He couldn't tell from the angle if she was asleep or awake. In the last sentence the narrator states that she is looking out the window and in this one Ken can not tell if she is asleep or awake?

Suggestion- From the angle she was laying Ken could not tell if she was asleep or awake, but he knew she was probably lying there in his massage chair staring out the window.

He wasn't sure why he felt the bitterness he did towards her, he just wanted her to leave, just to get the hell out and leave him alone. Similar to the first sentence, this sentence is to passive even though you are placing emphasis on him wanting her to leave. He wasn't sure why he felt the bitterness he did towards her and really wanted her to get the hell out and leave, at least for little while. The next line, "At least for a little while" was a fragment

Maybe he just wasn't the right guy, for anyone except for Nikki- The comma her is a splice unless you remove the modifier/preprosition, maybe and a publisher will argue with that one just and extra for before Nikki being there because of printing cost. The English language is funny. Maybe he wasn't the right guy is not considered a complete thought just because it make the sentences state a question instead of ask it. However, He just wasn't the right guy is a sentence because it is a statement.

Sorry I didn't mean to be such a grammer Nazi, but I hope that I was of some help.



Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Sorry I haven't been around to read lately, but I do like this chapter. It explains a lot and you can feel both of their pain. Great job, can't wait to read the rest!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

hmmm....It's fine I guess, yes a bit rushed but that didn't affected the quality of text here.
I guess, you should work on your tense :)
But overall, such a nice read it is...

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A little rushed, but not bad. Kent is getting just what he's expecting.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nazi away my grammar is my biggest challege

Posted 12 Years Ago


It is difinately rushed. I would have plenty of concern here if you hadn't explained that it was a draft. I honestly think that it is a good story and the voice is good, but it is a little rough around the edges still. There is much to be cleaned up as I spotted alot of clarity issues and misuse of excessive modifiers. If there were any grammer mistakes I did not catch them and I am usually really good at that (In-College Editor-in-Training). I am going to show you what I mean about the modifier issue. I had huge problems with this until I took a seminar on the issue. I am going to use your first paragragh as an example because I feel you were really trying to get stuff out here and in the next three or four paragraphs and then you started trying to out line what you wanted to go into the piece touching up what you felt was more important along the way adding the Kens emotion to it.

After Kent woke up, which wasn't much later since the pain of his gash was enough to stir him out of sleep, the first thing he saw was the setting sun illuminating Erica's auburn hair. She lay curled up in his massage chair just staring out the window. He couldn't tell from the angle if she was asleep or awake. He rolled his eyes disgusted at himself for even admiring her. He wasn't sure why he felt the bitterness he did towards her, he just wanted her to leave, just to get the hell out and leave him alone. At least for a little while. Why did she always hang around? If she cared so damn much then why couldn't she dump Marc and be with the right guy? Maybe he just wasn't the right guy, for anyone except for Nikki, Tenille, and all those girls that only left him feeling empty.

The first line all the way the period is one huge run-on or comma splice. Taking out everything between the two commas would make the sentece more clear, as well the changing the after to when will help the verb tense. When Ken woke up the first thing seen was the sun illuminating Erica's autumn hair. The line in between the commas is a thought of its own and should be a seperate paragragh or applies subtle to Ken's awaking since the paragraph is about how he is feeling about Erica.

She lay curled up in his massage chair just staring out the window. Just is an excessive modifier and should be removed to keep the piece flowing.

He couldn't tell from the angle if she was asleep or awake. In the last sentence the narrator states that she is looking out the window and in this one Ken can not tell if she is asleep or awake?

Suggestion- From the angle she was laying Ken could not tell if she was asleep or awake, but he knew she was probably lying there in his massage chair staring out the window.

He wasn't sure why he felt the bitterness he did towards her, he just wanted her to leave, just to get the hell out and leave him alone. Similar to the first sentence, this sentence is to passive even though you are placing emphasis on him wanting her to leave. He wasn't sure why he felt the bitterness he did towards her and really wanted her to get the hell out and leave, at least for little while. The next line, "At least for a little while" was a fragment

Maybe he just wasn't the right guy, for anyone except for Nikki- The comma her is a splice unless you remove the modifier/preprosition, maybe and a publisher will argue with that one just and extra for before Nikki being there because of printing cost. The English language is funny. Maybe he wasn't the right guy is not considered a complete thought just because it make the sentences state a question instead of ask it. However, He just wasn't the right guy is a sentence because it is a statement.

Sorry I didn't mean to be such a grammer Nazi, but I hope that I was of some help.



Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 5, 2009
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Evil_Angel
Evil_Angel

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