1 - The First Day of School

1 - The First Day of School

A Chapter by Fairytale

Today was my first day at Graypepper High.  I moved here about a week ago over Christmas break when my dad got relocated with his job as an architect for a big property developing company.  Graypepper has recently become a new and upcoming area for property development and there are heavy demands for some very creative structures.  I approached the highschool slowly as I checked out my new surroundings.  I looked up at the glamourous, old building that was meant to be my new highschool, and took my first step towards it.  My red converse sneaker landed on the sizeable bridge which took me over the moat and through the big glass doors which lead me inside the building.  I expected to see candles on the walls to give a dim lighting to the building, but instead I saw modern flourescent lighting and ivory tiled flooring.  The building wasn't the only thing that was strange.  There was something about the students and even the faculty.  The whole town has quite a few classic oddities for being so close to a major city.  The building had a kind of high-tech medieval feel.  The outside is made of giant, mason stone material with all kinds of ultra modern gadgets.  A strange high-tech type of security camera sat in every room nestled into a corner by the ceiling.  The faint lights on them flashed every so often in different colors throughout the day.  The area seemed safe enough so I couuldn't figure out what the security cameras were for.  I was punctual to school with plenty of time to spare.  I registered in the main office which was through the hall and all they way down the hallways to the end of the building.  This wing, in particular, was picturesque.  The pod at the end of the wing was painted light blue with fluffy white clouds and the floor was covered with plush kelly green carpet.  There were murals of beautiful colored flowers and blue tinted glass separating the school office from the rest of the building.  I walked into the colorful office.  The walls were pure white with a hint of blue and the thin carpet was a pale pink.  The furniture was made of both light and dark wood which was finely polished for an office environment.  I felt like I had stepped into a litte girl's room; like some kind of fantasy garden.  The woman at the front desk was short and stocky.  She had thick, wavy hair cut short in a bob around her light complexion.  She gave me a bold look under her spectacles, her eyelids hidden under the skin beneth her brow running straight across.  She looked me straight in the eye and removed her spectacles.

     "Can I help you?"  she asked in a  professional manner.

     "Hi.  I'm Robyn Ferris."  I held my hand up in a straight, calm greeting. 

     "Well, hello Robyn."  The woman's voice was now warm and friendly, still holding a serious manner with no smile on her face.  "Welcome to Graypepper High," she said.  She came around from behind the desk grabbing some papers for my registration.. 

     "Here you go, dear."  She handed me the papers, which included some medical emergency contacts, and I filled everything out while sitting on the blue couch. 

     "What's this for?" I asked in my naive, highschool way. 

     "Oh, they're just a few formalities," the woman said as she continued on with some other paperwork.  "Your parents are coming back later this week to sign these, so don't worry about that part.  We just need you to fill out your name and address to make things easier.  I had no clue what I was doing, but I flipped back my long, thick carrot colored hair and pressed on. 

     I missed homeroom and proceeded straight to my first class, which was English lit.  I wasn't as lost as I thought I'd be.  The teacher was discussing books by Mark Twain, and my closest friend from my old school used to go on about them being his favorites.  We grew apart when he met his girlfriend, Tiffany, in the middle of ninth grade and I've kind of been solo ever since.  For all of the school's gothic, intimidating appearances, the kids seemed pretty cool.  A couple of girls started chatting to me the minute I sat down, and offered to show me where we were at in our studies, without even being asked by the teacher.  The teacher was compelling with an obvious passion for the subject and there were loads of cute guys just waiting to be crushed on.  As I walked to my next class, a slim, spritly girl ran up beside me.

     "Hi.  I'm Monica."  She skipped a couple steps and then introduced her friend, a heavy set girl with cute, pink, chubby cheeks.  Monica put out one slender arm and used it to display her friend.  

     "This is Rita."  The girl was friendly, but shy, and raised her fleshy hand to greet me. 

     "Mrs. Tobin thought you might want a bit of help finding your way to your next class."  Monica grabbed my schedule with her slim fingers and hopped three or four times in place.  Her wide, blue eyes looked down at my schedule; down past her small, upturned nose and pointy chin.  Monica's grasp felt as feather light as it was quick and she had a knack getting in my face without being in the least bit invasive.  As luck would have it, I had my next two classes with Monica and Rita before lunch.  Math seemed to drag on forever except for this really cute guy I spotted.  He sat in the front while I was pushed all the way to the back.  He had dark, black hair and deep, brow eyes, and he was built like a rock star.  I spent the better half of my time in class admiring him.  I saw his perfectly structured face when he turned around and made a comment to the girl behind him.  I watched the cleft in his chin as he moved his broad jaw and speaking through his thick, plush lips. He smiled softly and two dents appeared in his cheeks.  It was hard for me to believe that a highschool guy could come in such a breathtaking package.  The teacher took notice and I thought that this meant he was going to get into trouble like some kind of rebel, but she just nodded at him and smiled with approval. The guy looked to the teacher attentively and respectfully  as the lesson carried on.  For the rest of my classes before lunch, I was mesmerized by the thought of his dark chocolate-brown eyes and thick eyelashes.  I wondered what it would be like to have them brush against my face.  There were plenty of other gorgeous guys in math class, and other places throughout the school, but this guy was by far the one for me.  My attention to the guy in the front row did not go unnoticed.

     "You've noticed Nick Escolavich," Monica pointed out in a flirty manner peering to her side at me.  I quickly looked to Rita who was on my other side and she grinned bashfully; her round, apple cheeks turning into little red balls on her face.  I looked back at Monica, whose eyes were twinkling, and whose perfectly shaped lips were grinning.  She put up one slim hand.

     "Don't worry.  There's no shame in liking Nick Escolavich.  He's so hot!"  Monica's face got wild and excited as she continued.  "We've all admired him at one time or another."  Rita now had a confused look on her face.

     "But aren't they all kinda....."  Rita didn't get a chance to finish before Monica jumped in.

     "Nick is definately at the top of my list and, ofcourse, most girls' at this school."  I started getting excited myself now that we were talking about a cute guy. 

     "I know.  He is so hot!" I said in a low but emphatically voice to Monica.

     "Well, actually, I think he's kinda cold," Rita commented under her breath looking to the ground in front of her.  Monica hopped again.

     "Details!" she squeeled excitedly shaking her hands in front of her.  Rita threw hands up in the air in a gentle, shy way and proceeded to say nothing at all. This girl, Monica, loved to talk.  Chirp, chirp, chirp she went on from all the guys on the swim team, to the one she liked, to the student council and how success driven they all were, to her family's visits at the local parks and campsites.  Apparently, Monica has a younger sister named Frieda who loves to paint portraits of dogs.  I listened all the way to history.  Monica, Rita and I stood outside the classroom for a few minutes after class and before lunch.  This time it was the teacher that was hot!

     "Mr. Hoffenmeyer is definately hot!" Monica went on.

     "He's a teacher," reminded Rita, her sweet, brown eyes looking up at Monica.  Monica looked back from her side with twinkling, blue eyes and a pleasurable smile on her face as she indulged in her crush on Mr. Hoffenmeyer.  

     "Mr. Hoffenmeyer is cute, but he's strict and can get kinda cranky."  Rita explained sweetly.

     "I get it."  I smiled wryly at both of them.  "He's the hot, off-limits teacher you wanna get detention with."  Both girls started snickering and then Monica decided it was time for lunch.  She giggled wrinkling her small, upturned nose, gave her head a few slight shakes shifting her fine, blonde hair, which framed her playful face.  I wasn't sure that I saw dainty sparkles of what looked like glitter appear out of nowhere until she spawned, what looked like the wings of a dragonfly, out of her back.  Monica proceeded to gently elevate herself off the floor as she softly rolled her eyes with joy from her giggles.  I gasped out of a moment of shock and stood with my mouth was wide open, until I somehow became  cavalier about the whole thing.  I hadn't paid a great deal of attention to the other students until now.  I suddenly saw all kinds of things.  I saw other kids with wings flying towards the cafeteria, most being of slight and slender build like Monica.  Others had strange builds and were different colors.  Everyone was beginning to seem quite different from the norm, but nobody cared.  I couldn't believe that all of this was going on right under my nose and that I just took it for the norm. 

     "I guess it's time to go to lunch."  Rita motioned us down the hall towards the cafeteria with her hands.  Monica fluttered ahead of us.  We walked slightly behind her as she lead us past all the other classrooms.  The halls were full of other kids either at their lockers, off to class, or making their own way to the lunch room.  Monica turnd back to talk to us as she floated. 

     "C'mon, Robyn," she joyfully led .  "You'll sit with us at lunch today."  Monica guided and grabbed my had to pull me along.  Rita looked at me and gave me a welcoming smile as she walked beside me.  I looked up on the wall and saw signs.  'No darting down the halls at top speed' and "No flying on school grounds'.  These rules seemed to be more and more malliable the closer we got to the cafeteria.  I saw all kinds of flying, animals running; there was a huge commotion because one guy got knocked over by another guy who was wearing a leather trenchcoat and running at superspeed.  All I knew is that I was starving and forgot to bring my lunch.  Monica turned her petite head around to look at us as she landed on the ground outside the lunch room. 

     "I have to go to the bathroom."  She popped to look at Rita and gave her instructions.  "Why don't you take Robyn into the cafeteria and show her around.  Don't wait to get your lunch."  She threw her dainty hand towards us.  "Go get your food and take her to our table."  She popped to face me once more with her nose wrinkling as she smiled with excitement.  "You're gonna love our table."  She giggled and then darted into the ladies while Rita showed me around the cafeteria.  She walked methodically into the big room and I followed her.  The room was full of different kinds of people and it was more than obvious that they were of different genres.  

     "Now."  Rita took the lead and proceeded to show me around the cafeteria.  "There," she pointed "are where the vampires sit."  I looked over to the gorgeous guys over whom you'd want to spill cold water over yourself and sit in a bucket of ice cubes.  They were all stylishly dressed and were talking amongst themselves in a secretive sort of way.  No matter how dark or light their natural skin tone was, they all seemed to be just a little bit pale and their eyes had a special glow which worked like a magnet in some strange way.  They were all stylishly dressed and some of the guys peered over at us as we walked by.  Rita led on and pointed to the next set of kids.  "Those are the elves."  There were a bunch of kids with pointy ears disappearing and reappearing next to each other.  A couple of girls were holding cakes making them disappear in their hand and reappear in the hands of their friends.  The friends looked delighted and started eating them sumptuously as a few magical sparks came out of them.  They watched Rita and I walk by, and then went back to their games.  "Those are the the popular fairies."  The fairies were flying around each other giggling playfully.  They were all smartly dressed and had exquisitely cute faces.  Some of them had dragonfly wings like Monica had, and some had the wings of a butterfly.  There were a few different kinds of wings, on their slight and delightful backs.  They were cheerful and liked to smile waving to greet us as we walked by.  I noticed them talking amongst themselves as we passed, and then some snickering, but I didn't worry about it.  I was the new kid and everyone must've been curious about who I was, especially as I did not exhibit any form of supernatural ties.  "There's the geeky fairies."  She pointed out a bunch of studious looking kids who were just as slight and pretty as the popular fairies, but looked like they were more interested in their studies than in socializing.  They were nerdy types with thick rimmed glasses and plain clothes.  They were more humble and genuine with their greeting, but still giggled and were still playful.  "Trolls, brownies, pixies, shapeshifters, aliens, and the list went on until we came to the table Rita and Monica sat at. 

     "Here's where we sit."  Rita put her books down, as I did the same, and asked the few kids at our table if they could watch our things while we got our lunch.  Our table was all the way in the back in a corner away from everyone else.  We seemed to have a different kind of mix at our table and I was curious to see what kind of kids Rita and Monica hung out with.  I'll bet they were really popular if they were the ones chosen to show me around the new school.  Rita lead me to the lunch line which had died down since we first walked in.  There were all kinds of interesting delights.  Amongst the pizza slices and subs were rich looking cakes, chocolate puddings, a goopy looking green stew, and something that looked like a bowl of glitter.  One of the lunch aids handed a vampire a white carton with a crimson red blood drop on the front which was labelled 'blood flavored drink with 30% real blood'.  I had a sub with a bowl of chocolate pudding and a carton of soy milk.  Monica appeared behind me quietly without my noticing.  I turned around to see her gleefully smiling at me, like she had my back.  Like she was reallly there for me on my first day to support me;  and I had Rita in front of me to guide me.  Standing between them, I felt part of something.  I'm usually one to tough things out alone, but I felt grateful to have these two with me today.  I felt safe and not so alone as I did when I first walked in the building this morning.  I was amazed by what Monica and Rita had chosen for their lunches.  Rita got a sandwich piled high with meat cooked rare, fries, and a can of grape juice while Monica had a trayful of gooey cakes and chocolates.  I think I saw a little bowl of pasta carbonera by the chocolate chip cookies.  We sat down with the rest of the kids at our table.  Our table had a real mix, unlike some of he other tables we passed by, but we weren't the only ones.  I could pick out a few kids who were obviously supernatural, but I wondered about what the others were.  I wondered about Rita.  She was so sweet and quiet.   I imagined she might change into a little bunny and hop home after school.  The others all seemed as nice as Monica and Rita.  One guy, who was short and green, offered me a taste of his goopy, green stew. 

     "Here, try some!  It's really good!  You'll like it!"  He held a spoonful my way, but the smell alone made me pull back snapping my head back.  He laughed to a tall, ultra skinny, pale, white guy with funny eyes who offered me something else that looked dubious.  He actually semed genuine in wanting me to experiment wiht something different so I tried, but pulled back the minute I got too close to the spoon.  The group of kids at that end of the table laughed at my reaction as I cringed in disgust. 

     "C'mon, guys," Monica scolded. 

     "Yeah, that's gross!"  Rita swatted them away.  "Zach, that stuff's not for human people."  Rita was more assertive than I'd seen her all day, but even in scolding, she was still quite gentle. 
     "Don't mind Zach 'n' Reggie," Monica said to me kindly.  "They try to get everyone to try each other's food."  She shook her head and rolled her eyes smiling wrinkling her nose. 

     "I like it."  Zack humbley took a bite of his mysterious soup."  He hunched over slightly while eating it and then continued talking about high tech computer systems to the bright, blue friend sitting next to him.  

     "It won't hurt anyone," said Reggie defensively as he turned to join the group with his own meal. 

     "Those guys can be so gross," said a slender girl with wings like Monica's and an upturned, button nose.  "Don't worry, all of us won't try to offer you a taste test."  She said and then smiled down the table.  "You're obviously new here.  I'm Marie."  Her greeting was short and sweet as she sat down to join us.  Marie looked much different to Monica.  She flicked back her wavy, glossy brown hair and held her chest out while her head was back.  She was curvier than Monica and her circular, brown eyes sparkled similarly to Monica's.  She had a cheerful demeanor, but was also bold and snippy.  I would imagine she might get pretty scary if she were angry.  There was another girl that sat with us who I could hardly see.  She was translucent and sat there eating a bowlful of what looked like marshmallows.  She was as quiet as a ghost, and I though she was one until the boy next to her pat her gently on the shoulder and offered to carry her books to their next class. 

     "C'mon, Alexis.  I'll take these for you," he said while smiling adoringly.  The girl got up, her arms huddled around the front of her slumping posture and waved good-bye to the rest of us.  I put one hand up and tilted my chin upward as a send off.  I wanated to ask if she was really a ghost, but I thought it might be considered rude, so I kept my mouth shut about it.  I was still new and didn't want to get on anyone's bad side.  Alexis smiled back, shyly.

     "Bye," she said in practically a sweet sounding whisper.  She followed her admirer, who was solid matter, out of the cafeteria and out onto a sheltered porch where they huddled together on a bench enjoying the daylight through a window payne. 

     "Alexis is sweet, but she's so shy," gossiped Monica.  She had turned her head and was now leaning in towards Marie. 

     "I know," said Marie. 

     "I think she was starting to come out of her shell when she was hanging out with us on her own at the table, but now she goes into recluse and takes off with Deegan right after they eat."  Marie rolled her eyes and proceeded to pull out her lip gloss with a compact mirror. 

     "Yeah," Monica agreed leaning in towards us girls.  "We were seeing her out more and more.  At dances and things.  It was great to get to know her a bit better.  Don't you think, Marie?"  Monica got more and more excited and they both became very chirpy gossiping wildly.  The few other girls left at our table inquisitvely leaned in to listen.  I looked over to Rita who looked back at me sideways and then smiled with me sheepishly.  I gave my serious smile and pulled up one eyebrow while listening away with the rest.  Most of the guys who were sitting next to us cleared out to enjoy the outdoors and to get away from the crowd of sporty shapeshifters, who were whooping and starting to throw food before a teacher came over to tell them to settle down. 

     "Oh, let's just get out of here," said one of the girls waving her arms from all the noise. 

     "Yeah," agreed Marie.  She darted her brown eyes across the room looking down her little nose and puffy pink lips with a straight expression.  She pointed to one of the sheltered sundecks.  "There's some room in one of the V lounges."  She raised her slim body with her sweet, fluttering dragonfly wings and Monica followed.  Monica also held her head high with a big smile under her perky, upturned nose radiating glossy, white teeth. 

     "C'mon.  Let's go," Rita signaled and we followed leaving the others talking about whether Elfin would be the best foreign lanuage to take next year.   I followed Rita to the sundeck and sat next to her watching the others still engaging in a gossipy  conversation. 

     "Are you new?"  Startled, I whipped my head around to my left.  A guy was standing on the step next to the thick, cement railing which separated the sundeck from the main cafeteria.  The guy was of average build for a teenager and was swinging himself back and forth while sussing me out.  

     "Yeah, I just moved to Graypepper over the break,"  I answered as he looked me up and down distantly.  He swung gently as he continued to ask me questions while keeping himself safely behind the bannister which separated us.  I answered each question and eventually turned my body to face him. His shy curiosity was sweet despite his hidden expression.  There was a moment of silence as he watched me.  He was looking me up and down as though I was alien.  He stood casually, but his eyes were watching me with attention and I felt uncomfortable with his eyes on me.  He was quiet for a few minutes before asking another question.   

     "What's your name?" he asked, still sussing me out.

     "I'm Robyn."  I looked up smiling as I spoke.  There was another silence before he introduced himself.  

     "I'm Troy."  Troy was a bit reserved and mysterious, but there was something about him that I was warming up to.  Somehow, I was being drawn in.  It was like we were already friends.  I liked Troy.  He paused a few moments while leaning his weight from side to side on the wooden railing, which was attached to the thick, concrete divider. 

     "Just a few towns over," I said casually.  "I went to Grimm Lakes High.  You know it?"  Troy paused a few moments dawdling and looking down at his feet before answering, sheepishly.

     "Yeah."  He looked me up and down, again, and then slowly stepped off the elevation.

     "I gotta go to class," he said in the same, calmly, distant tone.  He waved casually, looking at me from his side as he turned, and then walked away.  I turned around to find Monica and Rita chatting in the sunny light from the veranda.  I could see Marie and the other girls walking outside to chil out on the grass by some bleachers.  Monica and Rita were now engaging with a senior named Melodie. 

     "C'mon, Robyn," called out Monica in her light, twinkling way.  Rita waved timidly motioning her hand for me to become part of the group.  All three girls patted a seat for me to sit in.

     "This is Melodie," introduced Monica.  Melodie was stunning, in a wholesome, good-girl kind of way.  Melodie smiled with a worn out cheerfulness.  She was wearing a navy vest over a dark maroon top with a neatly cut denim skirt groomed with tights and flat shoes.  Her beauty was made modest by her two long braids.  Her skin was dark, but slighly palish and she had hazel eyes that changed to green in the light.  She was holding a practice SAT book and wearing a sticker with her name and the word 'senior' underneath.  

     "I can't wait until these SATs are over," she shared giving each one of us and exhausted look. 

     "Look at what they make us wear!" she pointed out in a dramatic manner.  She turned then laughed squinting her exquisite eyes as she smiled.

     "At least they give you a break," commented Monica as she giggled wrinkling her nose as she gave a few giggles. 

     "Yeah," agreed Melodie.  "I sent out the last of college applications," Melodie announced with relief and cheered, "Woohoo!"

     "If you've already applied, why are you taking the SATs again?" asked Rita. 

     "Oh, I took mine in the fall.  I'm helping prep the juniors," she explained, "because I'm part of the Student Mentors club."  Melodie was definately one of those high achievers who were loved by all the teachers and were involved in everything. 

     "Hey, did they replace that glass this year?" Rita asked as she gave the big payne an impressive look and giving the glass a light tap. 

     "Yeah, I think they did.  Apparently some of the rays were getting in through the cracks and kids were getting burned.

     "Burned?"  I was shocked to hear this.  "Is the sun that strong?"  I was surprised that anyone would get burned on this veranda, especially around this time of year. 

     "Yeah."  Rita began with a simple explaination.  "This is vampire glass."  She knocked on it smiling.  

     "Yeah, so the vampires don't get fried when they're hangin' out here on the vampire porches," Monica added cheerfully.

     "She looked to her side at Melodie who shuttered from the thought.  Monica waved her hand by the window with jest to Melodie.

     "U-h-h-h-h-h."  Melodie coward as she shivered.  "That's right."  She said and then laughed with the rest of us.  Monica waved her hand playfully some more.  "O-o-o-o-h.  Stop it," Melodie laughed.  I observed all of what was happening around me; where I was, the vampire porches, the different cliques at the lunch tables , my guides, all of the which was now my new school.  This place was pleasant.  Everyone seemed to get along normally like any other school.  Everything was just like any other day, until I saw him walk into the cafeteria.  I admired Nick Escolavich from afar until he disappered into the lunchline walking out with some red cubes of jello and a white carton with a red crimson drop on it.  He headed towards one of the benches on the veranda and sat in a corner joined by a couple of friends.  Seeing him so close made my blood blood boil so hot that I was embarrassed to be in public.  I pulled my long, red hair around my hot, blushing ears and cheeks.  I would sneak peaks at him every now and again while Monica went on about how she wanted to try out for the school play this year.  Nick sat there with his friends eating his dark, red jello and drinking his drink.  So, Nick was a vampire.  And what a hot vampire he was.  The girls noticed that I was looking at Nick and smiled to one another and then at me.  He started to scope the cafeteria himself.  Monica, Rita and Melodie noticed my sly glances at Nick and suddenly got quiet.  They looked at me in a giddy, flirty way. 

     "Nick is gorgeous," mouthed Melodie with wide eyes.  The girls held expressions of contained excitement which was awkward, if not humiliating, when I was right there on the vampire veranda; his turf. 

     "I've gotta get going and prep the room," said Melodie before she took off at super speed down the empty hallway and then walked slowly out the door. 

     "I wanna go back to the mall and get those jeans I tried on last weekend," Monica went on.  I continued to sneak glances at Nick and enjoyed admiring his perfect face with his perfect features.  I loved watching his seductive, dark, brown eyes, his thick, wavy, almost black hair which could be perfect to run my fingers through.  His sultry eyes, reminding me of chilli chocolate, glowed in the sun which couldn't burn through his skin.  I fell into a daze as I watched him circulate the room with those eyes.  He looked past me and took a double take when he noticed me looking at him.  I snapped out of my trance immediately and instinctively snapped my head around to rejoin Monica and Rita who were now discussing the fine art of dunking oreos in milk.  The bell finally rang and I was escorted out of the cafeteria and down the hall to my locker. 


My locker was in the sophmore locker hall, which was the same area of the school as where Monica's and Rita's.  At some point during lunch, Monica must have pulled her wings back in because she was now walking on foot with the rest of us.  My next classes flew by pretty quickly and, before I knew it,  I was at the end of my school day.  I collected my books and went to my locker where I met up with Monica and Rita.

     "How did the rest of your day go?" asked Monica with Rita by her side looking compassionately my way. 

     "Boy, the day flew after lunch."  I felt comfortable talking to them at this point and I just blurted out my words like we were old friends.

     "Yeah, the last half of the day went quickly for me, too," agreed Rita looking to me and then to Monica with a real sense of compassion and connection in her eyes.  Rita was quiet, but what she said with her gestures was honest and sincere, so far. 

     "I can't wait to get home to Frieda's carmel chip, peanut butter cookies."  Monica smiled and rolled her eyes when she talked about her sister's baking.  So, Frieda likes to paint portraits of dogs and bake sweet things to eat.  Frieda sounded interesting and I would love to meet her one day. 

     "I've got a ton of homework to do tonight."  Rita sounded lethargic when she mentioned her homework.  "I guess that's what I get for taking an advance biology course like the introductory course of the supernatural make up of others around us as an elective and an advanced course in a tricky foreign language like Delvin, you can't hope for much free time."  Rita smiled gently and closed her locker.

     "What's Delvin?"  I imagined I must have sounded stupid with all of my questions, but I had to ask about the foreign language I knew nothing about.  

     "Delvin is an offshoot of Elvin."  Rita explained herself patiently and even Monica listened with curiosity.  "It's the language of the Elves who developed a secluded society.  They are the ones who supposidly made up the basis for Elvin law as we know it today.  Some say that there are codes in their language which contain the magic to advance their civilization way past any of the other Elf civilizations many, many years ago.  The history is amazing!  It's interesting.  I hope that mastering this will help me get into a good college." 

     "You're so game," said Monica.  "I'm just relying on my SAT scores.  Well, I'm gonna run before I miss my ride.  Marie's got a car today, so I'm gonna hitch a ride with her."  Monica started backwards down the hall and then waved good-bye and then buoyantly skipped around and walked down the hall with her head held high relieved, as most highschool kids are, to be finished with another day of highschool.      

     "Yeah, I'm gonna get going for my bus," said Rita.  "Are you okay to get out of here?" she asked considerately before darting off.

     "Yeah, I'm fine."  I put up a strong face, but really hadn't any clue where I was or how I was going to get back to the buses. 

     "Alright.  I'll see ya tomorrow."  Rita smiled big and then waved good-bye.  Then, like a bat out of hell, she was gone.  I wandered around the school for a good ten minutes before finding my way to where the buses were.  They weren't at the front of the school where I first walked in, but rather to the side.  I caught my bus by a split second and jumped on.  I sat down in one of the seats and looked out the window as we passed by the big moat which reached over the bridge that lead me through the doors where I would get to know some of the most amazing people I would ever know. 



© 2011 Fairytale


Author's Note

Fairytale
Please leave a review and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is welcome.

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Reviews

This story has a nostalgic feel to it that brings back the uncertainties of the first day of high school. I love this whimsical view in the ups and downs of the high school experience. Thanks for sharing!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I thought this was very neat. I did however find it a little hard to read as I felt it did not flow (as in there were a lot of short sentences over and over, re wording a few groups of sentences so they are one might help). The only other thing was (and it might be how it uploaded) but the fact there were no paragraphs made it hard to follow. I love the high school genre.....sooo much can happen in highschool lol!

Posted 9 Years Ago


[first impression] what a cute story! and it's like the story of all stories --so many directions this could go! writing and character development are good, very good dialogues --and not at all boring. Paragraphs may be a problem however. Generally you want to invite the reader, but long paragraphs may scare them away. Is this a first draft?

Posted 9 Years Ago


Okay, first things first. You need to proof read this chapter. I found spelling mistakes and bunched up words all over the place. It wasn’t so bad that it became unreadable but it was still pretty bad.
Story wise, there are a few things I feel I should point out. For one, your characters are great. The conversations were realistic, their behaviors weren’t out of the ordinary and they didn’t feel fake. They seem fleshed out enough to not seem like cardboard cut outs when we first meet them so good job with that. However, and I mentioned this in a previous review, your descriptions for them are way over done. When we’re first introduced to people its fine to barrage us with description so we can get a mental image of whoever these characters are. After that, we don’t need to be reminded every other sentence that Marie has a button nose, or that Monica acts very sprightly. Spritely? Whatever. Plus, there is such a thing as a thesaurus. If you want to describe a character’s actions a certain way over and over again try using different words. How about energetic? Bouncy? Vigorous? Full of life? I don’t know, I just got sick of reading the word spritely I guess.
Another thing, Robyn thinks like someone way above her age range. It was sometimes jarring to read her descriptions of people and things. Eclectic? What highschooler says eclectic? This is a story told from the first person so it’s okay to have an informal conversational type narration style, especially since we’re dealing with high school. Also, try not to have her be so self aware of her own behavior or situation. Here, read this sentence real quick: “He swung gently as he continued to ask me questions in an insecure, withholding way. I answered each question, eventually turning my body to face him. His shy curiosity was sweet despite his lack of forwardness.”
That… what? Have you ever looked at a person and thought that? Has the phrase “doing things in an insecure withholding way” ever crossed the mind of someone that young? That’s like Freudian level psychological analysis and it’s coming from a 9th grader. It just doesn’t sound natural and a lot of Robyn’s thoughts come off this way. Try to scale back on her vocab a bit. Have her describe things the way a highschooler would. Don’t forget that showing is better than telling. Troy in this scene is supposed to be an awkward, shy fellow. Okay. Have it so he doesn’t make eye contact. Make is voice low and his body posture horrible. Have him fidget or stutter or leave sentences or thoughts incomplete. All of these habits and behaviors say the same thing as insecure and withholding without messing with the flow of the narrative. It’s the difference between, “He left awkwardly,” and “He got up to leave and his books fell from his lap onto to the floor. He stared at them silently for a moment or two before slowly reaching down to pick them up, his face beet red all the while. He walked away without saying a word.” Granted the second one is a bit wordier but it works much better, right?
Okay, that’s enough jabbing for one review. How about some positive stuff? Graypepper High is a very interesting place. It’s a mix of modern fantasy with high school antics that, while not new, is certainly a refreshing take on it. Based on Robyn’s reaction to it all, it sounds like she already knows about the supernatural world, unless she’s not supposed to until that reveal in which case you should probably add one. The characters were enjoyable and they felt like people I could actually meet and get to know. We get to the action pretty quickly, but I felt like there could have been more of a build up. What you have isn’t bad but there was a bit of a rush in the beginning there. That’s just my personal opinion, though. Other people have their own thoughts on pacing that are just as valid. Oh sheesh, look how much I’ve written! I’ll save some for the next chapter. Great job!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I love your chapter. You give the reader a lot of information and the sensation I felt as I read this is amazing! Hope you keep writing along. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on May 25, 2011
Last Updated on October 14, 2011


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Fairytale
Fairytale

Sydney, city, Australia



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I have a wide array of interests including writing, broadway music, food, dance, and anything fun. I love to write stories. I have recently started writing again after years of not doing anything. .. more..

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