Pine Floor

Pine Floor

I shaved this morning but

No razor will scrape away this beard 

the sun went away last night            crusty eyed

I should have had a say in it but

that's not my part 

she says

such a thing just can't be allowed

We're sorry

the lights went out with the thunder 

a tough time even for solar power

dancing ghost grey whitener                           

in tree veins

making so much noise            

cracking

cold crept deadly across the floor

it lay there .........  just lay there

one eye open

the strike            must have been an instant  

dog senses deafened by its silence

stunning ..... and brilliant         so 

                                             

                                        

not to be looked at

                                         

                                            

I wasn't sure what to say ...

(i SHOULD have had a say) 

                                                   

                                           

what does one do?

i should have the map

limbs turning corners and avenues 

folding and

over ending on each other

                                                 

                                                    

what am i going to do when i run out of things to do?

how can I sit ... or even pose in such positions

                                           

                                                   

I had no say in the matter

nothing i could do

                                                          

                                                   

the floor is the one thing holding up now

where she laid ... in release ... not repose

                                         

                                                         

there are no complaints from grain and roughness

no creaking, no moaning

it's just  ...the bare floor ... pine boards all knotted

                                                    

                                                  

she whispered her breath ... her death breath

so fast there was no

crossing over it

                                                  

                                              

there was only instant Christ machinations     and    

                                                                           me   

                                                                                and                                                                                          

                                                                                       dog  

                                                                                             and

                                                                                

                                 pine floors breaking.

11/22/2020

E

Author's Note

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

((((((Gene)))))) the raw emotions in this poem made my tears well up. The song is absolutely perfect for your words. To see the floor, to walk on it every day, to know she was there and there was nothing you could do to save her....the pain is like a knife. No, my friend, no razor can scrape away the beard of grief. It never really is washed down the sink. It does, however, scratch a bit less with each passing day. This has to be one of your best, E.....I am applauding here. Lydi**

[Einstein Noodle]

Thank you Lydi ... that's all I can say is Thank you

[Viktoria]

I really can't comment on the circumstances behind your poem, being a newbie here and all, but I do get a sense of what has occurred on this pine floor you write of. Having no say in the matter.......that really sticks out for me. It's something that occurs in both life and death. We can't always control the circumstances or manipulate them to our choosing. Sometimes things just happen and we have to make the best of the outcome. A very poignant poem, Mr. E. You conveyed the emotion very well and that pine floor shines with your tears. 🌹

[Einstein Noodle]

so true .. we are after all small and insignificant beings in the scope of things .. "Relativity" ;) thank you for your compassion and sensitivity, Victoria .. i am happy there is no need to know about "me" to feel this one ... thank you

[Nix is typing...]

This is so sad...yet so beautiful, Mr. Noodle (I know I've seen in the comments other people calling you "E", or "Mr. E", but I like "Mr. Noodle" I don't know why it just feels more whimsical, but if you'd prefer to be referred to as "E" or "Mr. E" then I will acknowledge that :)) Just reading this little poem made me wanna spout tears...wish to be there to offer love, comfort, and support because losing someone you love is so hard...especially being there and watching her last breath...I couldn't even imagine the pain that must've brought you... I could really feel the heartbreak and emotion you put into this poem...sending all my love and hugs your way!!! Hoping the pain fades a little more day by day (Although, I know you'll probably always miss her, just know that she's in a better place and that someday you will reunite with your loved one once more) This was an extraordinarily well-written poem (Wait, what am I saying? You wrote it, of course, it's astounding!!) Thank you so dearly for sharing your breathtaking poetry with us, Mr. Noodle. I thoroughly enjoyed the read. :)

10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/100

Nix ❤️️

[Einstein Noodle]

your heartfelt empathy is comforting Ms. Nix. .. i am doing well .. and as you wish for me .. each day is lighter .. joy takes over and of course her presence is felt most everywhere i go and everything i do. .. there is joy with the sorrow and more and more so as time passes .. i am making our cabin mine now and doing things for myself .. i am at peace and blessed with the assurance of my Lord, Jesus Christ's love and kindness .. whether i "feel" it or not .. you have a tender heart and i am thankful for your taking time to read me stuff and let me know your thoughts .. and you can call me anything you like ... except she :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
E.

[Nix is typing...]

Haha, you got it Mr. Noodle :)))))))))) No "she" calling shall be given to you! :) I'm glad that it's getting easier day by day and you can still feel her presence :) I was happy to read it :)

[Einstein Noodle]

yes .. that is exactly how it is at this point in my walk... you are kind and compassionate .. so nice to be getting to know you a bit every time .. right here at the Cafe' :)

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

The sun went away, leaving life so bare and so freezing...but take heart my friend....traces of her warmth are always on that pine floor and in everything else she touched. I wipe a tear that just sprang to my eye and send you a hug! Life has its seasons my friend, the light and the dark, we keep the faith, we run the race. Bless you always.

[Einstein Noodle]

dear Ditzy Kat .. thanks so much for your tender wisdom and for "feeling me" in this poem .. of course you are so correct and Norma is in so very many things around this cabin and the life we shared ... as I move forward now those memories and her "presence" has a sweetness in it .. i believe she is happy beyond the world but yet still with me .. love on ya right back .. a shared tear is a wondrous thing

[Fran Marie]

A heartfelt write dear E
what indeed does one
do when there's nothing
left to do;try walking
through it with no certain
direction, no map to follow
just going through the
motions of life with
automated
machine-like actions.

it all seems so
unreal when we lose
our loveones,it changes
our very existence as we
strive to live on not really
caring if we do, felt this
way when I lost certain
ones I loved so dearly

you say it well;we have
no say in such matters

[Einstein Noodle]

Dear Fran .. thank you for taking time .. your words make me feel as you are the friend that simply sits by one's side just "being" ... understanding and feeling the pain of loss and grief ... you describe my thoughts and feelings perfectly .. aimless with no map .. but demanded to get up and walk .. thanks so much my friend .. you've blessed me this morning

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

I like the atmosphere of this poem, following the picture it all took a poetic turn from the beginning that brought it down to the last word of the sad heartfelt ending. Very well written expressed emotion. tyfs

[Einstein Noodle]

and thank you for taking time, Cyprian .. your review is reinforcing for me sir. That you see and point out the "wholeness" of it is super gratifying. Its something that escapes me at times .. the beginning, middle and ending .. God bless and thanks again for your reviewing
E.

[Lorry]

It has taken me a long time to find the words to say about this Gene, but as I went to type them, I dropped them on the floor and some went down the cracks.
This may sound like a silly comparison, but it is where your words took me.
It reminds me simply of the loss I felt when I came home one day from little school to find my bedroom painted and the marks of our varying birthday heights removed forevermore. It somehow felt to me that I had been painted out of existence and was my first true loss, that of innocence and incomprehension.
I don't think grief has ever made me feel anything other than what mini me felt that day, and no matter how grey the hair gets, loss always makes us feel like little boy lost, knowing we will never make sense of this crazy, mixed up world of grown up things we can never grow up enough to understand.
I hear that little boy in your words and have read it a dozen times or so and always feel that complete loss in each and every word.
They speak volumes about someone I never got to know, but knowing you makes me know how special she was.
I really should pull up the floorboards and find those other words and promise I'll send them on to you when I do.

[Einstein Noodle]

bless you Lorry .. your sensitivity moves my heart to tears .. a good thing .. they all need to be shed to make room for the joy .. what a crazy thing to happen to you ... all that history painted over in less than a day at school ... and you had not idea it was to be done ... its not silly at all .. we are little people inside even when the "adult" is formed around it .. a very good thing says i .. your own loss has stayed with you as it should ... we become compassionate because of it .. love on ya brother and thanks so much for you wonderful review .. and for bringing me back to it .. and just sitting with me sir. its all one needs
E.

[Lorry]

Need to be shed to make room for the joy is just perfect way of being Gene. Will forever be in your heart, soul and bones, so why fight against it, as will be forever interlinked with your dna?

[Einstein Noodle]

yep :) .................................

[Stella Armour]

So sad, i hardly know what to say. Words of comfort are just words , and if i could i would sit and hold your hand for a while while you cry.
:(

[Einstein Noodle]

good friends recognize that ... and do just that .. thank you Stella .. and i would welcome you to sit ... grieving is a process and right now i am able to see her and remember her with joy beginning to appear in the sadness of loss. some days are still killer .. like yesterday night as a thunderstorm went through .. big dog Beauregard (190 lbs) gets pretty unnerved by them and Norma was the one that best comforted him ... he went to her chair looking for her there and started to whine .. so sad my friend .. so blessed to have Mr. Beau around ... thanks again for reading and sharing your empathetic and comforting review Stella .. be well and stay safe .. i am hopeful the Covid is starting to run ... at my age i am in the next "group" to get the vaccine .. people I know who have already gotten it have not had much reaction to it. Much the same as any viral vaccination in the past.
E.

[Stella Armour]

Please do give Beau an item of her clothing when he is distressed like that ... i promise it will help :)

[Einstein Noodle]

yes! he has one of her pillows and her chair and soft blankets are where she left them ... thank you for your sensitivity and compassion ..

[DIVYA]

There was no say in the matter, none whatsoever...such heartbreaking words, my friend. Why is death so sudden and so non-negotiable? The vividness of your words took me there for a few moments, to those final minutes of despair and an avalanche of crushing grief! The floor silent and cold and bleak. There was you and the dog and the pine floor and there was our Lord in that room, watching over her and you! Let's take solace in His great love and compassion for us. Let us pray, my dear friend...

[Einstein Noodle]

oh Divya! thank you for reading with such feeling and positivity .. let us pray indeed .. always to our Lord Jesus Christ ... i take solace there always .. not just in my personal need but in our world today .. especially here in the USA as we have divided to extremes ... Christ said something like ... my Kingdom is not of this world .. which clarifies his apolitical position on things ... let Caesar have whats his eh!? anyway .. didn't mean to drift into politics and covid ... thank you again for your message as well ... love and goodness to you ...
E.

[lightsong]

I'm so sorry for Your loss my dear Gene... in times like this You can't do anything, You can't utter anything... You just lay Your heart and I'm sure she felt You. Your poem is powerfully emotive, each moment You lived we lived it with You, the way You expressed it was genuine and truly from the heart... I hope by now You could fill the space she left behind. all the best my sensetive friend ✨💕✨

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you so much for your tender compassion … time is the healer in all things it seems. Its been a couple months now and truly that initial terrible shock and numbness has softened and I am doing well. Thank you again for your caring and taking time to review…. love and peace Lightsong …..
E.

[barleygirl]

Most of my life I was an extreme control freak (as one might imagine, with me cranking out 1000's of pages of technical writing over 30+ year career). Then life threw me the biggest baddest curve ball that I could've imagined -- I could not walk anymore. Long story & present-day struggle continues, but my harsh life lesson broke me of my need to feel "in control" . . . making me realize we are not in control at all, even when we deluded ourselves that we were. The narrator in your poem seems to be whining about not having "a say" in how things go, which is like tempting God to dole out a lesson like the one he gave me *wink! wink!* Fondly, Margie

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ... we are very very small after all eh!? obsession with being in control will always bring such a "lesson" in my opinion ... my intent was not to create the attitude of complaining but more of futility and bewilderment ... i will have to think about your comments if i ever rewrite this one ... thanks so much Margie! of course i know about your hardships that continue ... your positive attitude reflected in your work is an example i, for one, admire and try to follow ... scratch those furry bellies ... speak to the woods ...keep staying safe ... as you have said before we are fortunate to live a bit more on the secluded side of society ...