Grace ?

a hymn form poem

compliments of pinterest 

Grace ?

the tree was hung in winter ice

the day his head bent low

his heart would fail and pay a price

for love, from her, bestowed

upon a newly wedded lock

he used a damaged key

inside a place so deep it mocked

the warmth of spring's decree

she tried in vain to reach his mind

of oaken wood so dense

her own fair ferns curled up at night

to hide in heart's defense

she couldn't bridge the walls of steel

and roots so thickly held

in earth and rock and misery

bequeathed through lines of elde

she found his heart with soul and quil

she dipped in barb'd wire tears

and pierced his skull with grit and drill

revealing all she feared.

E.

02/15/2021

Author's Note

https://youtu.be/3maGHyt_xOU
Emily Dickenson used the hymn form to "rebel" against a starchy society .. said to be one of those poets who were at the vanguard of Modernism. I think her "rebellion" was subtle as she used slight alterations in rhythm and stretched rhyme here and there. Hymn poetry were meant to be sung in Church and so she used theme to make her statements as well. I read that the form should be able to be sung to any worship tune you please. Like "Amazing Grace" for instance. I hope you like my little hymn form tale
E.

Reviews

[Carola]

einstein.... a fantastic write!!! 👍 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
well done, & I can understand it too, amazing 😀
(except the word 'elde' couldn't find it in any dictionary when I googled it. (i do know it's a river in germany.)
please do write more of this more narrative style, rhyming or not, instead of those unrelated random thoughts posing as free verse poetry. i know it takes a bit more time & effort in drafting & editing many times, but it's worth it.
you've made my day E.
cheerio carola

[Einstein Noodle]

why thank you young lady .. i would take a different position on my "other random thoughts posing...." .. if reading others comments on them doesn't help .. it's just not for you and i have nothing but respect for you ... you might like "The Captain" ... it is also a story and in form .. i turn to classic forms when i am dry of inspiration .. they always take work .. research and lots of re-writing for me ... but I have sonnets, haiku, senryu, hymn, and several others scattered down me lanes .. right here at the Cafe' .. so happy you enjoyed this one ... and your praises of it humble me and i feel like i have fought hard for them .. love and joy, Carola .. love this review of yours.
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. elde simply means the eldest and in this poem i mean it to reflect a lineage of thick headed and brutish behavior from the man in the story. ;)

[olla]

I do love this piece.. both the meter and the message.. the damaged key made me think of love on the rebound. at my age I have met many in their second and even multiple dips in the inkwell.. someone once described it as dealing with buttons that someone else had installed.. well done..

[Einstein Noodle]

ooooo what a review .. should be a poem in itself .. certainly a lot of material in that experience olla .. happy to see you on me pages again my friend .. glad you enjoyed
E.

[Ruth]

Dear E, such depths to this poem! As always, magnificent piece...the levels and layers to this are astounding. How often does one become hard as tree bark in the face of such things and what lies underneath that...your poetry makes me think E. Love the dark quality within this, my kinda poem...be well my friend :)

[Einstein Noodle]

ohhhhhhhhhh yes .. there is the darkness isn't there ... needs be broken through but most assuredly can be quite dangerous ;) love you review . .. i am thankful for your time ma'am .. be well ... with health and peace and joy!
E.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Woah this is woven in deep sublime metaphor, many men's minds are dense like oak as to the sentiments of their women i guess. This was intense and awesomely expressed in classic style rhyme that i enjoy so much. Kudos!

Plz do read and comment my newest poem too .

[Einstein Noodle]

i will check that out S ......... thank you for taking time and your positive review .. i agree .. men can be and most are quite dense ;}
E.

[andrew mitchell]

Such true poetry here with meter and rhyme Gene, nice work, great story telling. The first time ive read this style of yours like a period type poem all worldly of an era gone by.

[Einstein Noodle]

now my friend ..that is a perfect review as those were the things I aimed at ... as you know any form of Classic type is not my "voice" but i need to do them from time to time to bring me back to Earth so to speak .. i have been wanting to do a hymn form for a long time and finally gave it a shot .. thanks so much for your feedback .. it is highly encouraging sir!
E.

[andrew mitchell]

I must be good! I sure can pick em! Figjam says I

[Einstein Noodle]

yes.... you must be! :))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Ken Simm.]

This has a legendary feel to me. Or it did before I read your notes. Preferring to see my own meanings. After reading your notes my view didn't change as to how good this is.

[Einstein Noodle]

that would be an 'ell of a deal to ruin a poem with an author's note :))))))))))) thanks buddy! glad you like it .. isn't it something how classic forms can inertly do that ... for me its one of the surprises in poetry. keep staying safe and reclusive sir .. i am getting my first "shot" tomorrow. i haven't been in any kind of hurry but must say i am kind of excited to get it ... then the second .. and be done with the damn covid crap ... love ya brother! thanks again for taking time here on me streets ... right here at the Cafe' ;)
E.

[Ken Simm.]

You are more than welcome. got my first two weeks ago next is at the end of next month.

[Einstein Noodle]

fantastic .. my small populated, large area County had just 10 active cases last week ... being retired and reclusive anyway ... covid has not changed much in my life.... mostly groups that wisely did not meet as they are not really a "necessary" thing .. blessings on ya ken ... top 'o the mahrnin' as well as the rest of the day! :)

[Cherrie Palmer]

Gene, this is what the writing site is all about. I love what you've done and the background you have fronted us. Excellent poem and information I will be reading more about this on lunch today.

[Einstein Noodle]

Pizza? :)
I'm so glad you read this one .. its not my normal try .. I respect your particular eye on things and feel pretty good you like it ... and the background ... Emily was and is a real hero in my books .. more than the beat poets even .. she had no fellow rebel to gather around her .. nor Cedar Tavern to gather at .. thanks Cherrie .. i'm finally getting my first vaccination this coming Thurs. .. kind of a joke .. i signed up when my over 70 group was next and now that the next group is starting .. I finally got an appt. ... oh well .. grateful to get one. you guys stay safe and well .. thanks for taking time my friend.
E.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Ham sandwich :)
I loved Emily, in school her poetry and that of Robert Frost were the first two Poets to catch my ear (so to speak) plus EE, and Walt, and back then I never thought of her as a rebel, but then what is a poet? Either we are tethered to something or determined to break free of it. :)
Your poem has an easy flow that encourages the reader to ease into the rhythm, and enjoy.

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Cherrie! :)

[Viktoria]

It's a very lyrical poem and form and you did well with this one; similar rhyme scheme to what I am using, though I need to work on the rhythm more myself. I am not familiar with forms for the most part so it was nice to learn this one and educate myself with your words. It reads as a very lovely narrative hymn with just the right amount of imagery and tale. 🌹

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks for stopping to read Victoria .. its nice to be getting to know you ... right here at the Cafe'
E.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is a brillant piece of writing. Thisays to me that even in bad times the beauty will always shine.

[Einstein Noodle]

you know, Cowboy! i think that wisdom is so often overlooked during difficult times .. i 100% am with you on that ... were it not so .. we simply wouldn't keep living would we... thank you for your encouraging review sir .. be well and stay well :)
E.

[Amanda Moubarak]

beautiful writings, this one in particular. keep going!

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Amanda ... i appreciate you .. glad you enjoyed my bit of a tale ;)
E.

[Neville]

Everything and I do mean absolutely every single little thing is superbly write about this little work of poetic perfection .. A hymn poem for her .. So many lines this would be poet would have been proud to have penned ... ED would be proud of ya too methinks ...................................... N

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks Neville .. you are too kind .. i appreciate all your input on me stuff ... i do hope Emily is happy .. maybe i will meet her in the afterlife eh!? Thank you as always for taking time to review
E.

[Neville]

more than welcome .. more than a pleasure and all mine :)