The Short Cut to Failure

Simple but with a subtle message. Calls you to think.

Many have trodden on "the road to success"
Only to end at the bus-stop of failure.
They know not they weren't on any way to success.
Their initial plan for success was a failure;
For though they trod on a short cut to success,
The short cut to success is a short cut to failure.


Lagos,
6th October, 2009

Author's Note

One of my first poems so it could be slightly unstructured.

Reviews

[TLK]

There is a very simple metaphor, here. If this poem was stretched out too long, I think the metaphor would be stretched out too. However, in this bite-size chunk, it works very well.

I like the concept of a 'bus-stop of failure'. But what I like most is the repetition of 'success' and 'failure' on every line.

You admit that this is 'slightly unstructured'. I think this might be true, but as the poem is so short it does not really come across as a weakness.


I look forward to reading more.

[Emmanuel Ezeagwu]

Thanks Tomi & Tom. Incidentally, my reviewers have Tom in their names.
Well, Tom you really are a critic of class and I'm rather embarrased by this but I bet it's all in a bid to toughen me up and make me improve upon my writing. Thanks for the points noted out, they have been taken.

[Tomi]

So true! Well done!

[TLK]

It's so simple that, right now, I can't see it. ;)

[Emmanuel Ezeagwu]

:D
My bad. Should be the network. I've worked on that now-it's visible.

[Emmanuel Ezeagwu]

Yes, and read more you will Tom. I even have plans of rewriting this poem based on your criticism.read moreYes, and read more you will Tom. I even have plans of rewriting this poem based on your criticism.
You could also write something on this theme, I think it's interesting. I'd like to see what a pro can do with it.

[TLK]

Pro? Heh, I'm an amateur.

[Emmanuel Ezeagwu]

:)
How humble....