Grace ?

a hymn form poem

compliments of pinterest 

Grace ?

the tree was hung in winter ice

the day his head bent low

his heart would fail and pay a price

for love, from her, bestowed

upon a newly wedded lock

he used a damaged key

inside a place so deep it mocked

the warmth of spring's decree

she tried in vain to reach his mind

of oaken wood so dense

her own fair ferns curled up at night

to hide in heart's defense

she couldn't bridge the walls of steel

and roots so thickly held

in earth and rock and misery

bequeathed through lines of elde

she found his heart with soul and quil

she dipped in barb'd wire tears

and pierced his skull with grit and drill

revealing all she feared.

E.

02/15/2021

Author's Note

https://youtu.be/3maGHyt_xOU
Emily Dickenson used the hymn form to "rebel" against a starchy society .. said to be one of those poets who were at the vanguard of Modernism. I think her "rebellion" was subtle as she used slight alterations in rhythm and stretched rhyme here and there. Hymn poetry were meant to be sung in Church and so she used theme to make her statements as well. I read that the form should be able to be sung to any worship tune you please. Like "Amazing Grace" for instance. I hope you like my little hymn form tale
E.

Reviews

[Carola]

einstein.... a fantastic write!!! 👍 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
well done, & I can understand it too, amazing 😀
(except the word 'elde' couldn't find it in any dictionary when I googled it. (i do know it's a river in germany.)
please do write more of this more narrative style, rhyming or not, instead of those unrelated random thoughts posing as free verse poetry. i know it takes a bit more time & effort in drafting & editing many times, but it's worth it.
you've made my day E.
cheerio carola

[Einstein Noodle]

why thank you young lady .. i would take a different position on my "other random thoughts posing...." .. if reading others comments on them doesn't help .. it's just not for you and i have nothing but respect for you ... you might like "The Captain" ... it is also a story and in form .. i turn to classic forms when i am dry of inspiration .. they always take work .. research and lots of re-writing for me ... but I have sonnets, haiku, senryu, hymn, and several others scattered down me lanes .. right here at the Cafe' .. so happy you enjoyed this one ... and your praises of it humble me and i feel like i have fought hard for them .. love and joy, Carola .. love this review of yours.
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. elde simply means the eldest and in this poem i mean it to reflect a lineage of thick headed and brutish behavior from the man in the story. ;)

[Pryde Foltz]

Well ... that was amazing. And alas resonating a little to much with my current perceived reality. So ... now it is your mission ..... should you accept ... to write me a happier part two:)

[Einstein Noodle]

who says this is sad? :))))))))))))))))))))))))))) seriously .. a part two ... this was months in the making .. baking .. stewing ... and in classical form .. which are outside my wheelhouse ... but I am so uninspired ... I think I will accept your challenge and give it a go .. it will be fun to work this in a more positive direction .. maybe i can honor the coming Spring with it .. but please don't hold your breath waiting dear friend ... it may be a while .. thanks for reviewing Pryde ... so very fine to have you back prowling around
E.

[Einstein Noodle]

ps. I hope your heart is lifted today .. top o' the mahrnin' to ya!

[Pryde Foltz]

Make him tall, dark, handsome, and gentle:)

[Einstein Noodle]

ok ... i think that will be fun .. tall dark and handsome it is .. ;)

[Pryde Foltz]

A little wave to his hair ... or am I just getting greedy:)

[Einstein Noodle]

keep it coming Pryde! tall, dark, handsome, wavy hair ....how about a sailor?

[Einstein Noodle]

oh...not to forget gentle ... maybe a sailor who speaks French :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Gentle and kind are a must ...

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Well written poem and interesting note at the end. Thank you for the education and the entertainment I enjoyed them both.

"upon a newly wedded lock
he used a damaged key
inside a place so deep it mocked
the warmth of spring's decree," fave stanza. Tyfs

[Einstein Noodle]

thanks man! i appreciate you pointing that particular verse out .. its kind of pivotal in the story ... stay safe and keep well my friend!
E.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

You did such a wonderful job of the hymn form here, dear E!
The poem sings and how...
I often wish to pierce skulls and reveal the muck inside.
Crack that oaken wood. Let out the inevitable worms festering within.
Such lovely and relatable poetry, my friend!

[Einstein Noodle]

yep .. keep crackin' Ms. Kat :) its not a healthy thing to be all sealed up ... i love your descriptions of what my young lady saw .. some people .. men and women .. are just not pleasant inside .. now i think about it .. we can't really hide either .. what's in there will show itself sooner or later .. i am so happy with your review on this one ... and all your visits and reviews .. thanks Kitten
E.

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

You are so welcome E. I love talking to you. My dear friend.

[Robert Trakofler]

I could sing it:) I can't remember the original melody I heard it in but the lyrics worked nicely:) I think that tree may be as thick as the bunny's skull LOL I think Emily would be proud of your scrawl Mr Einstein!

[Einstein Noodle]

We men are all thick and knotted to one degree or another .. i am convinced it is in the Man genes .. as softness in in the Ladies ... call me names if one likes .. but its simply the way we all lean for the most part ... exceptions acknowledged ;) thank you sir ..always for visiting and reviewing ..glad you enjoyed .. to think Ms. Dickenson might be proud tickles me innards ... i hope she smiles ... love on ya brother!
E.

[Dreambound]

Quite perplexing in the focus of barriers formed and protected by someone. Good to see you’ve somewhat grasped penning the ubiquity of this to words.

Especially the comparative in softness to that of the sharp and bleak. Please have a read of some of my work to see how I have communicated this same, differently. Well written :)

[Einstein Noodle]

well thanks Dreambound! so nice to meet you! I will most certainly stop by your lanes and avenues as well. yes .. the soft and hard of it eh!? glad you appreciate how its laid out in this one. Is there a specific poem of yours you are referring too?
E.

[Chris Shaw]

I have not studied Emily in depth Mr E, but I truly love the work of hers I have read. This is beautifully penned, you have done yourself proud here. You know I have met men like him before, stubborn to the core. Takes a special woman to keep chiseling away in the hope of finding that buried treasure. A wonderful pen in rhyme and meter. I am going to give you a littke curtsey of approval of the highest order. Sending you all good wishes across the waves.

Chris

[Einstein Noodle]

Oh M'Lady .. i bow low in response .. thanks so much for reviewing ..i think it a sure bet that most women have met such a man .. special woman to persist indeed ... sometimes to her own heartbreak and pain ;( thank you again Christine! your the cats meow in my books! :)
E.

[Chris Shaw]

Meow, meow :))

[Einstein Noodle]

[emmajoy]

Although this has a distinct meter, it also has a sense ofloud and forceful metronomic control. Perhaps the She is showing her power, whilst the he stands rooted in defiant silence, whatever his reason. The route of this part hymn/part goth poem is very clever, its both warlike and misplaced passion.Perhaps. , perhaps. Extraordinarily different, both Emily and decisive You.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes! very different for me on both of your "takes" .. she must be brave eh!? and he stubborn no doubt .. misplaced passion for sure! love your review Em ... you are a steady friend and poetess .. thanks for reading with sensitivity and for sharing your understanding of this one .. luv and peace!
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh my , emily dickinson would love this...
it is a reflection of theme and form of how she wrote.
"pierced his skull with grit and drill"
my that is good....
I have been where the object of this poem is...so locked up, so hidden away protecting heart.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

i hope that she is happy with my attempt .. we both, i think, have her at the tops of our lists of those we admire .. Emily was such a strong woman and very much the rebel in her own ways. We men tend to be that way ... our feelings quite naturally remain darkened even for those of us who are most sensitive and feely kind of men ... that line is my favorite, jacob ... she needed to know what was going on in there ... and meant to be answered :))))))) i am so gratified and truly humbled by your review my friend .. thanks always for reading and reviewing me stuff!
E.

[Lorry]

I bought her collected works, mainly due to it being as complete as can be in one volume and read similar in the preface (which went on way too long), but did find it planted the seed to try and I do believe you can sing them, depending on singing talent, which is why I said you instead of me. (I'd have hyperventilate halfway through if I were talking and not typing, but back to the review)...
I do agree that her rebellion was subtle as you say, picturing her putting her hand to her mouth and quietly smiling, but subtle worked so well for her, especially in her shortest pieces, making you pause and ponder, whereas most writers think they best stick in 60 pages of drama to make the same point, more in the hope the special effects scenes would look awesome if Hollywood ever picks it up and less about hinting for the reader to discover their own picture.
... And I haven't even mentioned your words yet! Bloomin' cheek and what a slabbercabbage (talks too much)
Your last verse truly does capture our Emily D and her subtle way of thinking, including the foibles of her own mind in refusing to let a man see her handwriting and smuggling them to correspondents in bread baskets she lowered from her window.
You know your stuff sir and get an A+ from me. Congratulations Gene, you've made it through to the next round 😊

[Einstein Noodle]

Damn Lorry!!!! i am tempted to slabbercabbage, me self, over your thoughts and comments .. minimal is definitely a good thing ... thanks so much sir ... i am gratified .. what you say of Emily I agree with it all. Your idea to buy the complete works has got me starting now to save me pennies and do the same ... what better way to know someone more completely than to see and read the "whole" .. luv on ya brother .. thanks so much for your very encouraging review .. peace on Earth brother!
E.

[lightsong]

as You already know dear E I am not the one who knows so much about poetry forms, but I do know yours here flew smoothly, effortlessly, Your expressions are amazing, for me it was like his love was embodied in the tree where he ended his heart/life, the branches reaching into his deep soul as if it's his lover's arm. something different from You, but You did a very great job.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes .. different .. i do strict forms to keep one foot on the ground and to inspire me when i am not .. this one took a life of its own .. told its own story so to speak. I love what you see in it and how your relate it to the pic .. thanks so much for visiting and sharing your thoughts .. love and joy
E.