Broken...

I hang upon a tree

A veiled cocoon

Dreaming my dreams

Scared by my nightmares

I try to speak, and the world stifles me

I try to breath and the world suffocates me

I try to protest and the world breaks me

And I lie upon the ground

A shattered chrysalis

SOUL LESS.

Author's Note

I am not usually this morbid a poet,but I had a fever for two days and thus this poem:P Suggest a better title than broken.

Reviews

[G. K. Bostic]

This is an absolute gem!!! Beautiful heart-breaking metaphor.....love it!

[Sharkapillar]

Beautiful, lovely imagery, and it all flows so nicely.

I'm sure you have a soul, though you openly deny so. ;)

[Jane Lockheart]

for the lines
"I try to speak, and the world stifles me

I try to breath and the world suffocates me

I try to protest and the world breaks me"

maybe you could add one or two lines under each to describe your thoughts more.

[Briana Collins]

I like this.It's extremely good. :D

[S.C. Sparrow]

Kind of sucks that the chrysalis gets shattered, instead of holding on and then breaking free from it's cocoon. But I get the point. Maybe "Shattered" as the title.

[Color of the Iris]

Wow, okay... this was a great piece, but at the same time, a weird one. You portray yourself as a creature inside a cocoon, and the world being it's hateful-a*s-self, knocks you off, and you shatter... okay... I don't know why, but I'm still going to give you a 100/100.

[LostInThis]

Why do you ask for revisions and suggestions?
I personally don't like to take specific ideas from people, I feel like it makes my poem our poem...

anyway, title ideas?
Cracked
defeated
stifled
etc

I like the morbid tone of this poem, it's done in a tasteful way and doesn't just say "my life sucks" but it's more like "society's a b***h and broke me"
:/

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Simplicity itself. Ant yet immensely powerful

[FleetingReveries]

This is so depressing, but I loved it, it was wonderful! Everything was expressed so well!

[Stars.Dreams]

this is amazing, I've got goosebumps
:)